Harper
I wake up alone.
The safe and comforting barrier Alex provides me with is missing. I call out in hopes she would answer but just as my gut was saying she's not here, maybe an early shift at work or a trip to the shop, who knows. The only thing I'm certain of is that my dreams are become more frequent and more vivid - like its happening to me all over again and that; that I can't do.
With Alex absent I just feel so lost, and the pain inside me makes my world feel like its crumbling and there's nothing I can do to stop it. With nothing else to do , nothing giving me motivation to move I curl myself up into a ball and let the images of last night dream replay in my head, flicking from each scene as quick as my tears fall. Why couldn't it just have been me?
As I wake from the slumber that once claimed my body; my throat feels as if I've swallowed 100 razor blades.
"Ahh she wakes - sleeping beauty has finally decided to join us all in the real world" I hear my mothers annoyingly high pitch voice say, sarcasm thick in her tone.
She sits on the end of my bed with a glass of water in hand, only now am I noticing how thirsty i really am. My mouth is pooling with saliva as I'm staring at the glass, my mother seems to notice and hands me glass while also breaking the temporary silence that fell upon us.
"Your roommate called me, you're still having those dreams. You told me they stopped. Why lie to me Harper? Don't you think it hurts me enough to know my baby girl is still hurting after all this time?" She's hurt. I can hear it in her voice but it doesn't comfort me like she was obviously intending to do; not like it used to when I was young. Somewhere from then to now its turned to sound like judgement.
I have already gulped down half the glass of water using the remainder as a excuse to give me time to gage how I should answer. Don't get me wrong my mother has been nothing but as supportive as one can be when her child has experienced such a trauma but she also chose distance. She chose to become so invested in her work that me and my father became two people fighting for her attention; was never really a fair competition, my father would take up the very little time my mother would have. My mother is a lawyer; she practices property law. So basically she negotiates to get what she wants for a living, well you know what I mean; in her favour.
"No mother I know it hurts you but I didn't tell you because I didn't want to worry you. I am a big girl now; I can't run to you every time I have a nightmare. I'm okay. I promise mother. I have Alex" I choose to go with the less harsh approach, I don't have it in me to have a screaming match with my mother today. I finish off my water throwing the last of it back like it was a shot and swing my legs off the bed, my mother stands and walks towards the door.
"Should I call Marissa? She can help, maybe prescribe you with some sleeping pills. Something to help you; you look exhausted darling." My mother says quietly unsure of how I'm going to react.
"Mum no, I know you just want what is best for me but no I don't want to see Marissa your therapist friend. Please can we just drop this; if anything talking about it is making it worse. Just forget it happened." I know it has come across more harsh than intended because my mother straightens her back and put on her poker face like she must do when in court to signal she ready to play dirty if needed.
"Fine have it your way Harper, I will be in the kitchen" my mother states showing no emotion as she stalks her way out my room.
For the first time since I woke I check my phone 3:47pm the clock face shows; gosh I really slept a whole day away. Its a Friday so Alex will be home by 5, she always is on Fridays. She works in her parents restaurant so the early finish on a Friday is the perks of that. Seeing I have no notifications I click onto my Instagram icon and wait for the page to load, a stream of pictures filter there way through confirming I missed quite a bit today. I bring my needs up to my chest and lean my back again the headboard of my bed; 10 minutes of scrolling and then I'll go see if my mother had cooled off.
I swipe my finger up in small strokes bringing each picture into a clear view. I double tap a few here and there mainly the pictures from the photographers I follow - they capture composition and depth in such beautiful ways that each picture leaves me slightly breathless. As I scroll down I notice the new club 'Moomars' has just opened; there is a whole lot of buzz coming off this club, the comment section looks flooded; the nosy side of me wins and I start to scroll through the comments. I am scrolling for what seems like forever trying to find kind of comment other than this one name. Its as if they are famous or super well known; people are practically throwing themselves at them in a comment section - I've never seen so many explicit interpretations when using emojis. I stop scrolling deciding enough is enough only to land on comment by him. Who is he?
Mason_Finn : moomars 11pm tonight - see you there.
I click on his profile; to find the most beautiful man I have ever seen.
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Hellooo! I honestly cannot tell you all how sorry I am for not updating this sooner. I had so many things that I wanted to change or edit but couldn't because how I wrote the story before hand - so with that I have sorta gone back to basics and I'm re writing as well as editing as I go. I didn't want to just scrap parts of the book I already have so I'm rewriting too!
Anyyy ways here is chapter 2! I hope you enjoy it! Bringing Mother in! I have got a name for her but she will obviously be mother/mum for duration of the book however she will be referred to as Ellen Fernsby and we have Dad who will be Duncan Fernsby.
Ooo and meet Mason! He is one of my leading men! Man number 2 is on his way also!
Thank you all for the love and support so far! love you all! stay safe
- K
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