Alícia Sierra felt like she was constantly living on a roller coaster. She had heard the best and the worst news of her life merely months apart. Three months exactly. This is how long their happiness had lasted. How bittersweet life can be. It give...
Hello, again, here is a short update. This chapter should have been part of chapter 8, but for some reason I forgot to join them together. To compensate it I post the update earlier than usual :) Enjoy!
London, Winter 2001
Raquel woke up with a startle. It took her a few seconds to come to herself and look at the alarm clock on her bedside time. It showed 3 o'clock in the morning, meaning she still had four good hours of sleep before she was supposed to get out of bed. She reached for the object and almost knocked it over trying to stop it. "Bloody thing." When the noise continued she realised she hadn't been woken up by the alarm clock at all. Confused to discover the sound that had disturbed her came from one of the other bedrooms, she put her slippers on and went to investigate, already knowing exactly which room she should go to, since Rosie was almost never home anymore. She had found a new boyfriend and practically lived with him now, only coming to their flat once in a while to get fresh clothes.
At first Raquel just placed her ear against the door and listened carefully. A moment later she heard the sobbing, loud and clear. She hesitated only for a fraction of second before knocking. "Alícia, estás ahí?" The crying suddenly stopped but no one answered.
Alarmed, Alícia swallowed her sobs and glanced at the door, hoping she would be left alone. Silence.
Raquel didn't give up. She knew better than to think it was nothing. "Alícia, qué pasa?"
Alícia knew the other wouldn't just leave it, and couldn't help grinning when she saw a reflex of her own personality in the other woman, but still would rather be by herself after that nightmare that had made her wake up panting. "Nada."
"Alícia, por favor, I'm coming in," Raquel warned as she slowly opened the door and peeked inside to see the redhead leaning against the headboard, her face swollen and stricken by fresh tears. This time she did not hesitate before going in. In turn, Alícia didn't send her away. Maybe talking to someone about what had been consuming her in the last few weeks would help.
Raquel sat beside her friend on the bed and offered her the warmest smile she could muster, taking comfort in the fact that the other didn't look away or tried to hide what she had been holding and appeared to be a photograph. "What is that, cariño?"
"Germán. My boyfriend. On the picture," she showed it to the other, unable to even put a whole sentence together properly.
Suddenly Raquel understood, or she thought she did. Had he broken Alícia's heart in such a way that she didn't have a choice but run away?
"He should be here with me today," Alícia muttered, her eyes watering up again. "He, he-" Her voice got caught up in her throat. "I lost him."
"Did Germán die?" Raquel had judged the man wrong. In a matter of seconds she felt her own eyes filling up with tears. She offered Alícia her hands, which she gladly took.
"Our baby. He would have been 6 months now."
Wrong, Raquel had pictured the whole situation completely wrong. There was no way she could have come even close to the truth, and there were absolutely no words to express the pain Raquel felt in her heart and saw reflected in Alícia's eyes. She couldn't even begin to imagine how broken her friend must have been all this time. "Lo siento," she whispered as she put her arms around Alícia and hugged her tight.
The redhead let herself sink in that embrace and didn't even try to hold back the tears that fell freely against Raquel's shirt. The brunette pulled Alícia's head even tighter against her chest, wishing deeply that she could take up some of that horrible pain to herself and holding her as long as she was ready to speak again.
Once Alícia's sobs slowed down and eventually ceased she released herself from Raquel and looked for her eyes. "I have been dreaming of him a lot lately," she said with a faint smile. "It is usually something good. The other day he was telling me he was happy and I shouldn't worry."
Raquel was overwhelmed by that confession. Letting timid tears fall across her cheeks, she took one of Alícia's hands between hers and placed a soft kiss on the back of it. "I am sure he is," she assured. Then, all of sudden, Alícia's expression darkened and she retrieved her hand in a jolt, leaving the other reactionless.
"But now he is gone and all I dream about is that fucking accident," she revealed as heavy sobs took over her again.
Alícia told Raquel about that faithful night as best as her body would let her. It was all still too raw, the wound still wide open, and talking about it was simply excruciating. Nonetheless, sharing it with Raquel seemed just right. Though she knew the pain would never go away, feeling she was not alone made it slightly more bearable.
"I thought coming here would help me get over it," Alícia admitted. "I was wrong. And selfish."
Raquel embraced her again. "Don't blame yourself. You did what you felt what was right at the moment, even if it doesn't seem like it anymore. How could you know."
Alícia shook her head. "No. Germán did nothing but be there for me since it happened. He put me first, and I left him to suffer alone, it didn't occur to me he was in pain and needed to be comforted too."
"Alícia, please-"
The redhead didn't listen, she needed to get it all out of her chest. "I haven't even called him after I left, Raquel. I said goodbye in a letter. Can you believe it? Such a coward and heartless bitch."
That night, after Alícia was done insulting and blaming herself, and crying some more, Raquel didn't dare leave her alone, for which she didn't admit but felt extremely grateful. While she, overcome by exhaustion, fell into a restless sleep, the brunette lay awake beside her, looking at her face, dwelling on everything she had just learned and thinking how no one should ever have to go through the pain of losing a child, especially not her friend.
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