Drying in the rain

Let Me Live Pt1

TW//SUICIDE

It is funny how often we get caught up in our own problems and trifles. We get so distracted by our own faults rather than notice the issues that are slowly drowning those closest to us. We see life in a simple view, that we are promised it at birth. That we are given eternity.
No matter how conflicting the messages, we come into this world free. It is how we come out of it that scares most. Hundreds of different cultures, different stories and different beliefs about what exactly happens when we cease to exist. Does our energy live on? Or does it die out with our final breath. Usually one doesn't think of death often and if they do, it is an unpleasant experience, but when it ultimately comes the real question that must be asked is what did life mean to you.

"I feel so off calling you Severus, it just sounds so weird." Explained Anna in front of the fire in Severus's office while he compiled lesson plans.
"It's just a name, would you rather not refer to me that way?" Questioned her professor from his seat, looking up from his work, his assistant turned away from him facing the flames as they erupted.
"No. I rather like the name Severus. What's weird about it is that I never pictured you having a name, I always thought of you as Snape, never Severus."
"My fathers name, Snape, Tobias Snape. If you see me as only Snape than you see me as him and I would hate for that." He knew she couldn't see him as he watched over her. He had taken her Saturday away due to her abandoned post from yesterday. She didn't mind it, she liked her time with him. It was quiet and peaceful sitting around with him. Listening to him groan in displeasure whilst grading tests or scoff at the most recent news article in the daily prophet. It was refreshing being beside someone so silent.
They made conversation often of course, about the little things they shared in common. About the sea and sun, about their lives. Anna already knew everything she had to know about him, and he knew a great deal about her as well. They didn't need to pry each other for words or answers, this was a moment in a place where neither of them felt alone. For the two of them it felt almost like home.
When Anna had first arrived she had realized she no longer had any safe space, a place where she would feel comfort and protected, but wherever she was as long as she was next to him, the fear slipped away.
He was kinder to her, much more gentle than he had been before. He too enjoyed her company, how easy it was to speak to her, as if she understood everything he had been through. She was the first person besides Lily who seemed to truly care for him, who seemed to want only for his safety. She was tender, she was the soft petal to his thorns. Even in the absence of noise, nothing needed to be said, all was content here within these palace walls.
"Are we staying here the whole day?" Asked Anna finally looking away from the fireplace. Severus shrugged.
"Whereabouts else would we be going?"
"I miss that grotto you showed me. I know this whole world is magical but that hidden paradise was a holy grail of miracles." She hummed. Slightly peeved at the idea of leaving the warmth of his confines he raised his eyebrows.
"If you insist Anna than we may venture there, but later, can't you see I'm very busy?" He reprimanded as she got up to inspect the papers he was so interested in. "Do you mind?"
"Sorry sir, I was just curious about what was so gripping in that news article." She explained, pointing to the daily prophet sitting upon his desk. The lighting in the room was a crisp amber, the smell of firewood burning danced and twirled with the smell of his access parchment paper and mint.
"I'll show you when we arrive at the grotto, in the meantime, label those two jars over there, it escaped my mind to do so yesterday night."
"Of course." She turned away, reaching for the glass containers and sticking the paper labels to them.

