ELYSIAN, the riordanverse

46

[ set in a mortal au, because when I didn't put the tag last time, everyone was confused as frick :/ ]
[ tw: suicide, self-harm, depression, and a frickton of swearing ]

REFLEX

It all started with a Tumblr post. Yes, maybe that was really Gen Z of Leo, but it wasn't his fault that the post happened to be on his Instagram feed. Damn it, maybe being on Instagram, looking at Tumblr posts because he didn't feel like logging onto Tumblr was even more Gen Z of him.

But it still wasn't his fault.

The stupid post and Instagram's stupid algorithms had done their stupid magic, and there it was. The post that was about to change his whole fucked, miserable life. Fuck, maybe it was his fault. His life was about to change because of a post on a social media site by some stranger.

How the world worked its miracles. Not that Leo finding this post was a miracle. 

In the back of his head, Leo knew it totally was.

He looked down at his phone, quickly saving the post and then reading it again.

Posted by maramahan

Here's a tip I picked up from a friend that's
helped me a lot ― replace self deprecating jokes with
ironically self aggrandizing jokes

Like every time I trip and fall, instead of saying
"I'm just a disaster human" I say "I'm the epitome of grace and beauty"

Or like, when I draw a picture I'm not 100% happy with,
instead of saying "my art is trash: I say something like
"you know I think it's time we replaced the Mona Lisa"

When you do that you get to make a joke,
but you're ALSO getting practice building yourself up, y'know?

And eventually it becomes a reflex and you get so
used to it that you can say nice stuff
about yourself even when you AREN'T joking

It was a simple post. Sure, it had punctuation mistakes and what not, but what Tumblr post didn't? But that was off-topic. The point was that the post had ignited something in Leo. Funny really, considering how much he was fascinated by fire. No, not in a crazy arsonist way ― he just found flames intriguing. Damn, way to make himself sound less arsonist-y.

But anyway, the post seemed to set a fire ablaze deep down in Leo's soul, where he knew that he couldn't go on like this anymore. All the jokes he made about dying, and crying and just morbid things ― some ― oh who was he kidding? All of them had truth in them. Every single self-deprecating joke he'd made was nothing but true. 

When a teacher had asked him what his long-term goals were, Leo had looked them straight in the eye and had said, "Just death." The teacher had thought Leo was joking ― he wasn't, not really.

The grass in his small house's front lawn had over-grown again, and he had been too tired to mow it. Jason had asked him why he hadn't cut it yet ― Leo had just shrugged had said, "I'm lazy, my dude. Maybe if it had depression, it would cut itself." Jason had looked at him with a sad smile, and had sighed. Maybe the grass was Leo.

Leo had been travelling to visit Piper ― they were a few states apart, now that she'd moved to Oklahoma, and he was still in Manhattan ― and he'd decided to take a flight. He'd packed light, and had only taken a backpack and a small suitcase with him. The attendant had asked him if his two bags were carry-on, or if he had any baggage. Leo had point-blank told the poor man that his mom was dead, he was suffering from depression, was definitely suicidal, and all he ever did was make deprecating jokes. Leo had decided to be wary of airports after that.

Leo rocked back and forth on his legs ― he was curled up in a ball, on his bed ― and wondered if the post would actually do anything. He knew he had to stop before he did something serious and well ― Leo rolled his sleeves up, wincing a little as the fabric came into contact with his itchy skin ― he was bound to do something serious. He looked down at his scars, knowing that deep down inside him, he wanted to get out. He wanted the fog to clear. 

He wanted to be free.

And ― Leo looked down at his phone again ― it seemed as if a Tumblr post was going to help him do just that.

A Tumblr post.

How the world had changed.

Forget him changing because of a lover, or a friend, or some family member ― oh heck no ― here he was, sitting on his bed, curled up in his sheets, completely and totally aware of the fact that social media was about to change his entire fucked-up life. How very very Gen Z of him.

It was day one of Leo's little adventure. He'd decided to do exactly what the post had told him to ― make aggrandizing jokes instead of deprecating ones.

It was hard, Leo would admit. After spending the past ten years of his life doing nothing but bringing himself down ― the sudden change was odd. And it seemed as if everyone else was noticing too ― even the kids he hadn't interacted with at all in the past four years at college raised an eyebrow at him when he tripped, fell to the floor, and just sighed.

He was about to say something like, "I'm a fucking disaster of a human," but then remembered the little note he'd written on his palm, Aggrandizing jokes, aggrandizing jokes ― so Leo sighed and said, "I am the fucking epitome of grace and beauty."

Leo wiped the imaginary dust of his jeans and had added as an afterthought, "Fuck, I could even be a fucking ballet dancer."

Maybe he'd said "fuck" too much, but he always said "fuck" too much, so no one really commented.

Nico di Angelo, one of Leo's friends, had raised his eyebrows so high Leo thought he would touch his hair. But the Italian boy had just shook his head and brushed it off. Leo hoped no one questioned his little show in the hallway ― he was going to be a hell of a lot more aggrandizing from now on.

It was odd though ― how his first instinct had been to say "I'm a fucking disaster," but on second thought, it wasn't odd at all. He'd been saying things exactly like that for as long as he could remember. Leo took a deep breath, and tugged at his backpack ― this was going to be hard.

Not that hard, since he'd scribbled down a reminder on the back of his palm, but still hard. He had to get over this reflex of his, and somehow learn to make a new reflex.

Leo bumped into someone. "I have the best fucking eyesight ever."

Jason, who was the person he had bumped into, raised an eyebrow but said nothing.

Leo just smiled.

***

Author's note: The Tumblr post is not mine, and @maramahan is an actual user on Tumblr. I saw the post, while incidentally scrolling through Insta, looking at Tumblr posts, because I was lazy and didn't want to login to Tumblr, because that's so fucking Gen Z of me.

But anyway, there will be a part two to this, and maybe even more parts, but the next oneshot will be a Solangelo and Fierrochase double-date! HA! I'M SO FUCKING EXCITED TO WRITE THAT, FUCK YES LET'S GO-

alright bye you guys, hope you liked this! lots of love, bye <3