Back When the Lights Shined

Chapter Seventeen

His hair is bleached blonde now, probably as a disguise. There’s a scar on his forehead that wasn’t there the last time I saw him. It must have been the result of his punishment for trying to protect me. He has a solemn disposition, not happy-go-lucky like he used to be. This isn’t Jaydon. This isn’t even Jaydon Winters. What have they done to him? Brainwashed him to hate outlaws as he had used to? Does he hate me, now?

            Jaydon simply stands there, motionless. He’s dressed in the white jumpsuit they all wear. His hands hang at his side, seeming lifeless. His face is blank, but even from here I can see it in his eyes what he’s really thinking.

            What are you doing here, they seem to ask me.

            He’s dead, though, right? He’s supposed to be dead. I must be imagining all of this. But how could I be? I’m awake. It seems so real. I can’t be imagining, then. That is him, right over there. I couldn’t be mistaking that boy for Jaydon. That is Jaydon, or at least his body. I would be the one to know if I saw him.

            Ashton tugs on my arm again, trying to get my attention.

            I still stand there, mesmerized by the thought. Jaydon, who just weeks ago was considered a rebel, is a CT now. He’s one of them. Untrustworthy, and zombie-like. It doesn’t make sense to me. These people were going to kill me, and he’s working along their side. He did nothing to help me the whole time.

            I shouldn’t, but I do. I blame him for everything.

            Ashton brings my head back from the clouds. He grips my arm and rubs it with his thumb. He steps in front of me, cutting off my view of Jaydon. I bring my attention back to him.

            “Zena, are you okay? What’s going on,” he asks. Ashton looks over his shoulder, trying to identify what I was looking at. I simply stare at him for a few seconds, dumbfounded.

            “Zena, what’s wrong? Please, tell me,” Ashton says, becoming worried. I open my mouth to answer, but I can’t get anything out.

            “Is there a problem here,” a voice asks.

            I turn to my right to face the owner of the voice. Now standing beside us is Jaydon. I gasp, glancing back to where I had seen him standing before. Obviously, he’s not there. I stare at him as he stands next to me. Both Ashton and I are in shock. Ashton steps closer to me and grabs my hand, understandingly.

            I cannot answer for myself. I can’t get out anything I want to say. My entire mind has split. Part of me wants to jump for joy and celebrate the fact that he’s here in front of me, living. Another part of me wants to scream and cry in frustration. I want to hug him. I want to ask him what happened after they dragged me away. I want to act like we are best friends again. The part of me that still loves Circum wants to congratulate him for landing the job, just like I would have months ago. But I can’t. Things are different now. He’s on the other side, and we are going against him.

            It’s Ashton and I against the world.

            I stand in silence instead of answering his question. I look him straight in the eyes, filled with hate and disgust. All I can feel now is betrayal. He can see the disappointment in my eyes, I know. He recognizes me more than anyone else would, and he knows I can’t trust him now that he has chosen this life. I almost want to curse at him and call him every name in the book. I’m so conflicted with hate and joy, it builds within me. I let go of Ashton and ball my hands into fists, refraining from lunging at him.