One Look

Chapter 36

"Oh", I sighed, after a moment. As much as I wanted to run and hide, I knew this conversation was inevitable. You can't kiss a prince and then go back to how things were before. My stomach felt as if a swarm of butterflies were trying to escape, but instead of making a run for it, I took a seat near him. He turned his chair to face me and I felt like we were about to strike up a business deal. I hated it.

"Do you want to go for a stroll in the garden when we do this?" he asked, and I let out a sigh at the thought of fresh air. As big as this room was, the four walls felt like they were closing in on me. "Although". He continued, "there are eyes and ears everywhere, and not the good kind".

"I suppose a walk would be a better rumour spread around, then talk about me being in your rooms", I said quickly. The thought of the duke of Kensington hearing I was alone with Nathaniel in his chambers made me feel sick. Who knew how he'd react? Or what he would write to my grandmother?

"That is a good point", he smiled. He took the lead out of his rooms, and I hurried to catch up with him.

"Please slow down", I hissed, as his quick pace didn't end when we reached the corridor. "Nathaniel", I scolded, as I grabbed his sleeve and he halted. I blinked as a maid watched me with wide eyes before she resumed her dusting of a doorframe.

"What?"

"My legs are short and you're walking too fast, your highness", I threw in the last part in case the maid was eavesdropping. He narrowed his eyes, and I nodded my head discreetly in her direction. Nathaniel nodded before he continued walking, but at a much slower pace this time.

"You're a little paranoid", he commented.

"I just don't want anyone thinking I don't respect the royal family", I whispered, my eyes scanning the corridor, to see if any suspicious characters were hanging around.

"Since when did you care about that", he laughed, as he pushed the back doors open and we descended into the gardens.

"I probably should have called upon my ladies in waiting on the way down, this is most improper", I rambled, ready to turn on my heel but Nathaniel grabbed my hand. I snatched my hand as I quickly glanced around.

"Eloise what is the matter?" he asked, and I shook my head quickly. Too quickly. "Elle?"

"There is nothing the matter", I stated. In reality I was nervous for this conversation and I was worried that the duke was watching nearby. Ready to bring me down. I suddenly wished I had let Oscar tell Nathaniel when he was going to. Maybe he was right, and it was better that Nathaniel knew. Though looking at the worry on Nathaniel's face right now, made me realise it was better he didn't know.

"Will you please take my arm so we can walk around the garden together?" he asked, and I nodded quickly. Once my hand was placed in the crook of his arm, we began our stroll. My heart was now racing at the thought of discussing my feelings with Nathaniel, when I still wasn't certain how I felt.

"Which girls are you thinking of choosing?" I asked.

"That all depends on how this conversation goes?" he shrugged, but I could hear the nervousness creeping into his voice. "Eloise, I would prefer to leave this conversation for another time, but my time is running out and if I don't talk about this with you now then I am never going to".

He stopped walking when we reached a little bench by a small pond. Away from prying eyes and ears. We sat down, side by side, and I took a deep breath.

"Elle, I have known you for my entire life and it is safe to say that you have always stood out to me. As children you were bold and brave, unafraid of anything and always willing to give everything a try. I always worried about you and your safety but even then, I didn't want to hold you back. I didn't want to stop you from shining. Because that's what you do, you know? You shine". He turned his face to look at me then, and I met his eyes. For once either of us didn't look away. "Along the way I guess I fell for you. But who wouldn't? Hell, even Oscar admitted to being in love with you once. You have this way about you that is so endearing, so enchanting, that loving you isn't surprising at all. When you kissed me at the ball, that surprised me. No, it shocked me. It hadn't even crossed my mind that you might feel something for me. That your feelings weren't all platonic". His gaze had wandered back out onto the pond, but mine was stuck on him. My heart was pounding, my eyes were wide. Out of everything I was expecting, it wasn't this. "If I'm wrong please say something, before I embarrass myself further?"

"Nath", I whispered, my eyes pricking with tears for a reason I couldn't explain. "I----I don't know how I feel. It's not just a friendship feeling though. Like.... for instance, when I think about Oscar, I know I love him but as a friend. As a sister loves a brother. But when I think about you, I don't know how I feel".

"Please Elle, I need you to decipher whether you have feelings for me or are you just afraid of losing me?" he asked. He stood up abruptly and began to pace the pond. His words hit me like a knife, and I wanted to scream But I wasn't exactly sure what I wanted to scream about. All I knew for certain was what I felt wasn't a fear of losing him, it was so much more than that.

"I need more time", I whispered. Nathaniel ran his fingers through his hair and let out a sigh. The evening summer breeze gently blew across the pond and I couldn't help but shiver. We had only shared our second kiss today, how was I supposed to know how I felt.

"Why did you kiss me?" he asked, for what felt like the hundredth time. "And this time give me a proper answer".

"Okay, fine", I huffed. "I was jealous. I was jealous that you were dancing with what seemed like every girl, other than me. And when you started talking about Ruth it just tipped me over the edge. And then you were looking at me so intently, I just knew I couldn't let that moment pass without kissing you". I put my head in my hands, the embarrassment crawling its way up my spine. After a minute I peeked at him through a crack in my fingers, but his back was to me as he looked out over the pond.

I took a deep breath before I stood up and walked to his side. I glanced at the side of his face, as I looped my fingers through his. "I don't know what that means", I continued, moving my gaze to the hills in the distance. "But I do know that if I am not one of the names you call out at the ball I may die a little inside".

Nathaniel gently squeezed my hand and I placed my head on his shoulder as we watched the sun setting behind the golden hills. In that moment, I knew that this was where I belong. By his side.

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A/n: hi I was back to work today after an Easter break 🥺 anyway please vote and comment ❤️