Mayday - ||H.S||

Chapter 10

It all just felt like a bad dream. A hazy memory, like I wasn't even sure if it actually happened.
I've spent the last week trying to pull myself back together, along with bearing the weight of my guilt from taking time off work.
Considering it's a new job.

We heard news back from the bar we were at that night. Apparently, the security footage was 'compromised' which means the police don't have any leads as to who did it. Great.

Dom also has seemed a little off? Ever since it happened he's been a little distant and quiet. Like there's something he's mulling over in his head. I've caught him a few times staring at his hands with a furrowed brow.
He's the type to close himself off, anytime I've tried to question it, he'll just tell me he's fine and changes the subject.
He's not an easy person to read at times. His mood swings are something to behold and his wounded pride will sometimes be the only thing stopping him from opening up to anyone.

We haven't talked about the night it happened since it went down, I've felt more than awkward trying.
When I did try to bring it up, he shut me down and told me it wasn't helping.
I don't know what else to do or say to help the situation.

I'll be back at work in a few days, and oh my god it's going to be so awkward. Considering they all know exactly what happened to my dumb ass.
Not that I'm blaming myself for what happened.
What are they supposed to say? 'Taylor! So glad you didn't OD on that roofie!' Like?!? No?

I hear the door open and close, signaling that Dom has gotten back from work.
I'm sat on the couch when I hear him drop the keys onto the counter.
"Hey I kinda feel like sushi-" I cut myself off as I turn around to look at him.
His eyes are bloodshot and he's wiping away what seems like tears.
My face falls to reflect my utter confusion and heartache.
"W-what happened? I ask him.
He just looks back at me with a saddened expression but a slight curve of his lips turns into a lopsided smile laced with sympathy.
"Nothing- Taylor I'm ok, I just-"
He takes a deep breath as he walks over to me.
He hardly ever calls me by my name? My heart rate is increasing rapidly as he comes towards me, each step sending shivers down my spine.
I stumble up from the couch, backing into the corner of the living room, creating a gap between us.
"I want you to know, that I care about you so much, you know that don't you?" his voice breaks on the last word.
The air is dead. The silence is deafening.
His gaze seems so intense as it locks with mine. "That's why this is so fucking hard for me to do."
His eyes are glossy. His cheeks are wet from tears.

I take a step closer, my throat feels dry.
"What are you saying-" I croak with the little energy I have. 

"I need space I–We can't do this anymore."

I hear the words in my head before he even opens his mouth.
But I never hear the words.

I never hear him say it because all I can hear is my heartbeat in my ears. I feel my head spin slightly and I feel a dull pain in my chest.
He's staring at me with sadness in his eyes. He's looking at me as if there's nothing under the world that he wants more than for me to feel better.
"Baby, I'm sorry-" He says as more of a whisper.

Is this what it feels like?

The pain in my chest intensifies, his eyes don't leave mine.
I feel it now.

I feel the ice in my blood. The desperation to just feel something. Anything. My breathing hitches, my heart beats faster. I can almost swear I hear it pulsing in my ears.
I feel suffocated like the walls are closing in on me.
It's like the last few weeks are happening all over again.
I feel like I'm losing my grip on my sanity.
My eyes start to gloss over.

I feel a tear slide down my cheek before another one takes its place.
I close my eyes and wait.
I wait for the pressure to crush me.
But it doesn't.
I feel devoid of emotion.

"This?" I say to him.
I scoff at his choice of words.

His eyes are screwed shut like he knows I'm right.

"I should go." He mutters

"That's it then?"

"Please, I don't want to make this harder than it already is."
His voice is thick and hurt.

"How is this going to make it harder?"
I hear the enragement in my voice. I've never been so mad in my life.
"Because I physically can't do it!" He cries, he sounds like he's falling apart.
"Do what?! Stay with me?!?!"
I'm pacing, I can feel the cracks on my soul spidering out from the fissure that's formed in my heart.
I can feel my mouth turn to sand.

"Don't say that. Please."
He says.

"Just go." I say.
He doesn't even turn around.
He doesn't even look back at me.
I don't really understand what happened next.
I felt my whole body shake.

I'm crying, sobbing aloud, completely aware of how much of a wreck I'm being.
I'm not making sense anymore.
The realisation and pain ricochets through my body, I feel like I'm an outsider observing my own emotions.

It's like I can see myself going through the emotions that are expected of me at this very moment. Someone who has just been broken up with would react this way, they would be devastated. And I am, don't get me wrong, I'm not putting up any kind of front.
But right now, after feeling the heaviness behind my eyes leak through, I feel a sense of relief.
I feel some guilt even saying that in my mind.
Relief?
Why do I feel relieved?
The tears are still streaming down my face, but I don't sob anymore.
I just feel numb.
The world shifts in front of me.
I feel a surge of adrenaline rush through my veins.
I'm disassociated as if I'm reacting to a film.

I feel like my life has just been derailed.
Everything is being moved around in my mind, I feel like I can see and understand it all so clearly.
I feel the loss.
But this isn't a surprise.
We had issues, I know deep down that I wasn't truly happy with him, but I know he loved me.
He didn't love me perfectly it was perfectly imperfect. A cliche but it's true.
So that's why I just don't understand why he'd end things so suddenly. Why did he offer me a job, if his intention was to break up with me?
Does he pity me? No.
It doesn't add up.

He once told me he dated one of the flight attendants and it was awkward when they eventually broke up. And so she quit and went to work elsewhere.
Said he was sure I was the end for him, that he'd marry me, so he didn't have to worry about helping me get hired.

Did he change his, mind? Was it something I did? I can and will drive myself crazy with these questions.

I just don't understand.
I just can't.

I felt so lost.
As the tears still stream down my face, they freeze in the chill of the room.
I realize how quiet the house is. The silence echoes off the walls.
I feel a tinge of sadness as I take in the silence of the house. The quiet.

The quiet.

*************************
Me rn:
What happened to the original plot of the movie??