Rains of Sparks (Celebrity Series #4)

Spark 44

Chapter 44

For Peace

Totoong nagalit ako. Parang bumalik 'yong pakiramdam noon na bigong-bigo ako sa naging desisyon nila. Mama looked so worried when I confronted them. I was so mad. Shiana doesn't deserve to be lied by that!

"I'm sorry, son. I just did that because I witnessed how much you like her. I can see those happiness I've been longing to see in you everytime you will receive packages of merchandises, photocards and anything you brought for Shiana! Gusto ko lang maging masaya ka, Klein. Gusto kong mapalapit kayo—"

"Hindi pa rin tama 'yong ginawa mo, Mama!" I shouted and I saw how horrified she was. "Ako ang gagawa ng paraan para magkalapit kami. Hindi ikaw! You don't need to lie like that. You just make everything worst. You're making me more anxious, Mama."

"I-I'm sorry, anak. I'm sorry." Lumapit siya at inabot ako. "Hindi ko lang matiis. I've seen that you're so sad lately dahil hindi mo na siya nakakausap. Gusto ko lang naman na magkalapit pa lalo kayo, Klein."

"Para magkalapit kami ay kailangan mong magsinungaling? Ako ang masasabi sa kanya sa lahat, Mama! You shouldn't meddle with my life because I can decide! I don't need your help!"

"I'm sorry. Alam kong nahihirapan ka pang aminin sa kanya ang lahat at kapag nagtagal ka pa, baka tuluyan ng malayo ang loob niya sa'yo. I don't want that to happen. I only did that so that she can understand you. Pagkakataon mo na ito para patunayan ang sarili mo sa kanya, Klein. I want Shan for you. So bad..."

I gritted my teeth and turn my back to her.

Dismayadong-dismayado ako kay Mama. Hindi ko siya kayang kausapin pa pagkatapos niyon. Natagalan ko ang pag-iwas sa kanila ng ilang buwan dahil talagang dismayado ako. Hindi na dapat siya nakialam.

Pero aaminin kong kahit mali ang ginawa ni Mama ay nagdulot iyon ng saya sa akin. Shan was extra sweet to me since that and we developed a good relationship to each other. Kung hindi siya nagsinungaling, sigurado akong hindi pa rin ako papansinin ni Shan hanggang ngayon.

Pero mali pa rin. Sobrang mali pa rin.

Noong sinabi ni Shan na we still figured out things together, sumang-ayon ako. Kasi kahit gustong-gusto ko talaga siya, marami pa rin akong pag-aalinlangan. Takot na takot pa rin ako. I was still weighing what decision to make and when to confess. Isinaalang-alang ko ang lahat, ang sitwasyon namin, ang nararamdaman ko, at higit sa lahat... ang nararamdaman ni Keene.

It's making me so frustrated. I knew I was just living in temporary happiness with Shiana. If she'd know everything, it will be my end. I can no longer live with the happiness of sparks I feel from her. Iyon ang labis na ikinalungkot ko. Gusto ko sabihin ang totoo sa kanya pero sigurado talaga akong kamumuhian niya ako. Hindi ko kaya 'yon...

Hindi ko kaya.

I was so out of place when I got the chance to visit the orphanage in General Santos City—the place where Keene and Shiana grew up to. Everyone treated me as Keene, siguro dahil may pagkakahawig nga kami.

I feel so out of myself everytime they talked about Keene and their memories altogether. I was feeling envious again. I was feeling sad everytime I saw how they felt sorry for me losing my memories, where in fact, I was not the person they anticipated so much to see.

I was not their favorite person.

I am not Keene.

Parang kinukurot ang dibdib ko. I can't help but to go silent noong napag-isa na kami ni Shiana sa sasakyan. She was so happy that I was hurt when she noticed me being silent and... sad.