Broken, Bruised and Scared {COMPLETE}

You Might Be A Detective But You Can't Take A Hint

        It was close to the finale, how I managed to make it this far is beyond me; imagine, just over a year ago I wouldn't even dream of doing such a thing as this. Now, now I am confident, I have a good amount of self esteem and I have wonderful friends and family. Vic and Kellin are planning a wedding, it's going to be adorable and I can't wait. I made them postpone it until sometime after The Voice. Today I'm going to be doing Face Down by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus; except I had changed the lyrics slightly. I'm currently doing my vocal warm ups. I have recently dyed my hair to a dark red, I'll probably dye it electric purple and another colour soon.

        I am currently wearing (A/N: link in external) fishnet tights, The Middle Finger tank top, Alcatraz short skirt. Adding with a fringed leather jacket, and Saint Laurent Black Suede Fringe ankle boots. That was paired with black lipstick, black pointed nails with spikes on the ring finger, black double cat eye smoky eye shadow and skeleton hand snake bites. For jewelry I had on a Black Lungs necklace, Gas Mask necklace, Ace Of Pentacles ring on my pinky, Icon Brand Keith ring on my thumb, Wild Cat Dead Hand ring on my ring finger. I had on my Lucky Dog Marquee leather double cuff bracelet, Silver Evil Eye ear cuff and a skull tongue ring. Also, the perfume choice today is Midnight Poison by dior.

        I sang a small snippet of, what I call, a warm up song; it was just a small piece of Ever After by Marianas Trench. I cast all leftover, lingering, negative thoughts out of my mind and closed my eyes, finishing my vocal warm ups.

"You are good, you are great. You are confident, you won't mess up and you'll do fantastic. You aren't negative, you're positive. You'll make it to the finale and you will win." I said, giving myself my daily pep talk.

        It was my cue to go on and I smiled as I walked on the darkened stage. I took a deep breath and heard the music start playing and the lights brightened.

"Hey, boy, you know you drive my crazy, one look puts the rhythm in your hand." I sang, making my hand into a fist and uppercutting the air, lifting my leg up a bit. "Still I'll never understand why I hang around," I shrugged. "I see what's going down." I said, walking forward and holding my hand out, letting it fall as I stopped walking.

"Cover up with makeup in the mirror," I pretended to quickly apply makeup in an imaginary mirror. "tell yourself, it's never gonna happen again." I shook my head, walking forward. "You cry alone and then he swears he loves you." I bent my knees and bent down, resting my arms on them and dragging out the note as I closed my eyes tightly.

I stood back up, touching the hands of fans. "Do you feel like a man when you push her around?" I pretended to shove an imaginary person. "Do you feel better now, as she falls to the ground? Well, I'll tell you my friend, one day this world's gon' to end; as your lies crumble down, a new life she has found." I forced back a tear as I finished.

        I got a round of applause, I looked at the judges and they smiled; I never seemed to disappoint them. Sure, something might be lacking at least slightly but somehow they always enjoyed my performance; why I may never know. Adam and I have gotten close since first meeting on The Voice and I'm glad, I didn't think that I'd make any friends at all. In fact, Adam and I have gotten one anothers numbers so even after The Voice we could still be friends. I trusted him, I even told him a little about my past. I've Skyped, called, texted, etc. all throughout the competition and my little family has boosted my confidence in winning slightly. Andy has tried calling me and contacting me a few times but I haven't answered; I'm a new person, a new me.

        I'm not that scared, frightened little girl that flinched if the world even so much as looked at her. I don't have the problems I used to have, I've just gotten better all together. Being around people that do nothing but love me really helps a lot; I'm just afraid if I go back for one thing, What else will I go back for? I went backstage, waiting for the others to finish so the eliminations could take place. I sat in a random chair that my eyes landed on and tried to relax; a man being nice enough to bring me a bottle of water when he didn't have to. I thanked him and called Vic and Kellin, hearing a click after the second ring.