Pucking Fantastic

Chapter 37: Up From Here

Look out for the <>!

I am still safe in Brazil. I have been spending most of my time inside but things all over the world are heating up. It is a bit stressful to read about it in the news so I decided to not read as much about it. 

I hope you all are still staying safe.

Darla

I sat on the couch and frowned as I looked out the windows to the backyard. The snow was floating gracefully down to the ground like it was dancing ballet, but I was stuck here on the couch. Everyone was gone, doing errands and I was forced to stay home in solitude.

For only being home for one full day, I felt like it was a lifetime. I was more isolated here than I was in the hospital. I thought I would be happy to be home, and in some ways I was, but here, right now, I felt completely alone.

I ran my hand through the short fuzz that was growing on the top of my head as I thought. My body ached and my head pounded. Being alone, all I could focus on was my pain. I wanted someone to hold me and tell me everything was going to be ok.

<>

Breaking me from my thoughts was the urge to go to the bathroom. I stood up from the couch with trouble and frowned at the bathroom that seemed so far away. Maybe I should wait, but the urge to go pee was too strong for me to hold. I took a step forward. I felt my feet ground with the floor. I took slow steps towards the bathroom. Finally, I put my hand on the handle of the bathroom door and then felt my legs buckle under me.

Instantly I was on the floor. My eyes start to well up with tears as my pants got wet. I was broken. I was nothing. Who was I, when I couldn't even get to the bathroom?

"El!!" mom called out to me as she opened the front door to the house

I wiped my tears and sniffled. She was back quicker than I thought. "Mom!?" I asked, making sure I wasn't hearing things.

"El? Where are you? Are you ok?" she asked with worry in her voice.

"No," I said honestly to her as she ran up to me.

She looked at me with pity. "Oh, El," she said as she sat down next to me.

I shook my head. "Mom, I can't do this."

She pulled me into a hug and sighed. "Yes you can. You have done hard things before. You'll get better and this will get better," she said firmly.

I pulled out of the hug and wiped my tears again. "But I hurt."

She flinched back. She didn't like seeing me like this but she remained strong. "That was why I went out and I got your medication," she said and handed me a bag of pill bottles.

I looked at all four bottles. All my life I had never taken any medication or vitamins but now, I had collected at least five pills to take a day.

To be honest, I wasn't excited about taking any of these. Allyson told me about the side effects. They would all take a toll on me but she was convinced that it would be better for me in the long run. I wasn't sure I believed her. But then again, I hadn't even tried. "Ok."

"Ok, let's get you up and in some fresh clothing," she said and helped me up from the ground. "In Paulo's joking words, 'you can only go up from here'," she said, trying to make light of the situation.

I nodded. She was right. I could only go up from here.

With that, she went into the kitchen to get water for me. "Take these so we can go to your appointment," she said as she handed me a glass of water. She then walked off, probably to get me some new clothes.