Had I Only Known

Part 1

⚠️TW⚠️ this dives into some heavy topics please refrain from reading if you feel it may be harmful to you.
Stay safe ❤️
Bold lettering is her ED
Italics is her inner self/voice
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'Just a little bit further'

Meredith chanted to herself as she pushed herself to run further despite the fatigue burning in her legs. She was confused. Running used to be such an autopilot activity for her, Why was she struggling now. She got so wrapped up in her thoughts by the time she snapped back into reality she was 2 hour by car from home. She shook her head in disbelief. This was the second time this week it had happened. She laughed and began running back home. By the time she got home she felt like she could pass out. She was so tired, but she had so many things to do today. Feeling a little hunger creeping in she grabs a water bottle chugging the whole thing. If she had learned anything it was that water was surprisingly filling. She heard Derek rush through the front door.
"Derek?!" Meredith yelled watching him run around frantically. He jumps hearing her voice and turns sharply around to face her.
"Meredith?! Where have you been?! You went for a run and didn't come home for 3 hours, I was so worried.." Derek trails off.
"I'm sorry Derek, I got side tracked and visited a few shops" Meredith knew she couldn't tell her husband that she was actually running that whole time, he would get worried.
"Ok well I finished cooking dinner right before I went out to look for you, you hungry?" Derek asked enthusiastically.
"I actually already ate, thanks though, I um I have to get ready for bed, I'm pretty swamped" Meredith says running up the stairs.

Meredith runs into the bathroom hyperventilating.

That was close. He offered you food! Is he insane...you definitely don't need any.
I know!
Glad we agree on something.
She should probably go out there before he gets nervous.
Orrrr we could weigh in for the day...I mean just so we know how much to run tomorrow.
That's true.

Meredith gets up off the floor grabbing the scale that sat perched against the bathroom vanity.

God do you ever lose anything-
She tried, she's trying, I don't know what's happening.
Are you sure she tried? I think our definition of tried is different.
She hasn't ate anything in days, she drinks water every second of the day, she purges the little she eats...the scale must be wrong!
It's not though, we both see it! I guess maybe a four hour run? Maybe no water...
Yeah that should do the trick!
Oh and would you make her be more careful! Someone's going to catch you and you know what happens if they do?
What happens-
They'll make you fat again.
They wouldn't dare.
If they knew, they would.
I better start making sure she's being more careful.
You think?!
Yeah definitely.
Alright well you better get her to bed so we can wake up early run for a couple hours and still make it to work.
Alright goodnight, thank you.
No problem I always enjoy helping her with you!

Meredith walks out of the bathroom a smile plastered to her face. She doesn't bother changing. She plops onto the bed falling asleep immediately.

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"Morning Mer" Derek says watching as she creeps down the stairs.
"Hey!" Meredith yells slightly caught off guard.
"I made breakfast" Derek smiles putting a plate on the table.

Don't you dare!
I won't, I won't, I wasn't going to! Just make her walk away from it.
Good! I will, do you see all the calories on that plate!

"I was actually going to go on a run, I'll eat when I get back" Mer gives Derek a quick kiss before running out the door.
She's running on autopilot like usual. She doesn't realize she's been gone for an hour already. She hears her phone ringing she looks down and notices it's Derek.