To conduct the singing misfortune [Dazai and Reader]

Ballroom Dancing III

The mid-day sun peeked through the thin curtains on my window, a small draft cooling the warm air. It was nice weather which was ironic considering the growing tension in Sakunosuke's shoulders.

"I'm taking these to the safe house, [Y/N]." Sakunosuke lifted two bags of toys and sweets to show me. I'd gotten a small one of my own so I couldn't hold it over his head that he was favouring the orphans. Now that I think about it, I'm not sure which of the children he'd taken in he preferred most.

I peer over my drawing, pausing my scribbling as I lay on the floor of my room, "You're leaving your room?" Sakunosuke scratches the back of his head, "Yeah." An inkling of a smile twitches at his lips at my comment, "Do you want to walk with me?" That ball of dread in my stomach, as if a ball of elastic bands, snapped on the outermost layer. I was yet to meet the middle. I continue scribbling, "I don't want to see them."

"...I'm not very good at...stepping in like this." I see Sakunosuke set down the bags and inch his way into my periphery, slowly sitting in front of me and crossing his legs. He often treated me like a scared animal, but it was probably projecting considering it was him that was scared of the words coming out of his mouth, not me. "Stepping in?"

"Yes, stepping in. I know...you're averse to people. It's just that..." Sakunosuke's blank face is slightly twisted with something. I think it's a concerned expression, but it feels more like he's reminiscing on something as he speaks, "It's similar to something I don't want to see in someone your age." I keep my eyes on my drawing, watching my pink felt tip line a person, "Being introverted?" He shakes his head, "No, not that. Some people are just like that. I know I am." If he were more expressive, I would probably see a wince after every word. "You're scared, yes?"

I glance up from my drawing, "So are you. You're scared to admit that you have friends." He sighs, "That's..." I shake my head, "No it's not. Pops and Dazai and me, we're all your friends. You call us different things though - because you're scared. Caretaker, superior at work, orphan. You're insecure." Sakunosuke is quiet, fiddling with his hands. There's only the sound of my different markers and crayons filling the room, the clock, too, if you focus enough, and it lasts a full minute. I purse my lips, "Sorry."

"Mm." Sakunosuke hums in acknowledgement then chuckles. It's a quiet, deep sound, but I look up in shock. My mouth hangs ajar, eyes growing dry from how wide they've opened, and a gasp lays in the back of my throat, "Why are you laughing?" He's not so easy to amuse. Sakunosuke shakes his head, scratching his stubble, "You've pinned a few of my problems when I was supposed to be helping you." Helping?

"I know that I technically can call Dazai my friend, and I know it upsets you when I don't, but with the current climate at work, friendships aren't something I'm privy to. They're rare and can slip from your fingers at a moment's notice." Sakunosuke rarely speaks about himself, adding to my surprise. I place down my pen, "I know. But Dazai isn't going anywhere - He's only a boy. It's mean to assume he is."

"He's growing out of his 'boy' phase." I grin, "Is he, though?" Sakunosuke thinks about it for a moment, going back on his words, "No, not really. He's treated a lot older than he is and acts younger than he is - Most of the time. It's common among people like him." I hum, tilting my head back, "You think I'm going to end up like that." Sakunosuke shrugs, "It's not a bad thing. Dazai is competent enough to do things people twice his age can't, and the same will inevitably apply to you. Pops keeps telling me about it."

As if sensing my slight irritation at the topic, he switches to something else, "My point is, you shouldn't alienate yourself from people around your age." He speaks of my phobia of the orphans, my irrational dread of them. "I'll think about it." I don't want to be around them, even if Sakunosuke insists that it would be easy for me to fit into their little group.