Distraction (A W2S Fanfic) (DISCONTINUED)

TWO (HARRY)

I went straight into my room once I made it back to my flat. I shared the flat with Lux and Freezy, and I wanted to avoid any questions. My room was a mess, and it felt dull because of it.

Then again, it'd felt like that for a while.

I slouched into my bed and closed my eyes, exhausted but never able to sleep. Josh was obviously just as tired as I was, with his worry for me growing and growing. That was why he booked me an appointment with...her. He was tired.

And it was my fault.

Damnit, Harry. I rubbed my face in my hands before reaching into my pocket. It seemed that I spent every minute of every day telling myself to get a grip. The thoughts came and went, never failing to blame me for everything.

I pulled out the ball that the therapist had given me, fidgeting with it as I stared up at the ceiling. I didn't want to go back. I didn't need to go back. I was fine.

"Harry?" There was a soft knock on my door, and I cursed, shoving the ball under my pillow and sitting up. I needed everyone to know I was fine.

Well, I needed them to believe that I was fine.

"Yeah Lux?"

"How was it?"

I sighed. Of course Josh told them about it. "It was fine."

There was a sigh. "Okay."

With that, I heard him walk away. I glanced over at my desk; at the shitty desk that refused to let me sleep. I couldn't take a break. Not with how many people watched my videos.

I didn't want to let anyone else down.

So I dragged myself out of my bed, hesitating as I stared at the ball once again. The therapist chick was as stubborn as I was, just a lot more subtle about it. I guess that was the point of a therapist. To keep you in check.

I doubted she'd ever had to deal with someone as lost as I was. And for that reason, among others, I decided I wasn't going back. I didn't need a therapist.

I needed a drink.

As I powered on my computer, I slowly opened the door to my room, quietly making my way to the kitchen and trying not to make my presence known. Freezy always asked too many questions, and even though he was my best friend, I just wasn't in the place to answer any of them.

I went straight into the cabinet and got out two bottles of the strongest shit we had, not bothering to grab a glass as I went back upstairs.

I'd drank so much, I hardly felt anything anymore. It was better not to feel anything at all than to deal with my emotions.

There went my phone again, going off like crazy. Kate must have posted again.

I took a swig from my bottle as I turned on my phone, checking the notifications. Tobi had texted plenty of times, since I barely said anything to him at the last Sidemen shoot.

Yes, I still filmed videos. I had to. It was my life, and I used to enjoy doing it. If only I were able to find that joy again. I'd done good when it came to masking my emotions, so it wasn't hard to make the videos entertaining.

I decided I'd give Tobi a call. So I held the phone up to my ear and waited for him to answer, which he did much quicker than I thought he would.

"Hello?"

"Hey Tobi," I muttered as I took another swig of alcohol. It didn't even burn as it went down. "What's up?"

"So Josh took you to that therapist I suggested?" Tobi spoke softly, something he often did when any of us were in a bad mood. He had a way of speaking that was calming, but not even the caring friend could fix me.