Wow, I'm Not Crazy

The drive

My red Vans hightops tap nervously against the floor of my car. My 2017 Honda Accord sits patiently by Emma's house, but I don't want to text her again and seem too excited. Jared's trademark quote replays in my head. Play it off. I decide to survey Emma's house rather than scroll through Instagram for the millionth time.

The house could be considered basic. My car sits on the road by the mailbox, but there is a short driveway that splits to the front door and the double garage doors that are connected to the house. A basketball hoop perches between the two garage doors and sits on the white wood, frequently used by Emma's younger brother. The main part of the house is two-story. A window surrounded by brick juts out in the center, and there's another window on both sides surrounded by dark blue wood. The first floor looks almost the same. The front door replaces the middle window, and the white wood surrounding it caves it instead of sticking out. Greenery bursts from all around the house, with vines sprouting flowers crawling up the sides, different sized bushes guarding the front, and even more flowers blooming from flower boxes.

As I study the intricately designed front door, it opens, and Emma skips out of it and wishes her parents farewell. I clumsily get out of my car, thank her parents, and walk Emma back to the car. As we're walking back, I can't help but goggle about how pretty she looks. A plain royal blue blouse is tucked into her half bleached faded blue jeans. I look down at her feet to see bright white Converse high tops. Her braid has been redone and curly black ringlets roll down her neck. I almost trip on my way to open the door for her, and Emma laughs at me.

"Watch your step there," Emma comments smugly, but smiling as always.

I make a face. "Well, I don't have brand-new shoes like you do."

Emma's face is a mix of honor and slight embarrassment. She nudges me playfully with her elbow. "Awww, you noticed."

"Just get in the car," I say with a chuckle as I open the door.

"Why, thank you."

I hop in the car and start to drive. I plug in my phone to the radio and crank up some of Emma and I's favorite bands as I try to clear my worries of what I have to face. Emma's music taste is a lot like her personality. Emma adores just simple guitar songs, but also loves the alternative genre, just like she is simple and happy, but also wild and crazy too.

I turn down the volume on the radio to talk. "So, I have a confession," I begin with a touch of a joking tone.

"Oh yeah?"

"Well, I have two."

"Oh my, well, get on with it."

I keep my eyes on the road, no matter how much I want to look at her instead. "I'm sort of...scared of clowns. And getting together with people like this doesn't make me...the happiest person, you could say. These sort of things always seem to go wrong."

I can feel the ice stabbing into me as Emma stares. "Are you going to be okay tonight?"

I clear my throat, realizing it was stupid to tell her something so childish. The whole point of taking a girl to a haunted house is to have the girl jump into your arms, right? I bet I'll be spending more of my time jumping into hers...which doesn't sound too bad, but I would never hear the end of it. "Yeah, I'll be fine--more than fine, actually. I just...didn't wanna keep any secrets, ya know?"

"Thank you for telling me, Asher," Emma says sincerely.

Her words hang in the air for a few seconds, the quiet music trying to whisk the awkwardness away. I sense Emma shift uncomfortably in her seat.

"So is Jared trying to set us up or something?" Emma tries to lighten the mood, but it leaves me panicking inside.

How am I supposed to respond to that?? What does she want me to say? My heart's almost racing as fast as when I try to memorize every icicle in her eyes. Maybe I'm overreacting, but then again everything could be on the line in that moment. Play it off.

"Jared probably just wanted support. I feel bad he has to stay with Chloe all the time now," I say swiftly.

Emma shakes her head out of pity. "Oh, I know. What is the full story with that?"

I might as well come clean. "Well, you can't tell Jared I told you this, but he was pretty lonely. He got his heart broken by some girl, and he's never had a crush on someone again. When a popular girl like Chloe comes along, he sees it as a chance to be popular and no longer lonely. It's sad, really. He's just lonely without actually having feelings for anyone. That girl didn't just break Jared's heart, she broke Jared's ability to love. I know that might sound fake or cringy, but it's the truth. And Jared hates hearing the truth."

The car is filled with only quiet music again. But it isn't awkward silence this time, it's remorseful silence.

"What about you?" Emma asks softly. "Are you lonely?"

I'm not panicking this time, because I have thought this over a lot. "I think there's always a goal that seems unreachable. Yes, I do want a relationship with someone. But I have learned that good things take time. If there was the perfect opportunity today, I would take it. But sometimes that perfect opportunity will take some time to reach me."

I pull into the haunted house's parking lot and glance over at Emma's face. Many emotions play out over her face. I have just learned to put my best face on and pretend to know what is happening around me. Emma's icy eyes are staring at the floor instead of me. When she looks up, it almost knocks me back.

"I think I feel the same way."

"Well, I'm glad you told me," I say with a smile. "Now let's go have some fun."

We walk up to the building with a bit more pep in our step. A weight seems to be lifted off Emma as well. The anchor feels a little less heavier.

Jared and Chloe stand in front of the haunted house, both on their phones, but Chloe looks a lot more excited than Jared. They seem completely oblivious to my pain, which increases when I look at the sign. "Mad World" is messily carved into a slab of wood, with fake blood dripping from it. It's a monstrous building, which just intimidates me more. It's just the basic creepy old wooden shed but a lot bigger.

Our squad almost looks like a colorful rainbow in the midst of the dark street corner. Jared sports a pair of yellow Nike PG 1s, khaki shorts, and a yellow Champion hoodie. The yellow he wore always represented his happiness, but it seems to be fading now. Chloe stands out in her cropped orange blouse that cuts above her belly-button and falls off her shoulders, ripped pair of jean booty shorts, and orange 1-inch heels. Her youth and her spontaneity pops with the color, but so does the self-indulgent and proud attitude. Emma seems to flow as she walks in her blue, which shows her confidence, but also her peace and liability. I look down at my red, white, and black FILS hoodie, blue jeans, and red Vans. It probably looks like I put the least amount of work into my outfit, when really I scrutinized every detail of it. Red is known to radiate a strong and powerful energy, and I liked to show that feature in my clothing.

"Do you and Emma have your tickets?" Chloe asks me as she flips her curly brown hair over her shoulder. I pull out two tickets from my pocket and show it to Chloe for her to examine.

"Alright, let's go in then," says Jared in a bored tone. He seemed excited about tonight when I talked to him at school earlier, but now he is already cruising in what I call "Bummerland." Maybe Chloe appointed him as her photographer for Instagram before we got here.

Chloe grabs Jared's hand and marches on, while Emma and I slink along behind her. I pull out my phone to check on Chloe's instagram, and sure enough, new photos of her outfit had been uploaded an hour ago. I tip my phone to show Emma, and we laugh together. I savor that one last laugh before I face the horror of Mad World.