Internet idols

25-telling the truth and nightmares

"Hey Sar." Dan said as he walked into the living room. "Hungry?"

I shook my head "no." I answered.

"Don't lie Sar, you're just skin and bones, you need something."

"No I don't."

"Come on Sar, anything. I don't mind if I have to go to Sheffield to your favourite cake shop to get that one that you've been eyeing up for months. I don't care if you want my last box of maltesers. I don't care."

"I know that I should eat but I can't."

"Why not Sar?"

I started to cry. I hadn't been able to eat since I found out.

"Phil, can we have a moment alone please?" Dan asked, kneeling next to me and holding my hands.

"Sure." Phil agreed. Once the door shut I broke down on Dan's shoulder.

"What's wrong Sarah?" Dan asked.

"I-I-I can't." I stuttered

"You can't what?"

"I didn't know and they-they took it."

"Took what Sar?"

"My-our..."

"Our what?"

"Baby. I was pregnant. They-they made me abort it."

After a few moments of just my muffled sobs I looked at Dan to see his face emotionless. His eyes were stern and his mouth a straight line.

"Dan?" I asked, holding his head in my hands.

"The monsters." Dan stated.

"Maybe it's a sign. A sign we weren't ready."

"No. If I had let you stay with me-"

"We would've gone home at a point Dan. They were waiting for us. None of this is your fault."

"I can't believe- How are you coping Sar?"

"Not very well."

"You know that none of this is your fault right?"

"Yeah, it's just... I don't know."

"Well I'm going to make you food whether you like it or not."

At that Dan kissed my forehead and disappeared round the corner.

I sighed and put my head in my hands.

"Sarah?" I would know that voice anywhere. Kyla.

"KY!" I shouted. I would've jumped up and hugged her but I didn't have the energy. She caught on quickly though and ran over to me and hugged me.

"I missed you so much Sar." Kyla stated.

"I missed you too Ky." I told her into her shoulder.

When we pulled away I saw a smile on her face, tears in her eyes. My best friend was wearing black trackies and a blue top that looked like- was Phil's. Her hair was now a baby blue and was in a ponytail that showed that her hair had grown. Her natural light brown hair was starting to show in her roots, showing that she hadn't redied it for a while.

"Your hair Ky." I stated, awestruck at how well it suited her.

"Oh yeah, I wanted you to see it this colour before I die it a different colour." She told me.

"What colour?"

"Turquoise."

"Cool."

"I've missed you man."

"I know."

"You don't have to come back with me to Sheffield, Dan and Phil can look after you."

"When are you going?"

"This evening."

"Oh..."

"I understand that you probably don't have the energy right now and you want to stay here don't you?"

"I don't really know Ky."

"You do, you love Dan. Stay here, he can help more than I ever could. I'm presuming your anxiety will only get worse and Dan helps 10x better than I can."

"But Ky-"

"No buts, you're staying here until you want to come back to Sheffield, if you ever do."

"I want to, I want to be with you."

"Then rest and eat. Okay?"

"Yeah, okay."

Kyla smiled at me and walked out of the room. I sighed and put the back of my head into the couch and closed my eyes for a bit.

When I opened them again I wondered where Dan was so I got up and walked to the kitchen.

Then a bag was over my head, I felt a body on the floor and realised it was Kyla. I screamed. They can't take me again.

Then the weight behind me lifted as someone punched them. I lifted the bag off my head and it was Dan. Dan was the kidnapper and Kate was hitting him.

I woke up with a jolt. It looked like late afternoon from the sun, I had gotten quite good at telling the time from the sun's position.

"SARAH!" Dan shouted, running round the corner.

I looked at him, shocked.

"Oh thank God" he sighed, sitting next to me. "You were screaming like there was no tomorrow."

"Yeah, it was a nightmare." I stated.

Dan's face melted and seemed to be sorry. He wrapped his arms around me and my head rested on his shoulder. It was like we fit together, like we were meant for each other.

"I missed you Dan." I told him.

"I missed you too, I'll never let this happen again." Dan stated.

"How, when I go back to Sheffield-"

"I'll go with you."

I looked up at him. "That's just unpractical."

"Why?"

"Because you would have to film up there and you'd leave Phil. How would you make gaming videos?"

"I could visit when you get better."

I shook my head "No Dan, I can't let you throw your life away for me. I'm staying here for a little bit anyway."

"Okay, we'll work it out later. Ky's going in a hour. Do you want to go?"

"Yeah."

"Okay."

Dan put his hand out and I grabbed it. He led me to his room and left me to get changed.