ELYSIAN, the riordanverse

49

FELL APART

[ set in a mortal au ]

[ intentionally lowercase ]

***

what did you do when you reason for living slips away and floats past your fingers? what did you do when his porcelain hands dissolved into dust and you were still here, wracking from the pain? what did you do when he was your forever, but forever fell apart? what did you do then?

will didn't know what you did. all he knew was that "forever" was doomed and his forever had just met its end. he let out a shaky breath and took a long sip of his wine. it wasn't strong at all, though he would've liked it to be, but it would do for now. he wiped his face sloppily with the sleeve of his hoodie, and sat there, in the corner of the sofa, blinds shut, not even the smallest slither of light passing into the room. 

will didn't know what to do anymore. he hadn't dared to even move from the sofa and was simply stuck there, wallowing in his grief, occasionally moving around, but staying in the corner of his.

the world seemed empty without nico. the apartment, dark and gloomy without him. the kitchen, dusty without his constant cooking. the bed, void from his presence, the sheets still crumpled. it had been two days since it had happened. two days since nico had collapsed in the kitchen, the smell of rich pasta wafting in the air.

when will had come back from the hospital, his boyfriend dead, the pasta was burnt and the kitchen was in shards. their neighbor had smelt smoke and called the fire department, but the kitchen was black and charred already. it was gone, and so was nico.

will shuddered, and gulped visibly. nico was dead.

will had dealt with deceased bodies before, but seeing nico's still, pale, cold, body was something of his nightmares. seeing him on the stretcher was will's living hell. nico was dead. dead. nico di angelo was dead.

will's face contorted in pain. he didn't know when he'd started to cry, but he was. nico was so much more than just someone he'd loved, nico was his everything. nico was his everything. nico was his world, and his world had just drowned in flames.

will wiped at his eyes hastily, shivering and pulling his frayed sweatshirt closer to his body. it still hadn't hit him hard — will knew that whatever this was, was an aftershock. nico was dead, but he hadn't processed what that meant yet.

it meant that will would wake up with the sun and his legs wouldn't be entwined with anyone's, nor his arms wrapped around a warm, softly snoring body. it meant that no longer would will hear that giggle which meant so much to him. nico's death meant that will would live without him, and he couldn't bear, nor would he dare to even try to process that fact.

he'd thought about killing himself. will had given it a long, hard thought, but had finally decided that he wouldn't do it. nico had suffered so much from suicidal thoughts, and will didn't need that in his life, after knowing how much it hurt. so will, unable to do anything about his grief, just sat around, his heart aching.

will thought about killing himself again.

it wasn't as if he couldn't do it. nico and him lived alone in their little town, and they'd always been by themselves. no one would really miss him, he thought. no one would care. he could kill himself if he wanted to. but will restrained himself from doing so — he would live. he would live even though it was a burden.

he would live.

will fell asleep to the thought — the bed, cold and lifeless, just the same as nico.

when will woke up, he cried. it was as simple as that, yet not simple at all. when will woke up, he realized that the aftershock had passed. what was left was a mess, as aftershocks often left, but also a terrifying peace which will hated. he felt nothing, then everything, then nothing at all. that morning, will didn't know what he left.

all he knew was that he cried and clung to the bed sheets as hard as he could, not wanting to let go at all. the sheets crinkled under his grip. will didn't want to let go but he did. he sat up, his body trembling slightly, the weight of living slowly dawning on him. he blinked once rapidly and then he was leaping out of the bed and getting ready.

the day passed quietly. the clock in the apartment lulled him to sleep and eventually will, who had been tormenting himself, his brain sending painful thoughts his way — if nico were here, his head said, we would be watching a movie, eating yummy pizza, baking cookies, cuddling on the sofa, his head taunted him, if nico were here, i would have my arms around him — had escaped away to the land of dreams once more. at least there he found the smallest, most minuscule amount of solace. 

when will woke up, his head curled up against a nook of the sofa, and arms hugging a pillow, he decided he would go back to sleep. sleeping took away the pain, if only for a little while. he rubbed at his eyes, not daring to glance at the burnt, black kitchen, and moved around, drawing the pillow closer to himself.

will woke up again. he glanced up tiredly at the clock, squinting his eyes and barely being able to make out the numbers the hands were pointing to. the apartment was still dark — he hadn't opened the blinds in forever. the room hadn't had light passing into it in maybe three days? will had lost track.

it was 6:43 pm, he made out. 6:43 pm.

if nico were here right now, he would be prepping for dinner, and will would be laying on the sofa, occasionally throwing him a flirty remark. or they would be kissing, and kissing, and kissing even more. or maybe nico and him would be sitting on the floor, a board game spread out on the coffee table before them, and they would do simple, mundane things like holding hands. and will would kiss nico's forehead and kiss his knuckles and treat him like a prince — he was a prince, he really was. will's prince.

will sighed and turned his head, flipping over to his back. his eyes drifted over to the wine bottle — it was almost empty, just a few sips remaining at the bottom. he squeezed his eyes shut and sat up, opening his eyes as he did. will grabbed the bottle and quickly opened the cap, swinging the bottle, and took it down in one shot.

he set the wine bottle down and drowsily laid back down on the sofa.

the next morning, sunlight managed to sneak into the apartment, slowly slithering into the smallest gaps in the shutters. will rubbed at his eyes and groaned, hitting his head against the back of the sofa. he sighed and turned over, his eyes making contact with a photo on the wall.

nico was standing with him in front of a small restaurant they'd gone to for their second anniversary. will's arm was around his waist, holding the boy close to him. they were looking at the camera, wide smiles on their faces. 

they'd talked about getting married that night after will had thrown a casual remark about it. nico was enthusiastic, he said that getting married to will would be the best thing to ever happen to him.

that night, sitting in the middle of a bustling restaurant, will and nico had planned out their forever.

will snapped back to the present.

the photo looked clumsy now — the only thing in the otherwise bare wall. will and nico had said that they could put up more photos. that had never happened.

and neither had the forever they'd talked so vividly of that night.

will let out a shaky breath. his forever had fallen apart.