one

twenty three

Maeve's point of view

Days passed seamlessly after that, exams and Aimee and Kyle's constant drama preventing us from having any real time alone. I was surprised, more than anything, about how much I wished they hadn't arrived that night, desperate for what could have occured between us. I glared at the test paper I should have been thinking about and fidgeted in my chair. Despite my wandering mind it had been ridiculously without challenges and now, finished half an hour before the bell went I was stuck watching the back of Sophie's head as she filled in the same paper two rows in front of me and hopelessly hoping that somehow things might turn out alright between us. As if she sensed what I was thinking about, Soph turned around slightly, her usual smirk relaxing into the soft smile she seemed to save just for me. I tried desperately to invite her over to mine that night using just my eyes and was pretty successful, or I assume I was, from her sudden emphatic nodding. Miss Sands gave me a disappointed look, "Maeve, Sophia, strictly no communication please". I nodded, attempting to look serious but failing miserably, my forced deadpan expression cracking dramatically with mirth by the expression Sophie was making at hearing someone use her full name.

I still felt scared of giving myself to anyone, I suppose because everyone I had trusted had let me down in the end, but the idea of letting Sophie go without giving her a chance seemed millions of times worse. You can't ever know, not really anyway, whether something will end up working out, after all at the end of the day I believe that life is futile so whatever we do is meaningless, but even knowing all that doesn't mean that you shouldn't bother trying, if anything you should try more because if something goes wrong it doesn't fucking matter. It was weird, how nervous I felt despite that realisation. Sophie made me act like one of those really shitty teanagers, who hasn't been broken by the world yet and swoons over every man she meets, giggling whenever they talk to her. Internal disgust twisted my intestines. I wanted to giggle. Who even was I? 

I grimaced internally and picked up my paper "Sorry, I'm done, can I just go please?" Miss Sands took my paper and winked at me "proud of you Maeve" she whispered, and then louder "have a great evening". Things were looking up for me school-wise, now more teachers recognised that I wasn't cheating they were less likely to yell at me, which in turn made me a more receptive listener and just generally nicer student to teach. Miss Sands had been awesome as well, standing up for me when no one else did and continued to look after me, checking in every once in a while, not necessarily to hear how I was doing on a personal level but if there was anything she could do to make things better than they were. That had been tricky at first, I suppose in many ways I find my family situation quite embarrassing so it's difficult letting anyone in enough for them to know what's really going on, particularly a teacher. After talking to Sophie about it though, I had realised that Miss Sands probably didn't have any ulterior motive, the reality was that she was just trying to be kind, and accepting that kindness didn't make me a desperate, broken person or some kind of charity case everyone felt sorry for, literally just someone trying to make their life more livable. It was nice in a way as well for someone to know how hard it could actually be. That sudden desperate struggle when I hadn't got any work writing essays or the clinic wasn't making much so suddenly I was left working at a pretzel shop, syphoning gas off my neighbours or just not eating until the next bit of income came in. It sucked sometimes as well, I felt like everyone else my age was buying clothes or shoes or concert tickets and I was barely paying rent. I guess that's why I went out, not because I actually liked parties but because it was a night worry free or at least one where I could live the life of the rest of my year, if just for a few hours.

I snapped myself out of my daydream, realising I was almost home. I texted Sophie to check that she had in fact understood what I was trying to gesture to her during the exam and then went inside, cranking up my music despite Cynthia's constant protests that it was too loud. Running my hands through my hair I realised how nervous I actually was. I let out a sigh and began to frantically tidy the cushions on my sofa, re-laying the table and draping the blanket about forty different ways before I decided I was finally happy. Aware that I still had time I started to fidget, wondering whether it would be weird to get changed. 

I rummaged through the pile of clothes in my room. It didn't mean anything that I wanted to look good, right? I would have done that for any of my friends.

By the time Sophie finally arrived I had not only tried on everything in my wardrobe, re-painted my nails and brushed my hair about forty times but also tidied my cupboards. I genuinely don't know why or how I was expecting her to notice that the tins were now stacked in alphabetical order, but at least it had kept my mind occupied. Fire seemed to spark in the air, both of us slightly confused as to close the other wanted them to stand. I knew Sophie had noticed I had got changed but she chose not to remark on it, merely looking me up and down and then smirking slightly, realistically probably just laughing internally at how uncomfortable I was. I glared at her, then, running my hands through my hair "Do you want to watch something?", I asked, hoping entertainment would mean less standing and gawking or at least that I would be be able to gawk without her noticing. "Sure" Sophie agreed quickly, "You load the film, I'll make tea?". I nodded, watching as she walked through to the kitchen. 

About ten seconds had passed before I heard her laughing hysterically, "Maeve, Maeve" she yelled choking on her breaths, "get in here". I ran through, panicking internally that something was wrong or I had done something stupid or she couldn't breathe or the world was going to implode. Panicked eyes met joyous ones. "Alphabetical order?" Sophie asked, mirth starting to rise again. I laughed too, realising just how stupid it seemed. Soph walked closer to me, "and you got changed" she said, "anyone would have thought you were nervous or something". Suddenly I didn't feel like laughing anymore. I grabbed her hand. "I kind of really was to be honest" I choked out, meeting her eyes which now seemed reassuring and calm, "thank you, for not being weird about it". Sophie looked at me properly, "Maeve, I literally went home and wrote a fucking song, then did my eyeliner six times and then had to give myself a massive pep talk on the way here, this definitely isn't a one way thing". I felt a smile start to split my face. "And we don't have to do anything", Sophie continued, "it's enough just having you here with me". I looked at her smudged eyeliner, melting slightly at her admission, "what if I want to do something?" I asked. Sophie went bright red and leaned slightly closer to me, "oh so you do want to do something do you?" she said smiling. I started to blush, a smirk genly making its way to the corner of my lip, "so what if I do". Sophie twiddled her fingers, attempting to look nonchalant, "well we'll just have to explore that very thoroughly then won't we". Barely thinking I reached forwards cupping my hands behind her neck and smashing our lips together. My mind went totally blank, after all who would be able to concentrate with Sophie fucking Matthew's lips on theirs. Sparks of heat on my skin, coupled with the numbness of my lips made me raise my eyebrows in surprise, enjoying this far more than I ever had or thought I would. Sophie smiled into the kiss, pulling me closer and I felt like I was sinking out of the world for a moment. Things were, well, perfect.