Aria's Story

~ Chapter 4, Part 2 ~

I open my eyes. I'm in a small white room which is filled with brightness that's starting to hurt my eyes. I'm connected to many machines and that's when I realize that I'm in the hospital. I don't remember what had happened to make me be here in the hospital. I look around, trying to find someone to help me figure it all out. I spot Hunter and he instantly smiles at me while tears spread down his face. "Aria, oh my god," He says in a tone that breaks my heart just by hearing it. Suddenly, everything comes back to me and I remember what had happened. The years of hating my body image, Danielle noticing that I haven't been acting like myself lately, Nicole telling me about Savannah, Nicole being my friend again, barely eating and feeling absolutely miserable, leading me to passing out during the mile run test in gym.

"Have long have I been here? And you?" I ask. The way he's looking at me makes me feel better about myself and for once in my life, I feel a little bit happy.

"I've been here since you got here and that's been about three hours," He looks at me with more concern by the minute and that starts to scare me because I don't want to give in and tell him the truth. I mean, I want to tell him the truth, but I just can't. 

"Oh," I say

He keeps his eyes on me the whole time and the way he looks at me makes the whole world feel more brighter and happier to me and that's something I'm really not used to. Ever since I was little, my parents have made it their mission to make me feel like complete and utter crap which was basically why I've had body image problems for so long.

He gets up and lays right next to me on the hospital bed and looks me straight in the eye. "When you passed out, it literally scared me so much. I knew you weren't okay and I should have made you stop, but I didn't, and by the time I decided to make you stop it was too late. I feel like this is my fault. I'm so sorry," His eyes were starting to get watery and it makes me want to cry and hug him.

"It wasn't your fault, Hunter. It was my fault, not yours."

"But I could have made you stop running, it would have helped you in some way," He grabs my hand and squeezes before continuing on what he was saying. "You mean too much to me and I don't want to lose you, Aria. I love you and I always will," I let a few tears slip down my cheek as he wraps his muscular hands around me. I hug him back and feel myself falling for him in some sort of way.

~~

I remember Danielle telling me a few times that once you lose a loved one you will always reunite with them in the afterlife, but is that actually true? I just lost my grandfather not even a year ago and I lost someone who was incredibly close to me a few years ago, will I ever see them or reunite with them again or will they just stay in my heart forever? I don't think you can actually know if that is true or not until you are actually in the afterlife.

Savannah, Nicole's sister, would often use the phrase "Use your smile to change the world." I haven't realized until now that it's very accurate. A smile is everybody's best quality and it's so beautiful. You shouldn't let the world break you, but here I am letting the world break me down. I've been trying to prove myself to others and to myself; I'm not strong enough to get better and I know that it's just a matter of time before one of my friends starts to ignore me and slowly walks away from me. My eating disorder is definitely taking over most of my life and that's one of the main reasons why I hate it so much.

"Aria?" I hear someone say, breaking my train of thoughts. I look behind me and spot Emily sitting down on a bench, smiling and waving me over. 

I walk over to her and hug her before smiling at her and saying, "Hey, Em. I've missed you so much," I've been really distant from all of my friends and even my siblings too. It's not because I don't like them, it's because my eating disorder is making me feel so bad about myself that it's constantly bringing me down and making me feel like I don't deserve to talk to someone about anything. The thing that scares me though is how far my eating disorder will push me and that sorta makes me feel a little terrified.

"I've missed you like crazy. Our group isn't as fun and outstanding without you. You are seriously one of the most hilarious and bright people I have ever known," She says, which makes me smile instantly. "Are you okay, though? Hunter texted me and told me you passed out during gym class and was sent to the hospital. We've all been so worried about you. Is something going on that you haven't told us about?"

"No, no. I'm perfectly fine. I just wasn't feeling good," I say

She sighs. "Stop lying to me, Aria. I know you haven't been eating and I know you passed out because of that," She gives me this disgusted look and I had to look away because I can't stand when people look at me that way; it makes me feel uncomfortable and unwelcoming. 

"You don't know what you're talking about," The moment I said that was the moment I knew that I had just made the biggest mistake of my life.

Emily stands up and gives me the hugest glare that she could manage before saying, "You know what, Aria? I don't care anymore. You are stupid and only care about yourself and what other people think of you. Your parents never wanted you, which is why they're never home and why they just give you money so that you won't bother them. Reagan only cares about you because she has to live with you until she's old enough to move out and go on with her life without you. Your brother doesn't even call you anymore because he thinks you are disgusting because of your stupid eating disorder and stupid problems. You need help,"  She then walks off without another word.

I stand there with my face wide open and tears threatening to fall. I start running home, and nothing else mattered. I didn't care about living anymore.