To conduct the singing misfortune [Dazai and Reader]

Do what I want

Today was just like all other workdays – Boring. The endless amount of paperwork piled on my desk was beginning to look like a mountain. It challenged Osamu's record. Still, I skipped toward the exit with a grin meant for the smell wafting from the cafe.

"What do you think you're doing?" Kunikida's tall frame made its way out of the nurses' office, his face looking strange. "Osamu's downstairs." His unfocused eyes squinted further, staring me down, "He's what?! First, this brat disrupts my workflow, then him! I ought to strangle that suicidal waste of space with the bandages he hoards!!" Well, that's none of my concern, "Kunikida, tell Ranpo I'll be back later so we can watch that new true-crime documentary!"

And that was the last of that before Kunikida almost immediately began screaming, and I ran for it.

I clicked the button on the elevator for the first floor by habit, and suddenly, I was oblivious to all my responsibilities. "Osamu!"

My terrible influence of a brother sat, his hands clasped with the poor waitress asking about life insurance. I made no move to question it, opting to jump over the seats and hang upside down beside him, "How's it hanging?" Osamu's cheerful giggles never got old, "It's great! I've actually been forming some ideas, and I think I might have a suicide revelation on my hands! Say, [Y/N], have you ever heard of the term 'Double Suicide'?" I nodded, "Yeah, it's what you and I do daily. What about it?"

"You speak like this isn't a smart idea, and it's crushing my fragile heart!! Oh, little [Y/N], won't you hear me out?" The blood was starting to rush to my head, and the feeling was strange. It was like holding a bottle upside down and feeling the water weighed on your hand. "Sure."

"Let's make it official!! We can have cool messages on our gravestones like, 'They both died doing what they loved and together as caring siblings'. Ah, or maybe some romantic escapade can assist me. To drown in the river with a beautiful woman by my side! How could I have ever done this on my own?!"

Stars radiated from Osamu, and I nodded, my head feeling heavy, "Uh-huh... That sounds great..." On second thought, maybe I wasn't reacting to the idea, but the blood flow. "[Y/N], sit up properly." I hum in agreement, and some struggle, sliding back down the other side of the seat and feeling all the blood return to my body, "Woah, that was cool. Do you think we could die like that, Osamu?"

"That's a—"

"A bad idea." Kunikda appeared behind us, glasses on his face this time, "Keep a watch out for Atsushi. He should come back through those doors or the other's round back."

"Where'd he go?" Shifting his glasses further up his nose, Kunikida shrugged, "Lord knows. Either way, he'll be back." Glancing toward Osamu, I saw the carefree smile and deemed this no problem, moving on with my thoughts, "Okey-dokey!" Kunikida returned to the stairwell, a stack of books in his arms.

I sighed, then shoved my hands into Osamu's pocket from over the seat, fishing for his wallet. "Looking for this?" The cheeky smile provoked me to grab the wallet above his head, "Osamu, I'm hungry!" He huffs, "You're always hungry! Why can't you let me make you a cute bento with a smiley face?!" 'Sulking Osamu' initiated, but I couldn't let myself be swayed by it, not this time. Not when his cooking is the definition of inedible. I made that mistake once, and I won't make it twice. "Absolutely not."

"But—"

The sound of walking in a group came from the other entrance. The footsteps were organised and filed through the back. "Should we bother?" Osamu shook his head, tucking his wallet back in a different pocket, "The Agency will handle it – plus, Atsushi's still gotta come back." I hummed, then patted my coat for Fitzgerald, "Damnit, I think I left Fitzy in the stairwell."