2 months, 10 weeks, 70 days - m.c

everything changed (3)

“Okay Michael hurry up and get on with it,” I say, not being able to stand waiting any longer. My patience was disappearing fast.

 “Look, its not that easy to say. Please just don't rush me,” He says, and I notice his hands shaking. He never looked more nervous, or truly afraid.

 “I’m not trying to rush you, but every second I’m getting more worried about you,” I say. And he looks up at me, our eyes locking. 

 “Okay, here it goes. Its only three words,” He says but doesn't finish his sentence right away.

 “Yes, okay,” And when he says that I get more scared than he is. Is he gonna tell me he loves me? What will I say? How will I react? Oh no. The balance.

 “Charlotte…I have cancer,” He says in a short breath and in that moment I feel my world fall apart. Every bone in my body just broke. Every tear left in my body was ready to come out. Every breath in my body was taken away. I suddenly feel my throat closing, and I feel trapped. I feel like Im dying. 

 “What, what the fuck?” I yell, then I scream so loud he cringes. I stand up off his bed, and pace around his small room.

 “Michael! Why haven't you told me!? What the hell is your problem? I want you to live! I thought we were gonna grow up together! Fucking die together! We haven't done everything yet!” I yell through scattered sobs. I don't want mad to be my emotion, but its the first thing I felt.

 “You don't think I wanna live?! You don't think I wanna grow old together! Charlotte, fuck, this isn't even about you! You're not dying! Im dying! Im dying in 2 months!” He spits out at me and I look straight at him.

 “2 months?” I say, and sit back down on the bed. I burst into louder, heavier sobs. He holds my hand, and it feels familiar. Then I remember earlier when he held my hand. And when he asked if I knew he loved me.

 It makes sense now, he knew he was dying so soon and wanted to make sure. 

 “Thats this whole summer, 2 months,” He says through a raspy voice, his eyes red. 

 “Okay, Michael, first I need to say, Im sorry for calling you weird and stuff. It all makes sense now, and Im so sorry. I love you so much. I loved you before I knew this. I love you more than myself and guess what? We are gonna make this the best summer of your whole life. And no matter how hard this is gonna be on you and me, Im gonna ignore the fact that this is your last summer. Okay?” I ask him through more softer tears and he sighs.

 “Char, I don't expect you to ignore it, but I don't want it to define me, ever. God I still cant believe I'm gonna be another cancer cliche,” He says and shakes his head. He's still not over it. I mean how could you be.

 I pull him in for a hug and he hugs me back. Tighter than ever before. We slowly pull out of the hug, and when our arms are still around each other and our faces inches apart, the only instinct i have is to kiss him. 

 Our noses inches apart and our eyes staring only at each others lips. I guess the balance doesn't mean anything anymore. But I pulled out of the hug completely and we just brushed off the urge.

 “I love you Charlotte and Im gonna start saying it more often,” He says and smiles this really sad but happy smile. I know what way he means I love you, a best friend kind of way and I smile too.

 “Me too Mikey,”