Life of the Party

Changes

Jisung was excited about Yezi. She was perfect, too perfect. They decided that they would meet up today, so naturally, Jisung wanted to look nice. He wanted her to see him the way he's starting to see her too. Maybe Jisung wouldn't die alone like he always thought he would. He wanted a romance like the ones he had seen in movies. Beautiful, light hearted, captivating. Perhaps now it was his turn.
Jisung put on the best outfit he had in his closet paired with his most expensive cologne. He felt a bit pathetic putting this much effort into a girl that could potentially hurt him with no regrets in the future. But he convinced himself she wouldn't do that to him. Jisung also hoped this date would take Hyunjin off of his mind once in for all. He had been wrecking his head about Hyunjin's rather odd behavior for a while now. He could even say he was worried about him, but he just couldn't be that weak, he can't let himself feel bad for his enemy, the person who has been taunting him for so long, right? He must be just a little tired since he's very active and doesn't stop not even for one day of the week. He's alright, YOU'RE alright, Han. Everything's gonna be just fine.

Hyunjin on the other side, was being taunted by his own thoughts. He was sitting at a cafe, his sketchbook in front of him, a cup of coffee and a couple sweets by his side, untouched.
It was a beautiful sunny day, but Hyunjin didn't like sunny days that much, he always thought they were too obnoxious and bright, it's really not his favorite type of weather, it's just not as cozy and enjoyable as rainy days were. Hyunjin was looking at the people coming and going outside. There were a lot of couples out today, which bothered Hyunjin quite a bit, given his recent neverending fights with his feelings. But he had to admit, seeing those couples pass by was actually a really nice sight to see in the end. They all looked happy, healthy, in love. Hyunjin felt jealousy creep up his mind and consume his body.
Though he'd never say it aloud, he wanted a partner, somebody that would love him just as much as he loved them. He wanted a love that consumed him, somebody that made him feel like he needed nobody else but them. Something intense and remarkable. He always had this fantasy of being part of one of the couples in the streets that people would be jealous of, just like the way he felt looking at those who passed by him right now. A couple that everyone would look at and think, "That's love, they're in love." Hyunjin's past relationships weren't the most successful ones. He was naive, too naive. And people took advantage of it. They used him like he was nothing, and it hurt him in unspeakable ways. But he was in love, aren't people naive when they're in love?

Hyunjin's parents weren't the best example when it comes down to love, but then again, they weren't the best example in general.
His father struggled with alcohol abuse and meth addiction. And as one does, he'd always come home drunk, violent. And even if he wasn't drunk, which would be a miracle, he would be meth deprived, which led him to be just as violent.
His mother was far from a victim, though. She also struggled with addiction, cocaine addiction. To top it off, she was very emotionally abused towards Hyunjin, and since he was an only child, there wasn't much of an escape, he would always be the target. Though his father scared him, in his opinion, his mother's mental abuse messed him up the most. When he finally had the chance to move out, he did. He doesn't like seeing his mother, even though they cross paths from time to time, he likes to keep his distance. Her harsh words and despicable behavior that were still carved on his mind and haunted him to this day. He still feared his mother, but he was doing much better than he was before. Hyunjin would say he moved on, and he was proud of himself.
Still, he wanted to have a relationship that was the opposite of his parents relationship. He wanted someone that made him feel alive, made him feel like he was wanted, cared for. But since all of his previous tries had little to no success, he started to think that maybe, just maybe, love wasn't for him.

"What's in your head, Ji?" Jisung heard Yezi's voice echoing, interrupting his thought process. "You seem a bit distracted, I'm not mad, I'm just worried that maybe it's my fault"
Jisung shook his head and reached for her hand "No, it's not your fault. I've been thinking about a lot of things the past week, but it's not important, you don't have to worry about it."
Yezi held his hand tighter, and then said "You can talk about it with me. You know how people say that talking about it always makes you feel better in the end."
Jisung smiled, appreciating her kindness, but denied once again, wanting to keep this for himself,despite being pretty open usually. "No it's fine. I brought you here to have fun, not to worry about anything else," He let out a sigh of relief when he saw a smile creep up her face. "So, let's go somewhere else! Let's find something cool to do"
He stood up and grabbed her hand, pulling her along with him while she giggled happily. Jisung felt at peace, happy. Though his worries for Hyunjin still sat at the back of his head.