nAsTy LIL SHiTe(Draco Malfoy Fanfic)

Chapter One

I stare into the long hallway. There is a door at the end. This is one of my nightmares. I can't control myself, and my body starts moving towards the door.

I enter the door and see a terrible sight. My parents bodies lie there... lifeless. I watch as the greasy french fry falls from my father's cold dead hands.

I hold back a scream as I look at their bodies. My parents died when I was four from food poisoning. I rush forward to try and revive my parents but it is no use. I am a child after all. I don't have muscles...

I woke with a cold sweat running down my back. I've had these dreams ever since they passed. My crazy aunt ran through the door holding a pan. "YOU LIL SHITE!!! YOU'RE A DISAPPOINTMENT!!! THIS IS WHY UR MUM DEAD..DEAD AS A COCKROACH!"

I sighed and got out of my bed. My aunt stared at me without saying anything. If you haven't noticed, my aunt is kind of mental. She's my only family left ever since my parents died in America. And if you haven't already noticed, my parents are dead. Like, really dead. Like, super Dead. Deader than McDonald's ice cream machine.

My aunt lives in London. This is where my mother grew up. She moved away with my dad because she loved the food in America. Ironic, considering she died of food poisoning.

I checked the mail. Nope. Nothing from my dead parents. I then walked past my crazy aunt, who is still staring at me btw. A bird then flew into my house and took a PHAT SHIT on my crazy aunt. Btw she's crazy.

My aunt shook the white substance out of her hair, and out fell a letter. I knelt down and picked it up gingerly. It was a yellow looking envelope that had my full name on it.

Cassandra Gemini Mae Sapphire Jones
420 pp poopoo avenue.

I opened up the letter while my aunt continued watching me. It's getting kind of weird now. She hasn't said anything in like ten minutes. I wonder if she's taken her pills this week.

The letter said it was from Hogwarts. Idk wtf that is but it sounds like an STD. Turns out it's a school for witches and wizards. I never knew about this place, but it sounds like legitness.

The letter said I needed a bunch of supplies of school. Stuff like unicorn tails and cauldrons. I'm surprised they didn't ask for dragon coochie juice on the list. It said that I could find all of my supplies in a place called Diagon Alley.

My crazy aunt, who has stared at me without blinking for the past hour, then finally said "BYE BITCH!" She then pushed me out the door with a broom from the local broom store.

I walked outside and almost got ran over by a car. Fear jumped in my chest and I found tears stinging my eyes as a man got out of the car and approached me.

"Omg I'm so sorry," he cried. He was a Jumbo if I've ever seen one. He was super beefy and totally hot. Like my dead dad. By the way, he's dead.

If you haven't noticed by now, my parents danced the salsa with Jesus a couple years ago.

"How could I ever repay such a pretty young lady?" He asked.

Give me a piece of the dick you hunk. I thought to my self. I immediately blushed. I have no self control uwu.

I then forced this man to take me to get my supplies. Then I forced him to give me his wallet with my feminine charms. Now that's american magic baby. (I got it from my dad...btw he's dead just like my mummykins)

"Well here we are," the sexy man (who resembles my dead and cold father) said to me. I left his car with his wallet.

I walked through Diagon Alley and looked at all the stores. I had to find some fitted robes. Where the fuck would I find those? It's the 90s who the fuck wears robes anymore? Maybe in 1490 this would be acceptable. My mum wasn't alive then, and she isn't now either.

If you haven't noticed, my parents are dead.

I tied my long blonde hair into a messy bun. (Because you know typical american orphan things...lookin for them baby daddies)

I entered the shop and immediately ran into a solid wall of muscle. This reminds of my dream, in which I could not revive my parents because I was without muscle as a child.

"S-sorry," I stuttered. I looked up and saw the blue orbs of my next baby daddy. And who knows, maybe he'd be my sugar daddy too.

My other daddy is dead. You know, the biological one.

If you haven't noticed, I'm an orphan.

Welcome to the daily life of Cassandra Gemini Mae Sapphire Jones.

A//N

Welcome to fresh hell
We have lil nas x
We like the french bread
I am sorry for hurting your PHAT ASS by making you read this
We're high off our asses and this is hilarious to us right now

And... If you haven't noticed....

Her parents are dead.

Lol rawr XD