I Loathe You. I Love You Too.

Chapter Nineteen : people change, you did

Chapter Nineteen : people change, you did.

Paige

Parker was in my room on my bed trying to finish his homework that he procrastinated as I was watching vampire diaries and minding my business, "are you getting tired?" he asked and I shook my head.

"No, I'm okay, why are you?" I asked.

"No, I'm still wide awake," he mentioned but I saw the confusion on his face as he struggled with Algebra 2 and I decided to sit up and help the lost soul. I paused my show and sat next to him as he started writing down the wrong thing. "Don't stop what you're doing because of me, I got this."

"Parker, you're not even writing the problem right," I took his pencil and erased what he had before writing down the problem the right way and he watched me, I felt his eyes.

"I thought you were mad at me," he said and I looked up at him and saw the curiosity in his eyes, wondering what changed.

"I am Parker, I'm just helping you with homework that's it."

"Will we ever talk about what's going on between us, the tension, the anger or are we going to just ignore it."

"There's no reason to fix it, besides when we do break up it would be out of anger instead and I think it'll help in the long run to just not talk about what's bothering us, in the long run," I shrugged my shoulders and handed him his paperback.

"That's what you want," he said and I nodded.

"Yeah," I nodded.

"And what about what I want? What about our agreement?"

"Parker we never solved anything communicating because all we did was tear each other down, make ourselves angerier."

"Okay, then let's talk, just talk and the other person doesn't say anything if they know it'll hurt the other person."

I sighed before shaking my head, "Parker what are you doing? Why do you want to talk all of the sudden?"

"Because I don't want you hating me, I don't want you thinking I'm selfish and arrogant and an asshole. I want you to know and see who I am and not whatever you've come up with by being a bystander. So please Paige tell me, talk to me," he looked at me and I sighed.

"What about Haylee?"

"I ran out of my own house because Haylee was trying to be who she is and I came here where I know you would never try to kiss me," he smiled.

"Okay Parker, what do you want to know?" I asked.

"What did I do to you to make you hate me?" he asked and I sighed.

"Where to start," I took a deep breath, part of me didn't want to have this conversation but then there was that part of me that wanted him to know what I see versus what he thinks I see, "when you got really popular I'd try to talk to you when we used to be close and then suddenly I didn't have the popularity like you did so I started to hate how you'd treat me, like when we were in public I was just a stranger but behind closed doors, with my family and everything I was one of your best friends," I shook my head knowing that anger was still railed inside me, "and then when you and Haylee started to date our friendship split in two because she'd say things to my face and it'd would hurt and yet you just stood and watched. You did nothing Parker, even after the fact you'd say nothing about it. I was just a punching bag and I had to fix myself and my self esteem without help from anyone because guess what I was nothing," I stared into his eyes and he knew I needed this, "and then the constant her coming to you, her constantly trying to break up this fake relationship and you letting her. You letting her manipulate you over and over and over again, what the hell Parker! How many damn times do you need to be screwed over to realize that you deserve better! That you don't deserve to wake up every damn day knowing she's fucking Noah, like your mom said at the table, if she truly was in love with you all she'd see is you, all she'd want is you," I sighed knowing that I wasn't done. "And then how you acted once you kicked out Connor, you didn't even talk to me, I was trying so damn hard to get you to slow down and look at me and yet you left. I know you were angry though and you lashed out and I told you I hated you but I don't hate you Parker I just," I paused wanting to say the right thing, "hearing that from you, knowing part of me would always try to be Connors even when he'd never be mine truly hurt. I mean it's hard to hear something you don't want to hear, especially coming from someone who you know has good intentions," I looked into his eyes then and he was inches away from me, "and knows that I deserve better," I looked at his lips and then his eyes so lost in him that I forgot for a second these feelings weren't supposed to happen, this was for our own benefits, "I guess I hated the you before we started all this, and I was angry for so long that I've been distant."