Boy From The Woods

Back To The Woods

It was well into the night before Arthur decided it was safe to rest. They settled beneath the roots of a sizable tree creating cover from the elements. The leaves outside were damp as it had been a rainy stretch of days.

"It'll do for the night," Arthur sighed. 

Merlin plopped down on the leaves, exhausted. "I'd of probably died if we had to go any further."

"Well, you'd of died if you remained in Camelot too."

"I'm not saying I would rather of... wait," Merlin propped himself up, intrigued by Arthur's words. "Why would I have died in Camelot?"

"My father had a plan to murder you. A plan that I prevented."

Merlin let out a snort. "Preventing it was of no use. I can't die by mortal means. My magic keeps me alive."

"And my father knew that, which is why he had an alternative plan. He wondered what would happen if someone made an attempt on your life while you were in that state of senselessness. Gailyn mentioned that it is your magic that keeps you alive and that that enchantment puts up a barrier between you and your magic. Would that of worked do you think? He tried to employ poison."

Merlin stared blankly into the air in front of him.

"Merlin?" Arthur asked, nudging his shoulder gently. "Are you alright?"

"Uhhh... yeah, yeah... just... I don't know if that would work."

"Well, not to worry about it now. It didn't happen."

"Right, I know... just... it's strange to think that it could of."

Arthur nodded. "Going into a battle, you never know if you're going to come out. After, you see, or rather you don't see, the people come back... you know they're dead, but you remember the smile they wore on their face only that morning. You think to yourself, it could have been me."

"I've never really thought about death before. I've never worried about it, certainly hoped for it but-"

"Don't say such things!"

"Why, it's true!" Merlin pulled his legs close. "All those men from today... and all the people before. It's too easy too take someone's life. I'm not talking about mental barriers, those are hard to break, I mean the actual physical act. Just a simple nudge in the right direction." He shuddered. "I don't understand how you can even look at me after what you saw. I don't deserve your kindness... I'm a monster," he said buried his face in his loose shirt.

Arthur leaned back against the rooted wall. "You know Merlin, I don't think killing makes you a monster. It might be easy to kill a man with magic, but it is also easy to kill a man with a sword, an axe, a noose, or fire. I've killed men. I don't know who they were, who their loved ones were. Do I feel guilty? of course I do, but I also remember that that man has also killed men that I have fought along side. We're all murderers, Merlin. We all do despicable things in the name of some vain cause. Killing doesn't make you a monster. It's only when you come to enjoy it... that's when something monstrous has emerged. Your remorse and regret means everything. It means you're not a monster."

"You've killed people?"

Arthur nodded. "A few, but I'm young. When I become more experience and eventually king... I'm sure there will be many more." He tightened his jaw. "But I will never enjoy it. That's something I will hold myself to. I will never become a man like Cenred, even like my father. I love him with all my heart, but I have seen the manic look in his eyes. I can't let that happen to me too."

Merlin took a shaky breath. "Do you... do you remember the first?"

"I do."

There was a silence as Merlin waited for Arthur to continue.

"Would you like to hear it?"

Merlin nodded.

Arthur's fingers twitched uncomfortably. "It was a few years ago. I was fifteen. My father was invited to a neighboring ally kingdom for a council. He brought me along because the king has a daughter about my age. He thought we would make a good match."

Merlin smiled at this. "And? Did anything pan out?"

"No. She was a bit too... too... she was rather rude and stuck up if you ask me. Mind you, she would probably say the same about me. We didn't get off on the right foot. It just went downhill from there."

"Evidently," Merlin remarked. 

"After our visit, we made our way home. We were all in good spirits as the peace talks had gone well. Many of the men were drunk. It was the perfect opportunity for an assassination attempt and so... one was made. An arrow flew out of the woods, clearly aimed at my father. The arrow narrowly missed his head. Everything immediately erupted into chaos. Men jumped at us from a high ridge. I thought I was going to die, but my father pulled me off my horse and guarded me with his sword. I was pretty handy with a weapon, but I had never been in real combat before, only training. At that time, he still insisted I wasn't ready. I drew my own sword and prepared for anyone to attack. Since I was hidden by my father, most of the blows were aimed at him. I deflected them as best I could although now I think of it, I was probably more of a hinderance than a help. I grew too complacent. That's when the man came for me. He wore a cloth around his face that covered his mouth and nose, but I could see his eyes. A light green, almost blue. I haven't forgotten them and I don't think I ever will. He came for me. I deflected once, twice, three times. All my training had made me for this moment. I saw the opening and I took it, plunging my sword through his gut. There was shock in his eyes before he keeled over. Maybe he was thinking about his life, his family... I'll never know... I don't want to know. All I knew was that if I didn't do what I did, I would have been the one with a sword in my stomach."

Silence followed his story, only interrupted by the occasional humming bug or bird song. Arthur looked to Merlin, expecting him to react in some way.

"So..." Arthur tried. "What do you think?"

"I think... you defended yourself."

This was not the answer Arthur wanted. "There's a question I want to ask... I'm not sure if I should ask it." 

Merlin nodded in understanding. "You want to know about me."

"I am curious."

"I suppose it's only fair."

"You don't have to."

"No, I do." He looked Arthur in the eyes. "But I'm not sure I can put together the words."

Arthur stared at him with a questioning stare. "Okay...?"

"I mean... like I did when I showed you..." he winced in pain and clutched his forehead. Arthur immediately understood that whatever Merlin wanted to tell him went against Gailyn's binding curse. 

"Okay, okay! You don't have to say anything, you can show me, like those other memories. Do you think Gailyn is far enough behind for you to use magic?"

Merlin nodded silently before taking a steadying breath and bringing a hand to Arthur's forehead. Instantly the prince sank into a state of darkness, ready to endure Merlin's next memory.