•{Condemned}• 2

{19}•Vulnerable•

I'm not really sure how long this part is going to be, so bare with me, this will be an original plot. Then infinity war :)))

[19] •Vulnerable•

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FIVE WEEKS had past since Elena had woken up. Five weeks Bucky had spent waiting for her to remember. Five weeks of infinite pain he had endured.

He couldn't go on being a stranger to her, he couldn't tolerate his hope being crushed every day, so he went under. He went back into cryo-freeze, to remove the Winter Soldier from his mind.

It was probably easier that way, he's not sure El would have let him leave her again had she remembered him. At least that's what Steve told him.

Nat and Sam had stayed for a few days with her to make sure she was alright, but after that they had left. Steve hadn't been able to bring himself to leave her.

Elena is up and walking, stronger and fitter than before, though not drastically improved. As much improvement that could be expected during three weeks. Her balance was unstable at times, which frustrated the teen. Even though still gets spells of nausea and dizziness.

She had terrified Steve the second day out of hospital, when she had a mild seizure. But Shuri had assured him her progress was good.

But she still didn't remember Bucky.

                           >>^^<<^^>>

Her eyes are closed, her head tilted backwards towards the sun as her feet dangle in the water. She sits on the bank, infinitely glad to be out of the hospital room. Her hand absently runs over her sleeping dog's back.

"God, El!"

She barely opens her eyes at Steve's relieved call. She's used to his excessive concern by now.

"You can't just wander off like that without telling anyone, I've been running around this place looking for you for thirty minutes," he scolds, staring down at her unbothered expression.

"I did tell someone. And she informed me she'd keep you busy for a while, and obviously didn't do a very good job," she murmurs, her eyes still closed. JB groans beside her, shifting to a different position.

"You don't think that's slightly irresponsible?" He sighs.

Reluctantly, she opens her eyes, squinting up at him. "Walking down to the river after confirming it my doctor? Not really, Steve."

Shaking his head, he lowers himself down beside her. "You could have told me."

"You wouldn't have let me come," she states raising an eyebrow. He presses his lips in a line and she turns back to face the river.

"I'm just worried about you," he admits sheepishly.

"I know," she nods. "But I can't live another second in that bed, in that room. I need to get outside. The air helps with the headaches."

"You're still having those?"

She rolls her eyes. "Yes Dad, imagine that, five weeks after a traumatic brain injury I'm having headaches," she retorts sarcastically.

Again, the Captain breathes a heavy sigh at her complacency. Frustrated, the girl frowns at him. "If you're going to give me another lecture about how I almost died, don't bother. I know I did. I was there."

He runs a hand through his hair. She softens her eyes. "I'm being careful. I promise."

"I know," he replies softly.

"How's Bucky?" She asks after a long pause.

He blinks, glancing over to her. "Nothing yet."

She inclines her head. "I'm trying, you know," she mentions quietly. "To remember."

"You will."

She hums in response, her eyes flickering over the water. Steve recognises the look on her face and considerately remains silent, dropping his concerns. Although her progress was steady and improving, which her doctors and Steve were thrilled with, Elena isn't so much.

El had always taken comfort in the fact she was strong, that she can look after herself. Because she always had to. Unlike Bucky, who had never wanted his strength and was afraid to hurt people. And though she was too, she was a teenager and feared for her own safety.

Truthfully, there was a time she wouldn't have minded if she died and she can feel herself slipping back to that place. She didn't believe in heaven, or God, or hell. So she imagined a quiet place when she did die. Where there is just nothing. Where all her pain would stop.

The memories of all the pain she endured with HYDRA flooded into her mind gradually a few days after she woke up. She relived those experiences. And it shook her just as it had when they happened the first time. But she is good at hiding her emotions.

But that man.

Bucky, Steve had called him.

His heartbroken expression when she didn't recognise him is engraved in her mind and she can't push it away. And it kills her, because try as she might, she can't remember him.

In short, she is beyond frustrated. At herself.

She feels vulnerable.

"Will I ever be able to leave?" She ponders softly, her face still tilted to catch the sun's rays. Wakanda is beautiful and she adores it. But she remembers the feeling of being trapped, and although this is a long way from that, it doesn't sit well with her.

The older man's soft blue orbs flit over the teen he had grown fond of. If he is honest with himself, then she probably shouldn't leave. But she's a kid and he never liked crushing people's dreams. "Some day," he assures vaguely, "I promise. But you have to get strong first."

El's forehead creases slightly in mock irritation at his almost patronising instructions. Yet, a small smile finds its way onto her lips. "I'm not five."

He raises an eyebrow. "I know that."

"And I'm not going to break if you say something too loudly," she continues pointedly.

He blinks, looking away, "Sorry."

"It's alright," she nods absently before she turns back to him casually, "I've been hurt before, you know. Badly. And I've been fine."

Matching her solemn gaze, he remains silent for a moment. Truthfully, he may have forgotten her time in HYDRA before they met. "I'll keep that in mind," he replies quietly, lightly.

He doesn't pull his stare away when she looks back to the water. He had seen Elena put up a facade when they first met. He knows how it looks. He also knows that she can't be fine.

But if Bucky were here, he wouldn't push her. But Steve also knows if Bucky were here, El would most likely confide in him.

So he breathes a long exhale, turning back to watch the light reflect on the water.