Bipolar expressionism, framing crazyness and hiding recovery

Just take it, take my heart
Enjoy your life after I died
I'm so God damn hurt
I feel like I can't ever get back up
I feel like I am to be forever lost
I feel like a walking corpse.

But at the same time
I feel like I want to escape
I forgot how to live
I forgot how to be me
I want to set me free
I want to be happy again.

But I'm addicted to hurting
Wanting to get rid of my happy habits
Killing myself and my mind became the new ones
I'm drowning in regret and pain
I feel like the world is going down with me
Or I'm just falling apart faster and faster.

But a childish voice rehearses from within
Is it me or is it just my mind?
There is a fight inside of me
I tasted happiness again and for one second,
Witch passed so fast,
I remembered what made me happy and what I wanted to be.

But I'm dying more and more.
Break my neck and crack my bones
Solitude got the best of me
Made me stay in this loop of shame
Of wanting to solve it all alone
But I will never be able to impose a way
That isn't mine.

Yet, a shining, metallic, new heart erodes from the old one
Which is cold, disfigured and rotten
It can no longer be my guidance
So I fight with myself.
I want to feel free again.
I want to jump and run and dance like never before.

But I can't, I'm fighting hard from my other side too
I'm pushing myself to an unnatural death
Im hurting too much. I peel my skin
I grab my knife and threaten myself I'll decay alone
I have it at my neck. Is it maybe too late to go back?

Irregular feelings I'm not permitted to feel
But who am I to tell me what I fear?
Lies and death...I've had enough
Embrace myself so I can't run away
As I push my limits once again
This time I fight for the good and free spirit
At will, I'll let go of my pain.

But I can't, it controls me too much
It spills my blood, it eats my brain
I'm blinded. I need to fight back.
I have established long ago
That happiness does not exist anymore
I will not surrender ever again
I'll kill you, even if it means I'll kill myself.

I can control but I don't need to
I start to feel again
Empowered by my old personality which I seek again
I want to let go of my mind
I am to far behind
I trusted myself that I'll recover
But instead the pain has taken control over me
Now I see and combine those elements
To blossom with the same but now different and improved
Heart, body and mind.

Stop! Stop trying to end my suffering!
I am given to rot in this drowned horizon.
I digged my own grave, let me speak from inside.
You can change nothing.
I will never recover.
I have been thrown away with the diseased.

I can see what you see
After all, you are me
I can understand the reason of your life in misery
I feel it too, the same.
But trust me, once open mind
You're losing yourself this way.
You're losing your friends.
You're losing your love from inside.
You're losing her pretty, pure smile.
Where is the once always happy soul
That would help everyone it knows?
The soul which in any kind of problem would bring peace and understanding to everyone it sees?

No. Stop lying.
You're baiting my heart. Or what's left of it.
But I know too well. It is a trap.
Stop luring me from outside.
Nothing can change.
It's just another promise in vain.
Disappear, evil thought from my mind
I am the real one.

But am I? Am I the real one?
Yes, I speak to you, I speak with myself.
We are one and only one. One and the same.
Can't you see you're arguing with yourself?
Can't you see what you've become?
Accept that you can revive from this doomed state.
You can't end me. You'll kill yourself.
You're the evil one, my friend.
Don't lose me. Follow my path.
I can combine all that you feel and get you back up
I can understand you and help you find yourself
And you'll be better than ever again
Just let me love you as you love myself.

There is no help in trying to do that.
This is the end.
Leave now. Accept our fate.
I am lost. I will forever be.
There is no time to save me.
Go away and embrace our death.
I will fight no more. I will let go.
I will leave me behind. It is too late.

...Quiet and peace. It all feels lost. But I refuse, with the last power I have I will win the fight with myself...

But I feel like it's not too late.
No need to let go of yourself,
Just let go of the pain that you protect so much,
It doesn't love you back.
I still know what I have and love
I still know who I am
All remained beautiful, how it has always been
Even if life got in between
Nothing is lost. I just evolved
Someday we will find her and him again.
Wait with me for that day.
You are still me. We can still see.
Do what you love.
Enjoy what you have. You just gained more.
Your patience brought you peace.
You protected everything and everyone.
Now protect yourself as so many people love you so much
Including her still and him even if he died
Someday you'll be with him
But until then I...I love yourself.
You are not lost.
You are with me, myself.

Maybe you're right,
Maybe I'm actually right.
Escape from the pain.
Use it instead
Use it to write or to see new things
You learned more
And I evolved
I was the one who declined from my personality
Together we became stronger
Thank you for holding on,
My pure self and happy part
What I like and love
Combined with what I've been through
And what I've seen and felt
Nothing will bring us down ever again
Not even ourselves.

It's nice to have friends.
But embrace yourself first
We all have two sides
Instead of fighting one with another
Bring them together
Discover the amount of power that you have
Rediscover your life and the reason you sworn to yourself to protect it
Enjoy your own love sometimes, then share it to anyone who dares to ask for it.
Learn how to feel two different emotions at the same time.
Be your own God sometimes, my soul.

And price your life as it is mine too.
I can see as I'm finally not blind anymore
Love and keep yourself until the end.
Find happiness where you haven't lost
Enjoy darkness but don't let it take over you.

I can live again. I've done what was right.
I did nothing more wrong and everything is good and alright
I am the only one that I've got or that you've got sometimes.
But with the help of myself, my family and friends
And even love when I get to have it,
I will never get lost in this beautiful world again.