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when taking into consideration the lives other people live, my life seems extremely boring. a slight change to the definition of the word, sonder, which is defined as "the realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own."
granted, though my life isn't as boring as I make it out to be, its not very interesting outside of maybe two or three things.
with this in mind, I usually make my characters with a quirk of my own. a character I previously made, melodie argent (teen wolf ff), was a brunette with anxiety and impulse issues. the most recent character, juniper sinclair (tcaos ff), is stubborn and family oriented, qualities I gave her based off of myself. Of course this is a thing most authors do, giving characters their quirks to feel integrated into their own story, as though they aren't already writing it. understanding the need to flesh out your character, and make them real is one thing. however, making them a carbon copy of yourself or another person is redundant. While yes, everyone wants a self insert, if you are trying to write a respectable piece of work, be it fan fiction or otherwise you have to realize the importance of a diverse, independent, separate character. and when I say "separate," I mean not the authors alter ego.
even if you couldn't help yourself to write yourself as a character in your own story do what j.k r*wl*ng supposedly did with rita skeeter. (even she apparently didn't base that off herself we all know it's her) make yourself a side character, write what its like in someone else's shoes. looking on the outside of your life, not being inside anymore.
you know looking back on what i've written this chapter, i've realized I have to rename it. I was going to start this little misc. book with an ideas chapter to brainstorm but here we are talking about self-insert no nos in writing. (04/13/21)
another thing, considering i'm writing this half of the first chapter 2 days later because I couldn't think of anything else to put and I really didn't want this chapter to be short as hell, is that catching feelings fresh out of a pretty formidable relationship is okay!
the reason you experience that type of thing is because whether or not you want to, you're brain is still in the routine of having emotions and experiencing them towards a specific person. you're brain naturally wants a rebound so it can stay in a rhythm. which is very odd.
I just got out of a three month relationship with a guy who treated me great, but overall was a dick. he hated my friends, had authority and parental issues, and he overall was very toxic to his friends. while some people may say, oh but that just him being dumb with his friends. no. they way he treated them and they way he treated my BEST FRIEND was absurd. he called my best friend a cow on multiple occasions and I shouldn't have dated him just for that alone.
now, after that relationship, i've started taking to one of my guy best friends again because we hadn't talked in so long. (around three months to be exact because my ex was pretty jealous and controlling) I started talking to him again and it feels great, and I started catching feelings again, for the like fifth time. and while me catching feelings could just be a repercussion of my breakup, it could also be that the feelings I had before I dated my ex were resurfacing. to be completely honest, I don't know which is which, but I do know that my heart aches just a bit because he's with someone else now.
I can't do anything about it and I wouldn't. I know his girlfriend and respect her even though i'm almost entirely sure her best friend think i'm trying to get with him. which i'm not, because i'm not a home wrecker. he does confuse me to the nines though. I said how i thought i wasn't very complicated anymore and he responded with, that's a shame because i've always liked the complexity of you. plus he still won't tell me what he meant. so i'm stuck in a loop of wtf-ness and i'm concerned. anyways no more updates for now. (04/15/21)
