Muslim

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I don't remember how the day started, I just knew my head was heavy and I felt like I was gonna vomit on my own clothes.
I opened my eyes slowly trying to look for my iPhone and check the time, I wasn't even shocked when I saw it was 17:30.

I stood up and left my bed, my clothes looked terrible, I had a shower and put on a clean white t-shirt. It was long enough to look like a dress, and I was lazy to put some pants on, I stayed with my boxers and I sat outside.

I woke up at the sunset, the sky over Madrid was a painting of pink and orange color mixing together perfectly, my mind traveled to Bergen, I wondered if Benji could see the same beautiful sunset, he was obsessed with it.

My phone was full of notifications, Luise tried to text me several times but I wasn't in the mood to reply, I ignored all the texts, my head was about to explode.

"Can I get in?" - a voice that seemed so far from me reached my attention, but when I turned my head to him, Jeremiah was already sat in front of me. - "Mi casa es Tu casa...".

"Are you gonna talk in Spanish thinking that I can't understand the irony?" - "No, I didn't mean that" - " Fine... Then, Do you feel better?"

He smiled at me pulling his brown hair back with his hand, I didn't notice how many rings he used to wear on before that, I can't explain why my eyes fell on his hands.

"My head is a mess.." - "I imagined, I told Blake we were working on the project until late so... You have a reason to pass the dinner" - "Thank you... But... My project.."

In the moment he mentioned my project I remembered why I was feeling disgusted when I opened my eyes, I only hoped he changed his mind about threaten me for his signature. He looked at me without smiling, a serious look into his eyes reached my thoughts, it felt like he connected to my fears.

"I'm sorry for last night, I'm... I don't wanna you to think that I'm that kind of guy" - "What kind of guy..?" - "the type who asks for sex in exchange of work things, but I read your project and I think something is missing. I also think you're not into the conditions to work on it now so I emailed your secretary and she's already changing the points I corrected."

He surprised me with his words, I listened to his words in silent until he finished talking. I was shocked by the new side he was showing me, he thought about everything, when I wasn't in condition to live. He also imagined how much Blake and my mother would be disappointed if they saw me like that, I appreciated his caring.

"Wow... You're not a monster" - " I'm sorry if you thought I was a monster."

"Can I ask you something?" - I lowered down my eyes, playing with my fingers nervously - "Yeah, sure" - he wasn't scared of my questions, even if he could tell it was something important

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"Can I ask you something?" - I lowered down my eyes, playing with my fingers nervously - "Yeah, sure" - he wasn't scared of my questions, even if he could tell it was something important.

"Why... Did you want to meet Benji?" - "Oh..." - "I mean.. Do you already know him right? So... Why you kissed me if you knew I wasn't him" - "I don't know, it's complicated".

He moved his face turning to the sunset light, his hazel eyes shined for some seconds, he lowered his gaze as I understood he had a story to tell. I judged him before knowing what happened, how bad I felt when I realized I didn't know the whole thing.

After all I could have expected something like that, Benji had so many secrets, it wouldn't surprise me if he broke this boy's heart already.

"You can talk to me if you want" - "I don't think you would understand" - "He broke my heart too".

He stared at me for some minutes, I could tell he wasn't brave enough to ask, but I didn't want him to misunderstand the situation so I kept talking.

"We're not brothers by blood, my mother married his father... When I arrived here, before Blake decided to adopt me, Benji and I had a different relationship. But... I'm not even sure about what we had... And I don't know why he moved so suddenly to Norway, asking me to accept the adoption. But he broke my heart more than once..." - "Still..." - "Yeah... It's not easy, but I moved on" - "You sure?" - "Yeah, i'm sure".

I looked at him for a while and I didn't notice I got lost on details, something about him just hit different for me

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I looked at him for a while and I didn't notice I got lost on details, something about him just hit different for me. My heart was beating way too fast, I wasn't sure what I was expecting from him, but somehow it got me nervous.

"I fell for Benji years ago, when I first met him to a birthday party. We were all rich kids so I thought he was interested in me because I was special, not because I was rich. But at the end.. He only wanted to fuck me because I was the Muslim one." - "What?? Why would he.." - "My religion doesn't really accept homosexuality, as all religions, so... I think I was his prize for the night" - "So... You had sex with him?" - "I did..."

I didn't know what to expect, but for sure I didn't wanna hear that, a tear fell from my eye without me even noticing. Benji never let me.go that far, he didn't even try to have "his prize" as Jeremiah said. Probably, in my situation, his prize was making me fall for him.

"When I saw you... I knew you were not Benji, I just wanted to see if you were dishonest like him" - "I'm sorry for what happened, but he's not like that anymore!" - "more possible that you don't know him as good as you think."

I bit my lips, I started crying, once again Benji had my tears. I was so tired, my head was exploding, I hadn't feel so disappointed and hurted since he left.
When he moved without saying anything more than bye, I thought he loved me and somehow he did it for me. I understood in that moment that he only moved to have better chances, because he knew he couldn't have me the way he wanted.

My heart broke again, once more, for my stepbrother.

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