𝐈𝐋𝐎𝐌𝐈𝐋𝐎 - 𝐓. 𝐊𝐀𝐆𝐄𝐘𝐀𝐌𝐀 [ ✓ ]

004 | stay inside

꩜ ꩜ ꩜

You hadn't found the strength or energy to manage to leave the house for the next few days after what happened with Kageyama. Every time your brain forced you to remember, the more your heart ached. You missed him and his awkward but sincere way of comforting you.

A knock at the door grabbed your attention, pulling you out of your thoughts rather abruptly. "Yes?"

"Your father and I are off to work, [Y/N]. Call us if you need anything, okay?" Your mother said gently.

"Alright. Drive safe." Was all you said in reply. The older woman seemed to take the hint and left you alone, shutting the door behind her.

You sighed, turning in your bed and staring at your phone. With you being on thin ice with Kageyama, there was nobody else for you to talk to.

You were alone.

It just dawned on you. Oh how pitiful it was.

Lonely.

Alone.

By yourself when you didn't want to be.

The realization of how suffocating your room-your house-had become much more apparent. It was suffocating. It reminded you of the day you left school. The same day you felt yourself spiraling back down into the inescapable pit of darkness.

No matter how much you tried to climb out and get away, working so hard to not be drawn back to it, somehow it always found you. It wouldn't let you go unless it had claimed you as its own and then moved on to the next sad and unsuspecting and vulnerable teenager.

Another familiar wave of panic washed over you, consuming you whole. You wanted to scream, and cry, and beg for him to comfort you. To hear his sweet, slightly dense words that always managed to soothe you. To feel his warm and calloused hands pull you in for one of those awkward hugs that you usually had to initiate.

But he was gone. To think he really wanted anything to do with you...how could he? Everyone could tell how miserable you were no matter how hard you thought you could hide it, so what made Kageyama an exception? There was no telling what he actually thought about you...

Still, even in moments like these, where everything was falling apart, he was the only think on your mind. It wasn't fair at all. The irony was laughable, honestly. He meant so much to you and you still never managed to be honest with him. You loved him but constantly lied. His decision to push you away was for your own best interest, so why wouldn't he call back?

All these thoughts were just too exhausting and too loud. You just wanted to turn off your brain, force the dark pit to spit you out, and be set free so Kageyama could stop "waiting for you" and be happy with him.

Exhaustion eventually replaced the panic, and after what seemed like hours of rocking back and forth in bed and trying to fight the urge to cry (which was a pretty weak fight, you always ended up sobbing), you slipped into an uneasy sleep and dreamed of being free of the darkness that never seemed to want to let you leave.

"Stay inside" it always whispered to you, and who were you to fight it? You couldn't, not in the state you were in. There was nowhere you could go if you did manage to escape for good. All it had to do was catch you when you were vulnerable and then sink it's claws into you, dragging you out of the light and back into the hopeless darkness. No way to fight, the only choice was to succumb, and stay inside.