So Long, and Goodnight

9. Blue Monday

Chapter 9
Blue Monday

POV - Scott

    The rest of the day and night had passed in a bit of a blur. The doctor had told us what had happened during the surgery, - in which John's heart had stopped twice before they were able to get him stabilized, and he was in a medically induced coma for now - we'd tried calling dad again, and we slept in the hospital.

    I refused to go to school, opting to stay in the waiting room while Grandma took the others home to get showered and ready for their day. She said that she'd bring my laptop and books to finish up my work here.

    Nothing was going to make me leave, even if I had a test that would determine my grade for the semester. I wasn't going to leave my brother alone incase anything else happened while all of us were away.

    "He'll be okay, you know."

    It was the same voice as yesterday and, as that voice had done the previous day, it pulled me out of my thoughts.

    She looked the same, albeit looking very tired, having damp hair and different clothes on - having a grey, "I'm on the Ninja diet" t-shirt with a turtle eating pizza on it, and a set of hospital pyjamas pants on.

    "Hello, again."

    "Good morning." She said, holding something out for me, "I thought you could do with some of this."

    In her hands was a sandwich, a bottle of water and an apple. A very thoughtful gesture and anything had to be better then Grandma's cooking, but I felt like if I ate anything, I might throw it right back up.

    "Thank you, but... I'm not really that hungry." I told her, looking back at the floor.

    If I had been looking up, I would've seen the smile fall from her face and her eyes narrow. Probably not the best thing to say to somebody.

    "Fine then, don't eat." She almost shouted, putting the food next to me, "Starve, but just think of your brother."

    "How do you think we got to this point?" I yelled, standing up, "I got to this point by thinking about him, and about how worried I am about what he did, and will he pull through this."

    "But that doesn't give you the right to stop looking after yourself." She retorted, balling her hands into fists, "How do you think he'll feel when he see's you looking like you were close to death?"

    That drew me up short. How would he feel if he saw me like that? Would he feel guilty? Or would he feel better if I looked the same as him?

    "Cause I can tell you that he won't be proud of that." She continued on her little rant, "You're not the first person I've seen do that to themselves, and you won't be the last."

    "That wasn't..."

    She cut me off. She wasn't done with her speech, and she wasn't going to let me interrupt her.

    "I've been here for five months, had seven suicide attempts in that time, and seen a hell of a lot of people blaming themselves for what their relative did. None of them liked seeing their loved ones like that."

    Seven attempts! And that was just while in the hospital. What had happened to her, to make her want to do that to herself? To her family?

    But she finally seemed to be at the end of her little... tantrum, if you could call it that, before she started to cry.

    "No, no. Please don't cry." I tried to comfort her, "I didn't mean to make you upset. I didn't mean what I said."

    The only bad thing about this - well not the only bad thing about this situation, but the highest on my list - was that I couldn't hug her. If she was Jane 'Greenie' Doe, then it would do more harm then good to hug her.

    "Then what did you mean?"

    I was trying really hard to ignore the hospital personnel, that were arriving, and the curious onlookers.

    "I meant that I wasn't hungry at this point in time." I said slowly, "I should've thought more carefully about what I was saying."

    She didn't say anything, but she did start to wipe her eyes of the tears that had fallen.

    "Thank you, for the food. I will eat it a bit later." I told her, "How about you sit down for a few minutes, calm down a bit, and we can talk."

    Again, she didn't say anything, but she took a few steps forward and sat down on the blue couch that I had occupied for the past day.

    "Okay. First off, I'm sorry for yelling at you. I shouldn't have done it, and it was wrong of me to do it."

    It took her a couple of seconds to answer me, or make any movement whatsoever. It was so disconcerting how much she acted like John.

    "I forgive you."

    A sigh of relief. At least she didn't hate me enough to not forgive me.

    "Just try and see it from his perspective." She continued, "He's just tried to take his life. He might have conflicting feelings about it. What do you think those conflicting emotions are going to settle on when John see's you? Cause right now, you look like you need a shower, a good night's sleep, and some hot food."

    "What do you mean 'conflicting emotions'?"

    The look she gave me was one you might get if you'd just asked the question in a foreign language.

    "He's not going to know what to think." She said matter of factly, "He might be angry that it didn't work, or he might be glad it didn't. His emotions about what had happened, might be in conflict with each other. To want to take your life you have to be in a dark place to begin with."

    That was a fair point, and something that I hadn't considered. What would John's emotions be like?

    He thought it was better for him to die, instead of talk about what was going on inside his head.

    She ran her hand through the mass of her drying, ginger hair, before she stood up.

    "Well, it's my time to leave you here." She told me, as she started to walk towards the double doors that led to the wards, "I'll see you soon."

     "Hang on." I called after her, and waited for her to turn around, "What... Will you..."

    I couldn't get out what I wanted to say.

    "I'll look after him in the ward, if that's what you're trying to get out." She smiled, "And I will keep you in the loop. He'll probably be taken out of the coma later today, and moved to the ward when he's awake."

    "Thank you."

    And with that, she turned back around again and walked through the doors.

~oOo~

    When Grandma came back, she found me still sitting on the couch; eating the sandwich that Jane got me.

    "I was going to ask if you wanted anything to eat, but it looks like you got something for yourself." She commented as she sat down next to me.

    "Nah." I replied, taking another bite from the ham sandwich, "Jane gave this to me when she visited this morning."

    "Well that was nice of her. I hope you thanked her."

    I smiled a little. Grandma taught us about manners and cleaning up after ourselves. Some of us were better at it than others.

    "I did, Grandma. We had a talk, she told me she'd look after John when he got to the ward, and she left." I told her, "She also reckons that John will go to the ward later today."

    "Well, that's good. It means he's getting better." She said, giving me an awkward one-armed hug.

    And that is how we stayed, only getting up to get something to eat or go to the bathroom, until she had to leave to get my brothers.