the man with the blue hair || seongjoong || ATEEZ

ch. 4 : red

before seonghwa had met the man with the blue hair, he avoided death as much as he could. it wasn't like he had traumatic experiences with it growing up, he still had both of his parents and the only time he had been at a funeral was for his grandparents. but the thought of death itself made his skin crawl and made him almost break out in a cold sweat.

he honestly could say he was allergic to it and made it his mission to avoid it at all cases.

which really was funny since he spent most of his time at the hospital, around sick and dying people. he had gotten better for sure over the years, but it was still extremely hard for him to be in the presence of someone who was dying. maybe it was his own fear of death itself, he was often reminded that each day that passed was another day closer to his own nonexistence. or it could also be the fear of being alone.

for someone who hated his social battery being drained constantly and preferred being alone most of the day, it was weird to him that he was so scared of being alone.

saying goodbye to hyejin was easily one of the hardest things he ever had to do. he really wouldn't have done it if the man hadn't convinced him to do it, his words seemed to strike seonghwa to the core and nearly left him feeling guilty for even thinking about not saying goodbye.

"you know seonghwa," the man whispered to him as they stood outside of the hospital, "i can promise you, that someone who is leaving or dying wants to say goodbye to the people they love. children may not understand why their favorite person won't see them before they go, because they can't understand certain things like how death is scary for some people when the children have grown up with it."

seonghwa had just kept his mouth shut, clenching his jaw as he tried to listen to the man's words.

"dying people want to be let go, but in a send-off way. they want to be surrounded by people they love. she may wonder if she ever did something wrong because you never came to see her. trust me, i know."

it was scary, it was hard, and it was so uncomfortable to seonghwa the entire time. she let him hold her, she was strong enough that day to leave her bed for just a little so he could carry her around her room while she showed him all the pictures that he painted on her wall. he painted another one for her, her favorite character, nala, from the lion king. he pinned it up against her wall, trying his best to be cheerful the whole time he was there.

she was pale and had a little beanie covering her bald head, but her eyes were so blue and bright that it had just a little comfort resting over seonghwa. the man was there the whole time, they came earlier in the morning and told seonghwa he would be with him the whole time.

but no matter how awkward he felt, and no matter how bad he wanted to run away and hide from the truth, he didn't regret any of it.

when they left, the man took seonghwa to go get slushies and offered to pay for his as well. that was the first time seonghwa accepted the offer, deciding to get an extra large cup instead of his usual medium one. they took a short car ride to the park near the hospital, deciding the sit on the hood of seonghwa's car and slurp on the cold drinks while they watched kids and their parents run around the grassy area.

seonghwa looked over to the man's drink, once again barely any of it had even disappeared.

"you never drink your drinks," he commented in a light-hearted manner, pointing towards the full cup. "i bet you secretly hate the flavor but refuse to admit it."

"ah, i really meant it wasn't anything like that," he said softly, bringing the straw to his lips and sucking just a little. "sometimes, my stomach doesn't handle foods and liquids very well."