It hurts (edited)

1

BUCK'S P.O.V. [ thoughts are italics] [ flashbacks are bold italics]

The water turns on and the memories flood in, the beatings, the losing, they never stop. I grab me razor and go over them again. I quickly stop, changing into my casuals and head to the car.

"Hey Buck, you ok?" Eddies voice comes from behind me, I turn and give him a smile.

"Yeah, everything is fine" I reply, turning back to get into my car. 'Shift is finally over. I don't need to hold it together anymore' I think to myself. My mind goes back to our last call this afternoon

(Flashback) Earlier that day:

The siren rings through the fire house and we all make our way to the trucks. On the ride to the call Bobby explains the reason of the call

"Ok everyone, the call came from a neighbor saying they heard screaming and yelling coming from the residence, then soon after saw smoke coming from the house. Let's be prepared guys." We arrive on the scene shortly after receiving the call.

"Diaz, Buck, Chim, I want you to go ahead and check that everyone is safe and out of the building. Hen go check the neighbors. Let's go 118, go, go, go." Eddie, Chim and I rush to put our gas masks and equipment on and run into the building.

"LAFD is everyone ok?" I yell out, sweeping the smokey house. We heard yelling coming from down the hall. "Chim go check for the source of the smoke, start at the kitchen, Eddie and I will handle the rest." I look toward Chim and Eddie for conformation and watch as Chim goes towards the kitchen. I signal for Eddie to follow me as I walk down the hall, we come to a stop at a study and find a man with split knuckles in a coughing mess under his desk.

"Please help, my kids are upstairs." Eddie and I help the man out of the building and head up stairs to look for the kids

"LAFD is anyone up here?" Eddie calls out.

"Help we are in here, my brother, he's unconscious." We follow the voice into an open room with a girl cradling her unconscious brother in her lap. Both kids have cuts and bruises littering their bodies. I pause when I see the cuts and bruises and think back to the mans split knuckles.

"Buck you ok? Snap out of it we need to help the kids." At that I snap out of my hell loop like trance to realize that I had tears streaming down my face.

"Yeah I'm fine, sorry." I pick up the buy gently cradling him to my chest as Eddie does the same with the little girl. When we walk out of the building, I hear Bobby give the signal to hose down the rest of the house and run an inspection. "We need to keep the kids away from the dad Eddie, he beat them." I say to Eddie as we take the kids to the other ambos. When we get there Eddie starts to explain the situation to the paramedics. After doing so I briskly walk my way back to the trucks and get in ours, letting the tears run freely down my face and the memories of the beatings I got as a kid flood in. The others start pilling into the truck, sending questioning glances as I wipe away my tears. I can see Eddie is about to say something but Bobby's shaking head stops him. The ride back to the fire house is quiet. We get to the fire station and I rush out and into the showers.

(End of Flashback)

The whole drive home I have tears streaming down my face. The memories of my childhood flashing across my mind like slide show. I eventually get to my apartment building and walk up the stairs taking my time, hiding my face anytime someone came past. I walk into my apartment and close my door. Letting my back hit and slide down the door, I let the memories drown me.