Pucking Fantastic

Chapter 18: It's Inspiring

Song for the start of the chapter!

I leaned against the frame of the car as I waited for Jaimie and Paulo to come outside the school to the car. It was times like this when I was reminded that I needed to get my license.

I fanned my face as I tried to cool down, but I couldn't. I was sure I was running a fever, which was just another side effect of the treatments I was on. They told me that this would cause the least amount of side effects and that I should still be able to keep up with my expectations. But with only a week in, I was struggling to keep up with everything.

"Hey girl!" Tom said with a smile as he ran up to me.

"Hey," I smiled as I tried to look as well as I could in front of him. I stood up a little straighter as I leaned against the car as he zipped up his coat, reminding me it was freezing out but I didn't feel cold at all.

"So did I see you holding hands with Callum Weeks today?" he grinned.

I nodded as blush came to my face knowing he did see that. We had been dating for a week now but until today it had been secret, spending time together where no one would see us. But today was the day that we decided to make it public and the whole skating group knew.

"You guys are cute," he said with a smile, although there was something that he was holding back.

"Thank you," I said, ready to ask him what he was holding back.

Breaking us from our conversation was Quinn, who came running up to us. "Hey El!" she said with excitement.

"Hey," I replied as I looked at Tom to see that he vanished. I frowned, wondering why he left so quickly when Quinn was his best friend.

"So who were you talking to?" she asked as she stuffed her hands in her pockets, looking uncomfortable.

"Tom, you didn't see?" I asked, unable to fight back the concern in my voice. Fear crept back into my mind as I thought maybe I imagined him just like I did with my father at sectionals.

She shook her head. "Nah, but that doesn't matter... I wanted to ask you about your eating disorder..."

I frowned, hoping it wouldn't come down to this. I had watched Quinn pick at food and tell us she wasn't hungry for a year now. It was clear that she herself had an eating disorder, but no one wanted to address it. She wasn't wasting away, and she was still improving with skating, so why make it worse? "Yes?"

She shrugged as she looked at the ground, kicking a chunk of ice with her shoe. "I don't know. I just... how did you decide it was time for help?"

And suddenly I realized what a mess I got myself into. I had no experience to provide any kind of valid advice, but I needed to in order to keep up the lie that everyone thought was the truth. So what would I say to this girl who was actually battling the disorder. I was silent for a moment as nothing felt right in my mind. "I don't think I'm the right person to talk about this," I said, hoping that she would drop it.

"But you came out about it. You have been so honest. It's inspiring."

It actually wasn't. I was a liar. I hid behind a false illness in order to protect myself. There wasn't anything inspiring about that. "I didn't seek help until that moment I passed out on the ice." I crossed my arms over my chest. "And even then, it wasn't my idea. It still isn't," I said, forcing the words out like bitter large lemons.

She frowned at me, not liking my response. But I didn't like it either. She was expecting some grand statement, but that wasn't me since I had no life-changing statement. I sought help because I had no choice. It got to the point where I couldn't ignore it any longer and they forced me to the place I am currently.