~Thomas's POV~
Being alive.
What a simple yet incredibly intricate and difficult thing to do. It's quite interesting how one minute, you are full of life, your heart is beating inside your chest, blood rushing in your veins and then the following second everything stops.
But death is as interesting as life is if not more in it's very own way. And just like you can live in many different ways, you can also die in many different ways. You can die physically which happens to everybody at some point, brain death can also be a possibility but the most intricate one is feeling dead inside.
When you feel like your whole life falls apart, when you witness everything crumbling to pieces right in front of you and all you can do is watch it happening without a single chance to stop it. And then, slowly, very slowly, it starts to feel like you will never be full of life again. It feels like you crumbled as well.
It feels like you are dead inside.
It has been 287 days.
Which means that I spent 6888 hours sat at the same place, not moving an inch and not feeling anything.
6888 hours since Newt, my gorgeous boyfriend, was hit by a car right in front of me. And I couldn't do anything because I was too far away from him.
I had to watch his eyes widen at the sight of the speeding car, I had to watch those same eyes turn to me and look at me in pure fear before seeing him get hit, his body flying in the air before slamming against the concrete in a sickening and haunting sound.
My body had froze on the spot, not knowing if all of this was a dream or if it was real. Eventually, I got my body to work and I ran as fast as I could towards him, falling on my knees harshly before craddling his body in my arms and begging him to wake up.
It has been 287 days since he was brought to this hospital room where he has been unconscious in the whole time. A coma from which he could never ever wake up. At least that was what the doctors had said.
From the moment I entered his hospital room after the accident, I did not leave his side once. Friends and family came quite often, trying to make me get out and eat and take a shower but they rarely succeeded.
I barely had the energy to move now and the only times I moved were to quickly wash myself inside the small bathroom attached the Newt's room using the small sink before walking back inside the bedroom and sitting on the chair next to his bed again and staring at him, waiting for the faintest of signs that he was waking up.
"Thomas" Someone called my name, shaking me softly and I sprang up, hurriedly looking if Newt was okay or if he had awaken while I was asleep. I rarely slept, I lost sleep long ago but sometimes my body would just shut down for a while so that I wouldn't die of lack of sleep or whatever.
"Hey, hey, calm down" The person said and I looked at her to see the only nurse who cared about Newt's condition. Her name 's Ella, a 37 year-old woman who had taken care of Newt since day one and had been keeping me company whenever she could. "He's fine, everything's fine" She reassured me and I sat back down on the chair with a heavy sigh, rubbing my face with my hands to regain my composure.
"But you, however," She said as she took a good look at me. "are far from being fine, dear. You need to eat right now and don't even try to find a way to get out of this." She said when I started to shake my head in protest, not even bothering to try and open my mouth since I hadn't spoke since the accident. Doctors said that it was a result of the shock of what I had witness mixed with the heavy feeling of guilt I was carrying with me.
