Transangelic Exodus (Mcyt Oneshots,Mostly Angst)

15; may death knock on my door

Tw:self harm, crying,suicidal thoughts if you squint. I think that's it.

I can't stop,I'm not that sad anymore so why can't I stop? I want to stop. But it's like a high. I can't stop. I think while looking in the mirror at the faint scars around my shoulders,and the new cuts accompanying them. My eyes are blood-shot from crying so much.

I don't know how long I've been in here,the bathroom door is slightly cracked because I'm home alone. I sit down and rest my head against the cupboard while gripping the small blade between my index finger and thumb. I made read lines on my thighs,angry and red ribbons forming. I grit my teeth and let out a whimper,not trying to stay quiet like usual.

I remember wilbur getting caught self harming. Techno was holding the remote up above wil,and he jumped up to get it. His sleeve went down and there were fuming,jagged red lines littering his wrist. Techno looked at him with eyes blown wide and teary,not being able to say anything. Wilbur stared in shock and ran up to his room and locking himself in. I remember watching as dad and techno cleared out all the knives and scissors in the kitchen,listening to the clipping noise of dad cutting wild nails down to where he couldn't hurt himself with them.

And I remember wilbur screaming and begging dad not to go through his room,I remember him throwing himself at dad trying to get the box filled with blades out of his grip. He didn't talk for months after,the silence was suffocating. Without his soft songs and guitar at night the silence was unbearable.

I promised myself I wouldn't call down that path,yet here I am. it's addicting,really. I look down and realize the amount of cuts on both my thighs,there are so many. Some are deeper then others. The 2 blades on the floor mockingly stare back at me.

Before I can stop them silent tears start falling,the silence turns to quiet,the quiet turns to sobs. The only thing I register is the sound of the sink still running,and the pain everywhere. Not the blood on the floor,not the blood dripping down my thighs and shoulders,not the way the sobs wrack my body,or how loud they are,I don't even register wilbur standing at the door with tears in his eyes. Or when he calls my name and asks me to calm down,or follow his breathing.

I only realize his presence when I feel a gentle hand on my back,I flinch and look to see him. "-ommy? Tommy follow my breathing,alright?" I finally start to shakily follow his breathing,mine eventually calming down.

He pulls me into a hug,and I break down all over again. I feel his hand rubbing soft circles into my back "it's alright,let it out,it'll be okay." He says in a hushed voice. "Wil I don't wan- I c-ant- I'm tired" I say in-between sobs.

"I know toms,I know." We sit in silence while my sobbing calms down,wilbur using a wet rag to clean the cuts,using gauze to dress them and taking the blades and throwing them away.

"I'll have to tell Phil,toms. But it's gonna be okay, alright? We'll help you. We'll help you get through this."