The best day for ourselves can make itself out to be the worst for those we love. So entangled in what we do and how we act we forget to check in on those struggling, especially when they struggle alone to the world.
Severus and Anna set out for their secret garden, passing by the alpines soaring into the sky and grasses swaying in the wind. It was colder now, the Scottish air had sucked away the heat of summer, blanketing the land in an October frost.
Arriving at the grove much had changed in the month since they had first visited it. The trees leaves had changed into bright reds and oranges, the edges of the small stream flowing by them had frozen, the flowers had all wilted and died, succumbing to the poison of the upcoming winter. Anna missed the brightness that it had before, the lush mix of wildflowers and maple trees, the colors protruding out in a beautiful palette so wonderful it would impress even the most skilled painter.
There was still beauty in this graveyard, though it was cooler and dimmer, the bore of browns and yellows that she usually hated were a reliable comfort.
"I used to hate the fall and winter, I always thought it was too dull." Confessed Anna, carefully sitting herself down by the riverbed.
"That is where we differ."
"There's still life here, it's still beautiful, its just hard to spot with an untrained eye. I hope you don't detest me for forcing you out here."
"It was ultimately my decision to come. I don't regret it if that's what you're asking." He sighed, sitting down a few feet away from her.
"Do you regret meeting me?" She questioned, dipping her fingertips into the frigid waters.
"No. Though you are a riotous pain in my ass." He replied, his cape spread underneath him.
"Well it will probably make you happy to know I haven't used the tomb of fryers in close to five days." She beamed, his mouth curved upwards slightly into a pleased smirk.
"I'm glad to hear that. There is a certain way you must get rid of it, it is a cursed text of which you signed away your name. I will talk with Professor Moody about it, I intended to a while back but never got to it."
"Sometime soon he said he needs my help demonstrating a spell for the class. I wonder what it will be." Pondered Anna, laying down on her stomach within the dead grasses.
"I will discuss it with him, I assume it is something worthwhile, knowing him he wouldn't ask you to do something stupid."
"I hope not. I already have one Professor keen on embarrassing me every chance he gets." She chuckled as his head cocked to face her.
"I don't intend on embarrassing you."
"Professor..,. I mean Severus, you make it a game to embarrass me. It's truly very creative, very commendable." She laughed, laying into her side to face him, her hair falling into her eyes his heartbeat increased. Slowly he moved closer to her, about a foot away he reached out his hand, taking the stray hair and pushing it behind her ears.
"There you are." He whispered, returning to his previous spot.
"Thank you, I really do hate when that happens." She blushed, the rippling current of the small hidden stream brushed up against the riverbed, little bubbles popped along its side as it rushed into the rocks sticking out from it.
"I know, you always get frustrated whenever it happens, your face will get all red as you fumble to fix it. I figured I might spare you the trouble." He grinned slightly, the sunlight flittering down onto him through the branches and dying leaves.
"You notice that?" She responded, surprised that he had seen such a simple silly thing.
"I notice much more than you would expect me to."
"You shock me everyday Severus." She giggled, his ink filled eyes lit up as she laughed away, carelessly forgetting whose company she was in. It was as if she had stopped fearing him, as if she trusted him now. He was proud to have garnered her trust let alone her attention. It was pointless now to deny that a friendship was there. Perhaps if she hadn't seen the inner design of the fabrics of his mind there would be no reconciliation, no unspoken bond. Neither of them had to admit it was there, the feeling of freshness. Nothing needed to be said that was already so apparent.
"I could easily say the same for you."
"Even when you wanted me to hate you, I never could. Even when I tortured you, how could I hate someone like you?"
"And what am I like Miss Hollows? Do tell?" He rested onto his back, letting the sunlight rain down onto his pale skin. She glanced over, his raven hair almost showed chestnut.
"I wrote about you, in my pocket journal." She expressed, reaching into her jeans she pulled out a small notebook. Severus tilted his head to listen.
"Don't judge." She snapped, opening up the pages and flipping a bit until she found the right passage. "September 13,
There is more to him than meets the eye. It is something unnameable, something I cannot yet explain. He lives within very tight confines, everything he does is calculated, planned out to perfection. Emotionally physically, he is modeled by perhaps he knows all to well the writings of Machiavelli, living by piety and silver. He lives a solitary kind of existence.
I see there is an agenda, it is a question of what that agenda will turn out to be. He is swallowed by an overwhelming darkness but more than that loneliness. He is mysterious, cunning as he should be. He is very focused, and eventually I will find out who he is." She stopped, Severus's silence now was one of shock, that someone had written about him at all.
"I in fact do not much agree with Machiavelli, he is too much an extremist." He breathed once more, letting a small flow of laughter escape from his breath.
"And to think I was wrong about you." She smiled, twirling her fingers around in the river.
"I never wrote about you." He sighed as if he had wished in all his stars that he had.
"Who would? Anyways you said you would show me what you had been reading?" She reminded him as he bit his lip nervously.
"There's gossip."
"Care to elaborate Professor?" Pressed Anna as they sat, she lifted herself up to him.
"Rumors that the dark mark has been spotted in the sky once more."
"They've been attacking? Does this mean he's already back?" Interrogated Anna.
"Not in full form, but soon he will return. When he does I will not be able to keep you as my assistant, it would be too dangerous."
"Severus, I'm a friend, in fact I hold you closer even than I hold Evan. Soon I'll be eighteen and I'll be able to help you."
"There is no helping me Anna, if somehow he sees into my mind the way you did, he would see you. He'd take you away in a heartbeat. He crushed everything beautiful that the world had to offer, he would do it again, and he would crush you."
"Then I'll learn how to block my mind, you're skilled in Occlumency, you could teach me." Her lips quivered as the air grew colder. "And if my father is still alive and working for him, I would be protected."
"Look, I do not know what role you play or will play in this upcoming war, but whatever it is I fear it will be big. Albus asked me to hide that letter from your father as you know, but he never told me why. He know something I don't, he wants you to find your father. I wonder if there is another prophecy or agreement but whatever it is, I learned years ago that he cannot be trusted. I asked him to protect innocence before and he failed, the only way I can protect you is to let you go when the time comes." Remarked Severus.
"So you'll be my guardian angel?" She asserted, moving herself closer to him.
"I will do whatever I can to protect you. First order of business being destroying that book."
"If Dumbledore is the only wizard besides my father and the dark lord that knows the intention of my being here and he is untrustworthy where else will I find the answers before it's too late. It can't be a coincidence that I found that tomb."
"The tomb of fryers finds its victims, unless someone deliberately placed it where madam Pince would find it, then I don't know."
"Would Pince have done it?" She hypothesized.
"No, definitely not. Whoever did is not your friend. But that book won't tell you much of anything."
"It told me the clues to get to you...."
"You would have discovered it was me with or without its help, you are brilliant, you don't need a cursed book to help you right now."
"You're right. And as long as I have your help I'll be more than capable of finding out what I need to know."
"It's getting brisk, we've been out here three hours, how about we get back and you can finish reviewing the new chapter on the properties of the moon stone."
"Right, thank you for taking me here again, I appreciate it a lot Professor." She raised herself up to her feet, Severus too getting up to begin the walk back to Hogwarts.
"If it pleases you it pleases me."

