nAsTy LIL SHiTe(Draco Malfoy Fanfic)

Chapter Three

I woke up to the sound of my crazy aunt slapping her lettuce leafs together. It sounded moist.

Today is gonna be a good day.

I got out of bed and out on a plaid mini skirt and a green sweater. I straighten my long blonde hair and put contacts over my blue orbs.. I normally wear glasses but I look like such a nerd wearing them uwu. My crazy aunt was chewing on her lettuce leafs in the kitchen. The crunchy sounds blessed my ears.

"Get out of here, you nasty slut," my crazy aunt yelled at me. When I gave her the finger (bc im rebellious and cunning like that) she barked at me.

My crazy aunt was that one kid in high school who would bite you in the hallway.

Only in America, am I right?

I walk all the way to Kings Cross station. When I arrive I immediately sniff the air for the slightest hunt of baby daddy musk.  This is the talent I inherited from my dead mother. My mum is dead by the way. Did you know that?

She's dead as a cockroach.

The letter that had fallen out of a pigeons ass in Chapter One said that I would fine the STD express at platform nine and three quarters

There is no nine and three quarters. I failed math in ninth grade so I had trouble just getting to the ninth platform.

Counting is not my strong suit.

However, I can count my dead relatives on one hand.

That includes: my mother, and father.

That's it.

I'm an orphan.

I have nothing to love for.

Besides my gorilla grip coochie, and the possibility of seeing that boy again from the shop, I have nothing left going on in my life.

Well... I do have my crazy aunt. And her cabbage patch kids. It's like the children of the corn but worse.

Way worse.

I watch as an ugly tall red head (hah! Fire crotch) runs a trolley (shopping cart for u americans out there) through a wall. I expected him to crash like the fucking idiot I thought he was.

Unfortunately, he passed right through and was not harmed. I cannot say the same for my dead parents.

I do the same thing as him, and find myself in a crowded platform with a big red choo choo next to it. Kids father around talking and laughing.

I feel so lonely and sexy in my right miniskirt. I feel something tickle my thigh

Is that lettuce? Did my crazy aunt give me a parting gift?

But it turns out it was a rage. I forgot to take off the walmart price tag. Everyone was gonna find out my secret to being young and hot.

Do you wanna know my secret? Give me your credit card pin and your social security number, and I'll tell you.

I'm going on a shopping spree, motherfuckers.

I board the train with tears in my eyes because I feel so alone. My parents are dead and I have not seen the hot blond guy anywhere.

I slide down in my seat on the train, feeling depressed.

How was I ever going to make it alone?

A//N

Cassandra never got her lettuce :'(