Head Over Heart

Chapter Seven

As the sunlight shines through the room, Lexa's eyes flutter open. She takes in the silence for a moment. She looks over at her wife. She had her mouth slightly open and blonde hair splayed across her face. She couldn't believe she was actually home. Something she never thought would happen. She had accepted her fate long ago. She didn't think she'd still be alive at this point.

She felt throbbing pain in her leg and hissed as she sat up. She grabbed her cane and forced herself onto shaky feet. This was her life now. Riddled by pain and unable to properly walk. She used to love running you know. Just her and the music playing through her headphones. She could run for miles on end. She enjoyed the peace of it. She felt invincible when she ran. Like nothing could touch her as long as she kept moving forward.

Depression is something that came with the pain. Knowing your body can no longer do what you ask of it. Knowing your career is over. That you will now be subjected to this stupid stick the rest of your life. She no longer felt invincible. She felt fragile. She felt stuck.... held back. She wanted to walk like really walk. To run. She wanted to be able to take steps that didn't result in pain shooting throughout her body.

She sighed and moved towards the kitchen. Their house looked the same from the outside but inside there were these subtle changes. Like the cups no longer being in the same cabinet. Or how her things were no longer in the hall closet. Everything felt out of place. She felt out of place. She feels like a stranger in her own home Like she didn't belong there. Everything just felt so wrong.

Lexa unscrewed the pain medicine bottle and swallowed the pills. Two was always the scheduled dosage. Two every four hours. But two never felt like enough. No matter what she did, she couldn't escape the pain. She found it ironic. The pain. When she was being tortured she had almost shut off that part of her. The part that reacts to the pain being inflicted on you. She became numb to it. She knew what to expect and her body was trained for it.

But now? now she feels everything. She can still feel the plunge of the blade he put through her shoulder. The bullet that went through her leg the first time she tried to escape. She wasn't always chained to that wall you know. No, she was chained to the wall after many failed attempts of trying to run. They tortured her until she couldn't run anymore. They didn't even need the chains really by time they were done with her. She couldn't walk, let alone run. She was broken. She didn't know it at the time but she knows it now.

She threw the closed bottle against the wall in anger as tears streamed down her face. She gripped the kitchen island tightly.

"Lexa?" Clarke said through a raspy voice as she looked around for her

She wiped her tears and cleared her throat "In here." She says

Clarke wraps the blanket around herself and walks into the kitchen. "Are you okay? I heard something fall." She says

"Yea... I uh just dropped the pill bottle." She says

Clarke looks over at the bottle and back to her wife. She picks it up and sets it on the counter.

"Are you sure you're okay?" She asks

Lexa moves towards the cabinets. She opens them and rolls her eyes as she realized this one has changed too. She shuts it and begins opening them all in frustration.

"Hey... talk to me. What are you looking for?" Clarke asks

"Where are the mugs?" Lexa huffs

Clarke moves towards the other end of the counter and opens the cabinet closest to the fridge. Lexa grabs a mug and starts the coffee maker.

"Would you like a cup?" Lexa asks not breaking eye contact from the coffee machine

"No. I'm okay. Are you hungry? you should really eat something when taking these." Clarke says