Fifty Shades Of Kim™

9.

"Stop biting those lips of yours
Or I will be forced to fuck you against a wall and I won't even care who looks and who wouldn't."

Y/n P.O.V

I just had a whole hour lecture from yoongi for coming late! I swear next time I'll always look at the clock and come back soon.

I know I'm overreacting but I just feel angry when he does that! Like who likes to be lectured??! Not me though.

"Ugh where is my bag I keep dropping that shit somewhere." I cursed and browsed through my drawer because I wanted to find my pretty bag which I haven't used since ages.

"Shit! Why am I this clumsy? God please give me my bag." I whined and tried to search again but no avail.

Just as I was about to give up, I felt a hard object between my clothes.

Huh? What could this possible be?

I picked it up and was met with a familiar diary.

After seeing the book my heart dropped and my stomach churned painfully.

This book held so many secrets, secrets which were harmful if exposed.

It was brown coloured simple book but had over two hundred pages. Well heavy I know but this used to be my personal diary.

A diary which I buried deep down so that I never find it.

My purse was long forgotten, my attention diverted to the book in my hand.

During my teenage this book was really precious to me but now I don't want this.. I want to throw this away because it is useless. I tried burning it but somehow my heart didn't allow me to burn this.

It didn't allow me to burn this because this had so many memories of a certain black head.

Of course, it is always because of him isn't it? He really holds the power to control my life huh?

I'm used to this, I'm used to this feeling but I don't want this. I don't want to remember this because it hurts. Every fiber of my nerve hurts when I think about him, him my first and one and only love.

I try, try so hard to remove him out of my brain. I took pills in order to forget him but still no avail. He stays there like an inscription, a beautiful inspiration made out of my own blood.

Every time to turn back and look at my life, I feel pity for myself. For my  innocent self who was too naive to trust people so easily.

"Maybe just maybe I wish I could go back to the day I met you and just walk away instead of  approaching you. Honestly, it would have saved me from so much pain." I whispered looking at the book in my hands but now that I think of it.. if I do that then the happiness I felt would be gone as well.

Do I want to do that? No... never, those memories are too precious to me.. I would never in a million years try to erase them.

I'm frustrated, I'm messed all because of him. Him him him! He is always the cause of my miseries till date... yet why my heart yearns for him?

Shaking my head vigorously I picked  up the book I opened my drawer to keep it in.

No y/n no! Remember you made a decision that you won't remember him?! That you will try to move on? Then do that y/n! Stop hurting yourself for him!