In the dungeons a person can easily go mad, the constant tapping of water as it drops onto the cold stone floor, the draft of frigid air, the whispers of the sirens that call the adjacent black lake home.
The pain of a boy always cast aside finally came to fruition, the suffering of a boy always seen as second in the eyes of his friends and his own family. He had had enough.
As Severus and Anna approached the castle they were met with the entire Slytherin student body standing within the courtyard.
"What the hell?" Exclaimed Anna at all the familiar students as they chatted and gossiped about what had happened.
"I should have been here, clearly something has happened. Go find your friend, I'll figure out what happened." Urged Severus as he ran up to the headmaster as he watched over his students.
"What is this?" Sternly voiced Severus as his students watched on in horror.
"Come, we mustn't speak of this in front of the student body." Beckoned Dumbledore as he pulled Severus aside.
"Evan!" Shouted Anna as she searched through her fellow Slytherins, her eyes meeting dracos he ran over.
"Are you looking for Evan?" He asked, his eyes slightly red as if he'd been crying.
"Yes why? What happened here?"
"Evan took some poison, we don't know if he's alive or dead." Dracos words poured out as if he truly regretted every word he spoke. Anna gasped, holding onto her chest she grabbed him by his shirts collar.
"Where is he?"
"I don't know either he's still in the dungeons or with madam pomfrey. We're all forced to stay out here I think he's dead." His voice cracked as Anna put her palm up against his mouth.
"Shut the fuck up. Evans strong, he's going to be fine."
"What if he's gone?" Dracos eyes dampened again as tears began to flood away from them.
"Help me get in there." Anna pulled his arm, sneaking past filch as he guarded the students. Racing past the crowds of confused kids they snuck back into the castle.
The paintings were still, their normal movement halted as they kept hushed watching the two terrified children run down the empty halls. The other students were kept in their dormitories and common rooms, the majority of the staff looking over them or helping Severus and Albus manage the Slytherins outside.
"So he is still alive? Should I not be with my student?" Questioned Severus as he and Dumbledore spoke by the old hawthorn tree.
"He's in madam pomfreys hands now, you have the student body here and they deserve answers Severus, give them what they want."