Careless, Reckless Decisions | ONC 2021

Chapter Six

We had spent the rest of the night cleaning and washing ourselves up, including the car. It was all extremely difficult, and my hands were still aching with pain.

I sighed, staring down at my hands, as water poured over them. I had no idea how I was going to make up even a reasonable excuse, and I was starting to dread my entire existence.

It was 5:00 am on a Sunday morning, and figures- I couldn't sleep. Kia had already left, and honestly, I didn't want to go to bed.

Everything was still fresh on my mind from earlier.

Suddenly, there was a knock on the bathroom door, and I tore my hands away from the faucet, where I had been scrubbing them for the past half hour.

"Jenna? Why are you making so much noise?" Jarred groaned from outside the bathroom, and I instantly felt guilty for waking him up.

"Sorry Jarred, there was something sticky on my hands." I laughed it off, and swung the door open, revealing a half-asleep Jarred.

"Pfff, something sticky my butt." He then scuffed his way back to his room, and jumped onto his bed, making the springs screech.

I knew that Jarred didn't actually know what Kia and I had done, but I couldn't stop myself from overthinking.

The 'What If's" was getting to me.

And there were a lot of ' What If's".

I exhaled slowly, 4 seconds in, 4 seconds out, just like Kia had shown me.

And even though I didn't trust the words for a minute, I let them play in my head.

It will all be fine, everything will be fine. I promise.

No matter how fake or true they were, they still had a sense of comfort in them.

I gradually wandered back to my bed and gently laid my head onto my pillow.

But as I tried to fall asleep, my mind kept replaying John's hand slithering up my thigh, and throwing me onto the trunk of a tree.

I could feel sweat building upon my forehead, and as much as I wanted to, begged him to stop, I knew that I deserved the punishment I was seeing. I had watched as someone took his life, after all. I should have known that there would be consequences.

But even worse, I kept on remembering the image of John's wrecked-up body. I had never seen so much blood. The more I thought about it, the sicker I felt. He's just been stowed away in the middle of a forest where nobody will look. But now I just need to stow these thoughts away...

. . .

The same morning, I groggily opened my eyes to reveal sunlight rudely entering in through my window and casting a bright yellow hue around my room.

I grumbled loudly and turned over onto my side.

Why did the weather always have to be the opposite of my mood? I would have been perfectly fine with thunderstorms and pouring rain. But like always, mother nature was against me.

"Come on sweetcakes, rise, and shine!" Just then, my mom exploded into my room and threw the covers off, leaving me with a bare and shaking body.

"Mom, it's cold." I rolled up into a ball and flung my pillow over my head. "Go away."

I felt bad for being grumpy with her, but I was really not in the mood to be happy and full of sunshine.

I guessed Mom and Dad's date night went well.

Gross.

"Oh, grow up Jenna. I made pancakes, and I expect you to be down there in 5. Or else Dad will come to wake you up instead." Just that one sentence had me leaping up and running to my closet to change.

My dad was a scary man when he was mad, and I didn't feel like being a disappointment to anyone else but myself today.

I could hear my mom chuckling from the doorway as she watched me throw on a sweatshirt and shorts, "That's what I thought. Now hurry before the pancakes get cold."

I rushed past her, hoping she wouldn't notice my hands, as I stuffed them into the pockets of my hoodie.

"Atta girl," She patted my back and then traipsed over to Jarred's room.

It looked as if she was floating on air, that's how happy she seemed.

I smiled sadly, knowing that I had no chance of ever feeling that joyful again.

Yesterday was my last chance, and I took it for granted.

As we sat down for breakfast, everyone was talking animatedly, and I felt as if I was the only one who wasn't a part of the picture. It was like I was watching them from a million miles away, and no matter how hard I tried, I kept flying farther and farther away.

Before I knew it, breakfast was over, and I was placing my dirty plate into the sink.

"Who's doing dishes?" Mom looked at Jarred and me, setting her hands on her hips.

Dad chuckled, gave mom a kiss, and left to go to his office.

Dad was a man of very few words.

I quickly shot my hand into the air, "I'll do it!"

Jarred shot me a quizzical look, and ran up the stairs, shrugging it off.

I knew that doing the dishes wasn't going to make up for the fact that I had helped hide somebody's body, but it still made me feel better to do something for my family.

Or to do something at all.

So, I quickly got to scrubbing, making sure to hide my palms under all the soap, just in case my parents accidentally caught sight of the fresh scars on my hands.

I still hadn't come up with a reasonable excuse, and I didn't want to open back up loose ends in Kia and I's plan.

The day seemed to drag by, and nothing seemed to be of importance anymore. Not even the science project that I still had to get done, or the whole book I had to read.

Even I knew this was strange for me, because nerdy or not, I loved to read books, even the most 'boring' ones we had in class.

I sat down at my desk that faced the window and watched as the sun came down, bringing the darkness with it.

I felt like crying.

Everything seemed to be fine and perfect, our plan was going perfectly.

So why did I feel like crying?

I supposed it was the fact that nobody even suspected that John was missing yet.

No one had noticed, no one had said anything.

And the sad part was, no matter how much I had said I loved John, I wouldn't have noticed either.