The Professors Assistant (Severus Snape X Reader)

Chapter 27: I Still Love You

          I finally made it back home from my time with Remus. As soon as I got home, I dropped my things and looked for Severus. I looked in William's room only to find my baby sound asleep; I smiled and continued my search. I noticed that Severus's office door was closed, so I made my way over and quietly knocked on the door. Not waiting for a reply I opened the door. 

      " Severus?" The chair behind his desk was turned around, the back of it facing the door. I couldn't see him. He quietly spun around to face me; he didn't really face me though. Almost as if he didn't dare to look at me. One look at his demeanor and I could tell I was in for it.

     " You thought I wouldn't notice the potion was gone?" He was pissed, but I knew he was going to be. I sighed and sat down on the sofa adjacent to his desk. 

     " Severus, this was something I just couldn't do with you... I was too scared." He still didn't look at me. 

     " Then who did you take it with? I know you couldn't do it alone. You're too weak for that." His words were meant to cut deep, I tried my hardest to not pay attention to the low blow. He was the kind to fight back and get defensive when upset, taking any kill-shot he could find. I rolled my eyes, for now,  and continued the conversation.

     " I went to see Remus, AND before you even start... I could've gone to a lot of other men that would have taken advantage of me. Be thankful I went to a gentleman, regardless of the fact that you hate him, you know he'd never lay a finger on me while I'm with you." I pointed my finger at him, knowing that the sound of Remus's name could make his blood boil. I could tell he was taking a moment, trying not to say anything else nasty towards me. If we were in a muggle cartoon, his face would be red with anger. Steam would be coming out of his ears.

     "... So, what happened with Lupin?" I laughed at his jealousness. 

     " Absolutely nothing. I took the potion, and nothing changed for him. He still..." I stopped myself. I couldn't tell Severus that Remus was in love with me. He'd rush out the door ready to murder the man for admitting his feelings for me. 

      " Still what?" His voice cut through my rushing thoughts. I shook my head, getting myself out of thought. 

     " He still found me attractive and pleasant to be around, same as before!" He groaned, putting his head in his hands. 

     " I don't like the thought of you two alone together," He said muffled by his hands. 

     "Severus, would you at least look at me? I know I should have done this with you, but I couldn't bear the thought that maybe taking this cure would mean you wouldn't love me, or you wouldn't find me attractive anymore. It was a terrible thing to think and do. I'm sorry, Severus. I knew Remus has always had sort of a crush on me, so I wanted to see if it changed him. It didn't. I feel foolish for doubting how you would feel for me," I went on trying to explain myself to him, trying to get him to put his gaze on me. He was silent. I couldn't tell if he was listening or if he was simply mulling everything previously said over in his head. 

     His eyes darted toward me. " (Y/n)," he didn't finish his thought. He continued to look at me, up and down. " You know it's hard for me to let things go. With that in mind, I don't know how I feel about you at this moment." A cold blast of ice hit me, I was stunned by what he said. " I will make no remark about how I feel about you. I'm unsure if my anger has blinded me from what I'm used to, or if the cure really did affect me." I was speechless. His tone was as if I was one of his students, cold and calculated, with no remorse or second thought about what was spoken. 

      " You can't be serious right now?" I was utterly baffled. " I know I should have done this with you, but Severus, you're blowing this out of proportion." 

     " Am I? So, you didn't run to another man for comfort, you didn't seek out the company of someone else during hard times, you didn't turn your back on me and your son because 'you couldn't handle it, you didn't emotionally betray me? I may have the understanding that despite my hatred for Remus Lupin, he is a respectable man, but I have no idea of what his boundaries are when it comes to you.  Then you... If you can so easily pick up and run to him when you are stressed, instead of coming to talk to me about it, then how do I even know your boundaries? If you're willing to do that, what else would you do?" He paused, probably to see if I had any retort. " You were gone for three hours... Reasonably speaking I could only imagine the worse was happening." I had no argument for what he spoke, I didn't see my actions as he did. I was surprised at the speech he gave me, but in hindsight, I should have known it was coming. It was what came next that I never expected from him. 

      " Severus, I'm sorry. I don't know what else to say. I never meant to hurt you, nothing happened with Remus I swear." He still looked at me coldly. 

      " I think you should leave." He turned away from me, avoiding my form once again. 

      " What? And where am I suppose to go?" He shrugged. 

     " This house is mine, in my name, so why don't you go back to your boyfriend's house. I don't care, I just need to be away from you right now. Get some of your things, say goodbye to Will, and I'll walk you out." He ushered me towards the door. I was done fighting, so I did as he said. I packed some clothes, my bathroom supplies, and a few other things. Then I kissed William's head and headed towards the front door. Severus was standing there waiting for me. 

      " Severus." I shortly put. He looked at me. 

      " Yes?" His face blank. 

      " I love you." emotion flooded back to his face, his eyebrow scrunched down, his eyes following the same downward motion, a small lip quiver, and a glossy glaze. It was subtle, but I noticed it. " I know you're upset with me, you've made that clear, but I don't think we should end the night angry. I'm not asking to stay, I want to respect your wishes, but let's make up the best we can before I walk out that door." Severus showed no objection. I put my bag down. I took his hands in mine and held them tight. I placed his hands around me as I snaked my arms around his frame. My head buried itself in the familiar build of this man. Severus's arms and hands were loosely on me, but then he held me tight putting a hand on the back of my head, leaned his own done to my hair, resting it on top of mine. He then pulled away from me and stared into my eyes, he finally let me see the hurt that was in them. 

     " Am I making a mistake?" He asked me gently. I put my hand on his cheek and leaned up to kiss him. It was soft, a meaningful kiss. 

     " That's for you to decide, I'll comply with whatever you think is best. It's the least I can do right now." He may have been harsh before, but his vulnerable state now showed me what I needed. Nothing had changed from the potion. " I love you. I'll say it until the end. I love you, Severus. Whether you find yourself still loving me or not, my heart won't change for you." 

      " I still love you." He kissed me. " That being said, I still need to be alone." I nodded at him. He opened the door for me, we shared a somber look, and I walked out.