𝐈𝐋𝐎𝐌𝐈𝐋𝐎 - 𝐓. 𝐊𝐀𝐆𝐄𝐘𝐀𝐌𝐀 [ ✓ ]

001 | not to worry

꩜ ꩜ ꩜
! mentions of suicide/overdose !

"Show me."

Kageyama's piercing voice made you jump a little. It didn't matter that you two had known each other since birth-he always managed to scare you without even trying to.

"Whatcha' talking about, Tobio?" You asked, lazily turning your head to look at him. The two of you were both at his house, you being there to stay the night since it was a weekend.

"Don't be like that." He said. "I know you're doing it again."

You looked away, smiling sadly. Pulling up the sleeves of your sweatshirt, Kageyama sighed seeing the fresh marks that lined your wrists and lower forearms.

"You know me too well now, it seems." You mumbled, quickly pulling them back down.

"Why don't you ever talk to me about this? Every time I find out the scars are always fresh. This has to stop [F/N]."

"I know." You said, trying to keep your voice from shaking. "Don't worry. I promise I'll talk to you next time before it gets too bad."

Liar.

You never liked lying to him. It broke your heart more than anything in the world. But how could you tell him the truth? He couldn't handle it. You couldn't even handle it. Maybe one day though, one day you would finally be able to let him know.

"You'd better. I know I don't know a lot about this kind of stuff, but I care about you. I want to help however I can."

"I told you, don't worry. I can handle myself. But thanks. I don't know what I'd do without you, Tobio." You smiled, lying back and resting your head in his lap.

"Knowing you? Probably die." He said, moving one of his hands to play with your hair.

You laughed weakly. "Probably."

Probably.

His eyebrows furrowed and he looked away from you. "I didn't mean that-shit-I'm sorry [F/N]."

"Hey, I laughed didn't I? I really don't care all that much. I said worse. And done worse, but you already know that."

꩜ ꩜ ꩜

You remembered the first time you had tried to die. It was in your last year of middle school. Nobody had ever told you how cruel other kids could be. Of course, there was no real help ever given to you. It was always:

"Suck it up."

"Just stop crying already."

"Then do something about it."

"You're fine, shut up."

And so on.

You thought it was unfair. Why didn't they take you seriously? Why didn't they want to help you? Why?

The way your mother screamed and your father cried when they found you unconscious on the bathroom floor were sounds you wished you could have heard. They were frantic seeing the near empty bottle of benadryl spilled over right beside your body, thinking it would have been too late but still taking you to the hospital as fast as they could drive.

You remember the way Tobio described how you woke up in the hospital. How sad your eyes looked. How you sighed and looked over at your parents, who seemed overjoyed that you were still breathing in that moment. He told you that he couldn't even tell something had been wrong with you.

"I know Tobio." You said to him, sitting up in the hospital bed. "That was kind of the point."

"Why would you say that? Don't you want my help?"

"If i had wanted your help, I would have come crying to you months ago." You said. "I didn't want you to know because I know you'd do this. You and my parents. Now you're all worried. I worried you. I'm so terrible."

"But it's our job to worry about you [F/N], you aren't terrible." He reached for you hand, but you pulled away.

"Don't touch me." You snapped, turning away from him. "Get out."

"[F/N]-"

"Get out, Tobio. I don't want to talk to you anymore."

You heard his soft sigh of defeat, and him walking out of your room shortly after. You could have cared less about your parents, honestly. They were pretty much the reason you ended up here. Their worrying felt a little...good to you, if you were being honest. Maybe now they finally cared? Deep down, a part of you still felt guilty for making them worry.

Tobio though, having him worry about you made you hate yourself even more. He already had so much going on in his own life, and now you just added something else.

You wiped away a stray tear that had fallen from the corner of your eye.

I'm sorry Tobio.

꩜ ꩜ ꩜