We Could Be Dreamers

10

"So how're things going with Brooke?" Sam asks me, bumping into me on the way to class. 

"I..." a small smile spreads across my face. I've been feeling way less stressed about Brooke since I found out that Jason's gay. 

Confused.

But also way less stressed.

So I'm counting that as a plus. 

"Ooh!" Sam says with a grin, leaning against the side of my locker. "Good news, then? What happened?"

And that's when I realize that I probably shouldn't tell Sam about Jason.

It's weird, keeping secrets from Sam. But it's not like I'm keeping a secret for me. And it's not even a secret—it's just something that she... doesn't need to know. Sam clearly doesn't know that Jason is gay, so why should I tell her?

"Nothing specific," I tell her. "Just. I really think that we're getting closer. So that's good news. I think."

And that's true. I really think it is. 

It's just not the whole truth. 

"Hey, that's amazing!" Sam says. "Glad stuff's working out. I—shit," she mutters as the class bell rings. "Gotta go. But—" she darts forward and kisses me on the cheek quickly before pulling away. "You got this!" She calls, weaving through the crowded hallways in a blur of blue denim and red flannel and Doc Martens. 

I'm pretty sure my face is bright red at this point. 

"Damn," Tyler says, and fuck fuck fuck, I didn't realize he was behind me. "Why are you bothering with Brooke? I'd hit that." 

I scowl and whirl around to face him, shouldering my backpack and shoving my way through the hallway. Oh, Sam would kick him in the groin so hard his balls would go numb and fall off if she heard him say that. 

"Shut up," I mutter, making my way past him.

"What?" He laughs, grabbing the strap of my backpack and yanking me towards him. My cheeks are still flaming as he spins me around. "I'm just saying, she'd probably be way easier than Brooke."

"Huh?" I frown. I could follow the sexist bullshit just fine, but this part's got me confused. 

"Because. You know." Tyler leans back on his heels. "She's bi. So she'd be way easier." 

And the way he's looking at me when he says that?

It's as if he doesn't even realize what's wrong with what he's saying. 

"What the fuck?" I pull away, eyes wide, and stare at him in disbelief. "What's wrong with you?"

And if I was a good friend to Sam, I'd cuss him out or punch him or something. I dunno how guys are supposed to deal with this kind of thing. If I was a good friend, I'd handle this... not like a coward, and I'd defend her. But as Tyler laughs like a  fucking idiot, like it's no big deal and he didn't just call my best friend a slut because of who she fucking loves, like he's not acting like more of a dickwad than I thought he could ever be, I just take a deep breath, turn away from him, and make my way to my class. 

Yeah, I'm a fucking terrible friend. And I don't deserve Sam at all. 

But I dunno. 

I just don't know how to deal with any of this stuff.