We were still on top of the covers in each other’s arms, the peaceful atmosphere settling down silently and lulling us to sleep. Around half an hour ago Joan and a couple of other hospital staff, one of them being Phil’s therapist had burst into the room and bitched us out for disappearing and not contacting them, but they’d all left now. Left us to our own thoughts and dreams.
“Phil?” I whispered, not sure if he was asleep or not.
“Yeah?” His voice was heavy with fatigue but he was still conscious, so I decided I could ask him the question that had been burning in my mind for the last few minutes.
“Would you ever want a family?”
He froze mid-stretch and settled down again, gathering me up in his long arms.
“Yeah, I do want a family. I think we would be the perfect parents.” I could feel him smiling into my hair but a crushing sense of disappointment settled in the pit of my stomach, wiping the smile off my face.
“I’m sorry.” I whispered to him, the bitter taste of sadness on my tongue.
“Why?” He whispered back, confusion laced into his words.
“I can’t give you a family.”
“Oh Dan, I don’t care about that.” I lifted my eyes and looked at him in confusion, whilst he just smiled back at me. “We can adopt or if we want, get a surrogate mother.”
“Yeah, but won’t your parents be sad-“
“Dan, this is our relationship and it will be our family, not anyone else’s ok? I doesn’t matter what they think, as long as we’re happy.” He nuzzled my head playfully and I swatted him lightly, giggling at his actions.
“How many children would you like?” I asked thoughtfully, daydreaming about a time in the future where there were two smiling men and some smiling children.
“I’d want one boy and one girl, so they can play together and they won’t be alone.” He said, smiling all the while.
“I want to pick the girl’s name!” I chimed loudly and Phil chuckled, bouncing me up and down.
“Good because I have a great selection of boy’s names.”
“Oh yeah?” I raised an eyebrow. “Hit me with some.”
“Sylvester is an obvious choice.”
“What, Phil, no!” I exclaimed, starting to laugh.
“Ok, what about Chester?” He asked in a playful tone, grinning at me.
“Do you want our child to be bullied mercilessly?” I asked, laughing uncontrollably.
“They’re better names than Mo.” He started to laugh at his own joke and soon we were both rolling around on the bed, gasping for breath.
I loved it when moments like this happened upon us; where we both forget about everything else in the world and just share laughter with one another. When we both finally stopped laughing and we were able to breathe again, Phil rolled over to face me and touched his forehead to mine.
“Why, what would you name our girl?”
Hearing him say ‘our’ girl brought a smile to my face and I quickly pressed my lips to his cheek in a gentle kiss.
“Hope.” I said simply.
The corners of his eyes crinkled as he smiled and whispered, “I love it.”
*
I left the Fairview Mental Hospital exactly 2 months and 27 days after I first stepped out of the car and into a new part of my life. My departure was entirely different to my arrival and was filled with tearful smiles and bone-crushing hugs as I said goodbye to Phil for what we both knew would be a while. Then I stepped back into the car and I drove back to my old life of loneliness.
Except it wasn’t as lonely as it could have been, thanks to Phil. The endless skype calls at 3am and the good morning texts helped us both through the following year. There were ups and downs but we would always manage to comfort the other and calm them down when things got too stressful.
One of the worst times was when Phil called me in the middle of the day to give me some terrible news. Despite therapy sessions and numerous anti-depressants, Chris had committed suicide in his bedroom at the age of 17. An empty gun and a small note was all that he left behind of his sad life. That night I cried for the first time in months and Phil cried with me.
Despite his alienated solidarity in his home village, Phil got through his A-levels and passed with flying colours in all of them. I also managed to survive through sixth-form and achieved my target grades after months of hard work. Then finally, once Year 13 had ended, we were reunited.
We got a flat in Manchester, at the very top of a sky tower so when the sky was dark and the stars were out, it felt like we were in space. We went to university and Phil got his degree and I dropped out after a year. Despite my university fail, we both went on to find jobs at the BBC Radio station which we both enjoyed.
We got married two years later, when I was 20 and Phil was 21. It was a small wedding, family only yet no one could deny it was completely perfect.
And now, eight years later, I’m standing in the garden of a semi-detached family house in the London suburbs, my head turned towards the bright spring sky and my mind full of memories of a broken boy in a mental hospital. A smile filled my face as I thought over my life and how lucky I was to have Phil, yet it faltered when the thought of Chris and PJ, together at last, filtered through.
“Daddy! Daddy!”
I turned and grinned at the little brown-haired girl running towards me, being chased by her black-haired older brother. When she reached me I scooped her up and playfully bounced her up before resting her on my hip.
“Daddy! James was chasing me!” I grinned at her small voice and turned towards the beautiful small boy who was clutching my leg and looking up at me with scared blue eyes.
“Only because Papa was chasing me!” He said and at that moment, Phil rounded the corner of the house and ran into the garden, growling playfully.
“Where’s my dinner?” He growled, holding his hands up like paws, and James squealed and ran away, Hope jumping from my arms to run after her brother.
Phil chased them round the garden for a few minutes, roaring whilst they screeched with joy, and I stood there laughing at my wonderful family.
After a while Phil eased himself out of the antics and ambled over to join me, wrapping his arm around my waist. I leaned my head on his shoulder and we watched our children tumbling around in the green grass.
He turned his head and kissed me on the forehead before whispering softly into my ear, “Look at our family. It’s like our whole world is crazy.”
I grinned and turned, wrapping my arms around him fully, the happy cries of the children being lost in the background.
“I love you.”
“I love you too.”
FIN
YOU ARE READING
Our World Is Crazy
Fanfiction40k+ words [completed] Daniel Howell is a boy with many problems and few friends. Forced by his mother to stay at the Fairview Mental Hospital, his life changes when he meets his roommate, a cold and distant boy named Phil Lester. As their friendshi...
