nAsTy LIL SHiTe(Draco Malfoy Fanfic)

Chapter Two

"Excuse u you little shite," the boy spat in my face. I tried not to show how much it turned me on. The boy is very tall and has lots of muscles. Like my dead dad. Have I mentioned my dead dad was a beefcake when he wasn't dying of food poisoning?

Only in America. Am I right?

"I-I said I was sorry..." I looked up into his baby blue eyes. Speaking of babies, I used to be a baby... Until my parents died.

The boy look down on me, just like my crazy aunt does. Except he blinks. I guess not all of us are immune to the weakness of blinking.

"My name Is Cassandra," I hold out a hand. "Cassandra Jaquavious Bartholomew Gemini Jones. My friends call me Cass."

"I'm not your friend," he snarled. He pushed past me, out of the shop. I heard him whisper "mudblood" at me as he left.

The fuck is a mudblood? Uhm chile anyways so

I got fitted for my robes, but all I could think about was him.... And my my parents' rotting corpses.  I can't wait to dig them up for my future wedding with this mysterious, handsome stranger.

I find myself thinking about him all day. The sweep of his blond hair, the arch of his brows, and the hard wall of abs that reminded me of my dead father.

Have I mentioned my parents are dead?

I went back home after shopping for all my school supplies. Mr. Olivander had given me a nine inch dild—I mean wanddddd. It had phoenix feathers and unicorn tails inside of it. Mr. Olivander even said it had some dragon coochie juice in it. I was surprised that it was real. I wondered I'd ever get the chance to drink it.

When I got home, my crazy aunt opened the door, bird shit still drying in her hair. You remember the bird shit, right? From last chapter's adventure?

Anyway.

My aunt stared at me while I made my food. I had to open her mouth and feed her lettuce to sustain her bloodthirst for now. I don't know who was going to control her while I was at magic school.

She will rampage soon if she doesn't feed...

The cabbages are not safe. Hide your lettuce. And your children, too. That'd probably be smart.

After I got done eating lasagna and baguettes I went up to my room. I put on some lace panties and imagined the handsome stranger from the shop standing behind me, his hands on my waist.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING YOU LITTLE SHITE????" My crazy aunt screamed. "YOU LOOK LIKE A SLUT! JUST LIKE YOUR FATHER!"

"My father is dead," I whispered, tears streaming down my cheeks. Why was she so mean to me.

"I wonder why you dumb bitch," my crazy aunt laughed and pointed at me. I tried not to notice the giant pimple on her forehead.

"Don't you have some cabbage patch kids to feast on?" I ask her angrily, unable to control my temper.

She then reached into her pants, bringing out a huge leaf of lettuce dripping with a suspicious liquid. She swiped a finger along the leaf and licked it.

"Mmhmmm" she moaned. "Tastes salty."

I groan in disgust as my crazy aunt hobbles out of the room. Did I mention that my aunt is crazy?

And by the way, my parents are dead

I settle into my bed for the night, thinking about my future at Hogwarts, the school of STDs.

Did my parents always know I was different? It doesn't matter. They're dead anyone

If you haven't noticed, my parents are dead.

I fell into an bad sleep. I kept waking up in the middle of the night to the sound of my crazy aunt sliding the lettuce over the kitchen floor.

I think about the hot boy I saw at the shop earlier today. I hope that I will see him again.

Because if not, I will unleash my mentally unstable aunt on the world's dear children.

And don't forget the cabbage.

A//N

Lettuce.

That's all we have to say.

And don't forget that her parents are dead.