the man with the blue hair || seongjoong || ATEEZ

ch. 6 : black (epilogue)

out of all the seasons, summer was seonghwa's favorite. it used to be winter because, for the longest time, seonghwa preferred the rather dead-looking aesthetic that it brought. he liked how the bitter cold would make his nose and cheeks bright red and borderline liked the pain that came with it as well. for the longest time, he felt that he wasn't allowed to enjoy the objectively beautiful things. he felt that he had to appreciate the things that weren't considered beautiful or the things that were always misunderstood.

seonghwa felt like it was his job to use his talent to portray those said things in a way that people could understand.

people were scared of the things they didn't understand. they were scared of the blues, the blacks, and the grays of the world. and for the longest time in his life, seonghwa refused to paint with any other color. they brought him comfort, the colors were seen as dark and upsetting, which he felt portrayed himself in ways.

anyone who ever got close to seonghwa knew that he was absolutely terrible at expressing his emotions in ways that came across in the way that he actually meant them too. he struggled to connect with people in ways that his friends seemed to be able to do easily. thankfully he had his art, and through that, he was able to connect emotionally with people that tried to understand him.

there were very few people that even tried to understand him.

but each and every single person that did make the effort, seonghwa held onto them so tightly in fear that they would leave just as soon as they came.

he constantly pushed people away subconsciously, sometimes because the colors they reminded seonghwa of were bright ones, almost neon. they were the colors that fit in with the world, the ones that were considered normal and accepted. they scared seonghwa, made him feel uneasy and unwanted.

the lack of life, the pain of the cold air, was what attracted seonghwa to winter.

but as funny as it is, there's always that one thing that seems to draw people to live. there's always that one thing that lights the desire in someone's darkened life that makes them want to paint with color again, makes them want to live in the light that life can offer.

for seonghwa, that something, that catalyst, was a certain and very neon person.

that person showed him that summer could bring him comfort too. that person taught seonghwa that he could rely on the joys that summer gave and that he didn't have to rely on the pain that winter brought. seonghwa's favorite season wasn't summer for the usual reasons that people would say, his had a deeper and special meaning behind it.

late winter and early spring was when he met him, but summer was when he fell in love with him.

seonghwa found himself taking constant walks every evening during the summer. the warm air that blew against his face seemed to hurt in a different way than the cold air would, it was the memories that it would remind him of.

at least it used to hurt, the pain he used to feel was suffocating in the worst way. but now, the warm gust of wind was soothing. it was a gentle lullaby that held him protectively.

"you know," seonghwa spoke out softly, sitting down in the green grass and folding his legs in a criss-cross style. "i thought i should share this with you."

there was a gentle smile on his lips, reaching into the bag that he had slung over his shoulder and pulled out an all too familiar book. he held it in his lap while he brushed his fingertips over the worn cover.

"i finished it today, finally for the hundredth time. it's so funny, after all these years, it took me this long to finish that one page of the book."