missing you

chapter 2

Sorry for not updating I've been away all weekend .

All throughout class the pack kept giving me weird stares and looks. I wanted to tell them all to fuck off, but sadly I have to pretend to be nice. Even just thinking about it makes me grimace. Be nice? To them? The people who don't give a fuck about me? No. No no. No no no no no they can fuck right off if they think I'm gonna be nice after the way the treated me, they're lucky I'm not feeding them to the Grievers.

I'm sat in English listening to Mrs Jones drawling on (well if you call staring into space and wishing to not to be here listening.) When without realizing I drift off to sleep, and not a very peaceful one.

*Thomas' dream*

"Thomas, please" newt begged, I knew what he wanted me to do, he wanted me to kill him. I can't do that, how could he ask that.

"Please,.....Tommy, please" I still refused. At that moment his eyes went black once more and he charged at me with a knife. Before he could hit me his eyes returned to normal and with the last piece of humanity he had left, he turned the knife around on himself and plunged the knife into his chest.

I fall to the ground screaming out pain,"NO! NEWT!" I start to uncontrollably sob whispering my apologies into the cold night air.

"-Inski" where's that voice coming From, I look over at Newt with hope in my eyes but seeing his body just made me cry more.

*End of dream*

"STILINSKI!"

I sat up with a gasp and looked around.

Shit! I'm still in class.
I can taste the salty water of my tears in the corner of my mouth.

"I uh c-can I uh go to the um the  bathroom please" i ask.
But I can't keep the stutter out of my voice.

She nods but still looks concerned.

I rush out of the classroom and straight pass the bathroom and into the parking lot. I hop into my jeep and drive home.

*WARNING: actions of self harm start here!*

Once I got home it was like my mind and body were in auto drive.I go under the sink and find my wooden box, it looks likes a jewelry box but only I know the real contents, Inside the box is bandages, antibiotic cream and my collection of many many blades.

I pick up one of the blades and bring it down onto my wrist,With one last look in the mirror I start making cuts and slices.

One for failing newt.
One for failing Minho.
One for failing the rest of the survivors.
One for being weak.
One for giving up so easily.
And one for being worthless.

I repeat the process on the other arm.

Once I'm done I look down at all ten of my cuts and smile. I feel free again.
I feel in control.

I bandage myself up, get changed into my batman pyjamas and go to sleep only this time a dreamless sleep.