Internet idols

5-Panic attacks and London

I woke up to the faint heavy breathing of someone underneath me. I lifted my head slightly and saw Dan, the sunlight that was seeping in from the blinds on the huge window in front of us highlighted his features. I longed to take a picture, but where would I put it? I just decided to memorize his moment and maybe draw it later. The warmth that he was radiating, his slow breaths, his dark brown hobbit hair, his slightly chapped lips, his hand on my waist, his arm wrapped protectively around me, the way his eyes flickered open and he smiled when he saw me looking at him, I wanted to pretend that I was asleep, but I couln't look away from him. The man that I had been fantasying about meeting, the man I had wrote fanfics about, the man I had shipped with his best friend for years was lying underneath me, staring back at me. I looked at his lips, how I wanted to kiss them, but I knew that would never happen. He would never kiss a fan. Then it happened, he lent in and our lips collided. HE LENT IN. I kissed him back and when we pulled away he smiled.

"Morning." Dan said

"Hello" I replied

"Are you feeling better this morning?"

"Better now I'm with you" Where did that come from? I've never been a flirty person.

Dan smiled "But seriously, does this make your anxiety better?"

"Yes."

"Well now I feel really bad."

"Why?"

"I have to go home today."

"Don't worry, your videos help, even if I've seen them before."

"We can always Skype."

"Sure."

"Maybe you and Ky could come down to London one time."

"Yeah, I'd like that."

Then Dan kissed me again.

"Morning." Kyla said walking in. "Oh, sorry." Then she walked back out and I heard her fangirling.

I shook my head and went to get up but Dan pulled me back to the couch, closer to him his time. My stomach flipped and I smiled.

"What?"

"You arn't going anywhere Sarah."

"Why?"

"Cause I have to go at 1 and I want to savour every moment I have with you."

"But I need to get dressed Dan."

"So do I, don't go, please." He put on a sad face and I sighed. I put my head onto his chest and he played with my hair.

"I'm sorry about last night." I said

"Why?" Dan sounded horrified that I would apologize.

"Because I hate panic attacks and I didn't want to wake you up and-"

"You didn't wake me up and you can't help it Sarah. There are so many people out there with anxiety. Don't worry about it."

"But, everyone bullied me in secondary school for having panic attacks all the time. I was a freak."

"Don't ever think that Sarah. You are not a freak and they don't matter at all."

I sighed again and took a deep breath. I took in Dan's smell of chocolate and caramel and closed my eyes. "Sometimes I think the world would be better of if I just died."

"No. Sarah, whenever you think that think of me and Ky and your family and everyone in them pictures in your room. You have so much to live for and I for one wouldn't be able to cope if you died."

Dan Howell cares about me. "I bet you tell everyone that."

"I do, but I mean it every time. There's always something to live for, even if you can't see it right now. The man or woman of your dreams could be waiting around the corner and you'll bump into them and get their number and have kids with them and when your old and grey with grand kids running around you'll smile at that person and be glad that that one day when you lost all hope you didn't die, you kept going for them few minutes."

Then my eyes closed.

~12:30pm~

I woke up to a kiss on my forehead. I looked at Dan towering over me, his shadow shielding me from the light that hit the back of his head perfectly.

"Hi." I greeted

"Hey, I need to go in half an hour, Want to come?" Dan asked

"Okay." I got up and chucked on the first clothes I could find and ran out.

"You can see that your a fan." Dan stated

I looked down and saw that I was wearing my Dan and Phil pixels T-shirt, black skinny jeans, my phandom member wristband, my danosaur wristband (I only took them off for showers to be honest), galaxy shoes and a black leather jacket.

"Oh shut up." I told him walking toward him and hitting his arm.

"AGH OW I'M  INJURED!" Dan joked around.

"Do you want me to kiss it better?" I kissed his arm.

"My lips really hurt too" I rolled my eyes at him and pecked his lips.

"So, you guys?" Kyla said

"What?" I asked

"Are you two an item now?"

"I guess so." At that Dan clasped my hand and intertwined his fingers with mine.

Kyla smiled, "Well we had better get going, don't want you to miss your train Dan." She told us.

We went to the train station, holding hands when no-one was there in case a viewer saw us. When we got to the train station to drop Dan off, he took me to an area where no one was and no-one would see us and kissed me.

"See you soon" Dan told me

"Yeah. Text me when you get home okay and Skype tonight." I told him

"I'll be texting you the whole time I'm on that train Sar"

"You know what I mean, I need to know that aliens didn't abduct you and experiment on you."

"I promise to tell you when I get back home and to Skype you at 10, after my live show."

"It's Tuesday today! I completely forgot"

"Yes it is." Then he kissed me again and the train arrived. Kyla and I saw him off and said goodbye. As soon as the train left Dan texted me:

Miss you already xx