The Unfortunately Very Good Superhero

4

"Breaking news: The superhero Mr. Ultimate is currently holed up in the Centennial Theatre claiming to have a bomb. He is demanding that the President give up his title or he will detonate it! My sources tell me that the President was in there to watch the youth theatre group-" Mama Ultimate clicks the remote and the TV blinks off.

"Grammy, was that Dada?" Timmy asked, eyes bulging with innocence and wonder.

"Yes, my dear. I think your father's really gone and done it now," she smiled. "Should we bake him a cake for when he comes back? We'll make a poster that says 'President Ultimate!'"

"Okay Grammy!"

A few hours later...

Soft hums came from the kitchen as Mama Ultimate browned butter for the chocolate cake, Joey's favorite. Timmy was on the last few letters of 'Pressidint Ultimate'. A knock rapped against the door.

"Oh that must be Joey!" Mama Ultimate quickly wiped her hands and bounced over. As soon as she opened the door, Mr. Ultimate stumbled in, landing flat on his face.

"Joey! What's the matter with you? I saw on the news, they were labeling you a bomber!"

"... Turn on the TV."

Puzzled, Mama Ultimate quickly flicked on the TV.

"... In a bizarre chain of events, the man thought to be the President inside the theatre was actually an imposter! Earlier today, he had kidnapped the President in hopes of making an announcement in the theatre for ransom. The imposter said he would kill the real President if the Council didn't give 3 million dollars in the next hour. Our hero, Mr. Ultimate had tied up this imposter, delayed him from killing the President with the threat of a bomb long enough for everyone else to escape the theatre, and pressured a confession out of the imposter!"

Mr. Ultimate groaned and slapped the remote, turning off the TV.

"Delayed?"

"I messed up the wiring. The bomb didn't go off."

"Confession?"

"I tied him up, and he panicked when I said I had a bomb."

"Success?"

"Failure."

"Cake?"

"Yes, please Mama," Joey sniffled.