No Time for Love

Chapter 13: Manipulation & Exception

Shit seem so sad when you look back

Hello x J. Cole

Alexia's P.O.V

"I hate you!"

My eyes snapped open and they burned from my unshed tears. It always ended the same way.

Dalion was older, old enough to understand. DJ came in with his damn confessions and lamentations and Dalion absorbed that shit like a shriveled sponge. I was always on my knees begging for his forgiveness and the look in his eyes was something only my mind could conjure. The tears streamed from my eyes as I grabbed for him and he snatched away from me. I hate you!- he would yell in my face. Getaway from me! It was all lies! You were never my mother! I hate you!

Everything just seemed so real and it felt like I was sinking into the darkest of waters.

I wasn't a bad mother right? I have my reasons if anyone agrees with them or not. I was doing the right thing, right? This wasn't guilt,was it? Maybe I'm just tired and it's taking it's just toll on me.

Yeah fucking right, Alexia.

Alright,so I was feeling a lot more guilt than usual lately. Everybody kept coming from left and right with this bullshit. You gotta tell him. It's not right, Alexia. You can't keep doing this. You do or it's gonna be me.

And the worst part is that Dalion asked about him again.

He always does. When he first did, I almost cried. I stayed up all night thinking about it and trying to contemplate if I really was that horrible of a mother. Guilt sunk in then and I never felt so fucking pathetic. But I told him anyway... the truth. Dalion knows he has a father. I never made it out to be as if he never had one or he would never see him. I just said when the time is right you'll see. And it's true, when or if DJ ever decides to stop thugging around then I would happily let them meet. But he still asks about him. All the time. And every time he does, I force myself to numb the feelings of my guilt. He wasn't ready for responsibility... he had the streets, I try to make myself believe. I tried to make myself believe it. But shit, if I couldn't even fool myself how could I fool everybody else?

I turned over in bed and looked at the clock on my nightstand. It was almost 6 pm. Oh shit. I slept all fucking day. Dalion went with Terrence and Kimmy to Shay's mom's house. She adored the kids and took them whenever she could. She had help from her husband with the three monsters. It was actually almost time for me pick him up.

Rolling back over on my back, I stared at the ceiling. I put a shaky hand to my chest and breathed a sigh of grief. It's crazy how my life changed so fast. Just a couple weeks ago, I wasn't even worried about DJ. Now I can't do anything but feel bad for the son of a bitch.

I rolled my eyes and got up from the bed. Sleep wasn't with me these days and I swear I think I'm losing my mind. Walking out my room and down the steps, I trudge through the living room to find my way into the kitchen.

The sun was just setting and dull blue light of the sky shined through the blinds and dark orange curtains. I was just so tired. I could just walk over to couch and go back to sleep right then and there. But I was hungry as a bitch.

My feet dragged around the kitchen as I warmed up some leftover pizza on a paper plate. Just as I sat down on the living room couch with my food, the doorbell rang. I didn't even have a chance to get up from my seat when the door was swung open.

"Bitch, I'm here!"

I rolled my eyes and tore off a piece of pizza in my mouth, annoyed. I did not want to be bothered today. I swear I'm starting to regret giving Shay a damn key to the house. I just got a day off from work and Dalion is away. Just one day, God. Just one day.