DADDY ISSUES || J.JK × Reader ✔

chapter 27 | Mistakes

"Can I talk to you?" a female voice that I know more than any other startles my heart. I shoot my eyes open and whirl my head towards her.

What is she doing here?

She holds her report in her hand but drops her gaze lower to the ground as if she was not confident or comfortable. I do not say a word but wait for her to start, so this remains quiet for some unbearable seconds.

"I..." she lacks ideas, speaking in a way she never did before. "I'm sorry..." she raises her eyes up to mine to look into them. "I don't..." she shakes her head, slowly, her sentences losing sense. "I don't know what to say...I...I didn't mean to hurt you or make you feel like you were just a random guy...because you were not..."

I stare at her, listening carefully, my heart shaking and pounding. "I already talked about it with you, but I just..." she shrugs but exhales in a heavy way. "I'm scared of relationships, I do not want to fall in love, I'm scared of love, of feelings, of all the things that go with being a couple...that is why I acted that way and rejected you...it's not because I didn't like you...."

"Did you?" I ask, the knot in my throat complicating this. She stares deep into my eyes. "What?"

"Did you ever like me at all?" I dare to ask her. I do not have anything to lose anymore anyway. It's now or never, so I need to talk it out with her. Her head moves up and down, shyly. "Not as a friend only, as more than that," I clarify, but she gives the same answer. "What about Korain then...?" my sight becomes blurry as the tears are already on their way.

Her gaze stays fixed on my eyes to never break the contact for a few seconds, but she lowers it once she has to answer. "I felt...I felt like I was nothing better than that and that I should not care about anything anymore. We never loved each other, we were just friends with benefits, and he was there to comfort me, to help me get over this—"

"Get over what? You did not even care about losing me," my voice shudders as the emotions are taking the upper hand on me, and my tears roll down as hers do. "I didn't care? How can you even say that? You do not know how I've been feeling, I've been having panic attacks every night because of this, I hate how I feel because no one is able to make me feel the way you did. I can't stop thinking about you no matter what I do, even Korain knew about it but never mentioned it because he knew I was still in love with you."

"Why did you have sex with him if you love me?" I sob in front of her, not holding back or hiding anything more. "Because I wanted to forget you and not have you on my mind anymore! I was nothing but a worthless slut to you, I was hurt as ever and did not want to care anymore, I knew I was disgusting for hurting you like that. I just did it to try to forget you, to find a way to feel better with another boy who was there for me, but I couldn't. I cannot even sleep anymore, I keep on waking up in a startle because I'm having a panic attack and crying."

"Why didn't you tell me that earlier? You could have told me that you had feelings...none of that would have happened, and we would still be close..." I do not glance away but wipe my tears away with the help of my sleeve. "I'm sorry...Jungkook, I'm sincerely sorry...I hate love because I do not believe in it or trust men who want to make me think this can be great..." the weakness in her voice affects me more than it should. "I thought you understood I didn't want to have a boyfriend right at the beginning...if I knew that you would have believed in something between us, I would never have done anything with you to make sure you would not be hurt because I do not feel the same way as other people do in this case...I never loved anyone...I never want to feel this type of love."

"Why do you feel like that?" I try to know the real reason for her to be so different, so close to her father. "You hide some things, and I feel it. No one feels that way about love...no one acts that way with their father, and he does not even look like you at all. What are you hiding?"